I would be the judge for the pie-eating contest. Before the contest, I would slip a few ex-lax into each pie, and much hilarity would ensue. Then Ukulele Ike could come and clean up afterwards.
** langour, ** to get double the price, I think you’d have to let members of the audience shoot you, which could be a tad messy!
** elelle, ** we’d have trouble finding a marquee long enough just to fit your name on it! 
Who’s ‘Johnny Eck?’
** SqrlCub, ** I’m really disappointed we can’t have moving pictures online so that you could post your act!
** Demo, ** stick with the fire eating act okay? If you go with the regurgitating act, combining that with ** Arnold’s ** ex lax trick, poor ** Uke, the sad-faced clown will quit! ** What happens to the poor elephants then??
Well, it ain’t so hard to clean up water and kerosene is it? Actually, we could combine acts and I could burn Arnold’s… err, stuff, with my burning kerosene and then wash it away with the water! How’s that for entertainment???
And, oh, *screw the damn elephants! Oh wait… Ivory is cool! :: Running away from the PC police! ::