What kind of bomb would Jesus use?

The BBQ Pit
1

Bush has said that he feels called by God to lead his country in this new war. His favorite philosopher is Jesus, so he probably wonders what kind of bombs Jesus would use to kill the evildoers.

One might think that Jesus would use a “smart bomb” to try to avoid civilian casualties, but these have been shown to be anything but smart. I am thinking that Jesus would probably use a daisy cutter, just to get the whole thing over with. Better to die straight off than suffer horrible deformities and slow starvation.

Or maybe Jesus would just nuke 'em all and then let Himself sort them out later.

2

There’s something inherently amusing about Jesus saying “Praise Me, and pass the ammunition.”

3

WWJN

What Would Jesus Nuke.

4

Moderator’s Note: I think maybe this belongs more in the Pit than in GD.

Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting flames!

5

Admit it, Bucky, you’ve just been waiting to use that line.

6

Just as well. I get the impression the question is posed so that if it invites serious debate, someone will eventually say “I think Bomb type X is the most humane” and Chumpsky will turn around and declare “I am shocked, shocked! that you think a bomb can be humane, you evil crypto-fascist!”

Personally, I think Jesus’s approach would be to send wave after wave of unarmed martyrs into enemy territory so that they can be slaughtered, and count on the eventual feelings of guilt to bring the enemy to submission and conversion.

7

**Chumpsky wrote:

Bush has said that he feels called by God to lead his country in this new war. His favorite philosopher is Jesus, so he probably wonders what kind of bombs Jesus would use to kill the evildoers.**

I’m curious, could I see a cite or link to the text where he said this? I don’t doubt that Dubya would say this, but I’d like to see in its context.

8

I think Jesus would use bioengineered anthrax that would take out all the goats but leave the sheep.

9

And in keeping with the spirit of the OP,

If Jesus was a terrorist, what type of terrorist would he be?

10

I think He would use a love bomb. :slight_smile:

11

If it’s this quote, it was George Herbert Bush, not George W. Bush.

http://www.globalpolicy.org/security/issues/iraq/bush.htm

12

Well, of course, God and/or Jesus would likely say that Bush is being presumptuous in speaking for them, but the one doesn’t exist and the other has been dead a couple thousand years, so I guess the answer could be just about anything.

Otherwise, my guess would be that “turns you to a pillar of salt” thingy.

13

I don’t think that Jesus would be dropping bombs- he was in the infantry (warning: link plays music):

14

<Mandatory Monty Python Reference>
Wise Man 1: It is a valuable balm.
Mrs. Cohen: A balm, what are you giving him a balm for, it might bite 'im.
Wise Man 1: What?
Mrs. Cohen: That’s a dangerous animal. Quick, throw it in the trough.
Wise Man 1:No it isn’t.
Mrs. Cohen: Yes it is, it’s great big…
<MMPR>
Oh bomb, I vote for The Nude Bomb

15

To paraphrase Chris Rock:

“Jesus Christ was a man of peace. But whenever you hear a politician invoke his name, you know there’s some shit goin’ down!”

16

He’d use the Hush-a-Bomb, so you’d be quiet in church.

17

Isn’t Jesus already da bomb?

18

Wow, the metamorphoses you get during the holiday season.

Old Chumpsky: "Kill all de settlers!!!
New Chumpsky: Man of Peace

I think Jesus would send vast waves of Jehovah’s Witnesses proselytizing throughout all of Iraq, until the cries of anguish compel Saddam to surrender.

19

Didn’t you see South Park last night? It’d be kinda like that.

20

Perhaps mass screenings of Battlefield: Earth. It wouldn’t actually kill anyone, but they’d certainly lose their will to live.