What makes a 'big' story?

There’s an interesting thread in Great Debates - ‘How should the media tackle the “hierarchy of death” problem?’

It got me thinking.
What combination of topics would most interest a newspaper?
Obviously this could depend on the editorial style of the paper.
So I invite Dopers to select a newspaper (or make one up!), and give a suitable headline.

For example, here in the UK we actually have ‘The Daily Mail’ which I’m confident would print:

Leftie immigrants embarrass Royal family, causing rise in house prices