Is anyone gonna bite the bullet, be brave, and mention Austin Powers? Everyone I know raves “THE FUNNIEST MOVIE, THE BEST AHH!” and I never saw it. Is it really that great? Looks obnoxious and stupid. What is so damned funny about the word shag?
::blushes::
I actually like Red Dawn because it’s unintentionally hilarious; a jingoistic mess that doesn’t even realize it makes it’s own point of view ridiculous. C’mon, really–foreign badasses invade Montana (?!?) completely unnoticed by the military, of course, but smalltown jocks whomp invader butt instead.
My nomination for absolute worst, disembowel yourself with a butter knife to escape it movie: Body of Evidence, Madonna’s pre-Evita attempt at a stylish thriller. The script was godawful; tailored to showcase Madonna as femme fatale who could not be resisted. Since Madonna is to acting what King Herod was to toddlers, the whole dreary nasty mess puddled and stank.
Veb
“Felicity Kendall is sweetly pretty and I want to …protect her.”
I cannot believe that no one has mentioned ‘Last Man Standing’ with Bruce Willis. Holy Toledo, what a piece of drivelling crap. Everyone shot everyone else in the end, and the only real question was, why couldn’t this have happened 119 minutes sooner?
I agree 100%. Red Dawn is enormously entertaining as an unintentional self-parody. The Soviet Army invades the vast and powerful United States, and their first target is…a high school in Colorado!!! 
I included this film on a list of guilty pleasures in an earlier thread.
So I could see David Patrick Kelly looking totally edible in one of those old-time suits, and see scene where he goes on a rampage, and another where his character shows some depth for once (he’s capable of it, but rarely gets to do so on screen as opposed to on stage). I didn’t concern myself with whether the film was good or bad. I suppose it was bad, but DPK got more screen time than he usually does, and his performance was redeeming.
“Gee, Rilchiam, who is this David Patrick Kelly anyway?”
quasar, thanks for agreeing with me about Brazil. But I liked what Dreams May come- a lot. what do y’all find so awful about it? I also liked last Man standing. Event Horizon makes more sense if you are into Lovecraft. I like most of burton’s stuff (anyone have an opinion on sleepy hollow?) and I liked Bram Stoker’s Dracula, w/ the exception of keanu Reeves. Needful Things was a horrible film from a great King book.
Anaconda…When the snake snatched (and subsequently swallowed) the guy in mid air after jumping off the bluff. Barf
Here’s a link I got from another thread a few weeks ago. I laughed so hard I cried.
http://www.jabootu.com/highlander2.htm
The whole site is good, but this detailed attack on Highlander II is the best. (“So why do we take the time to write these…I must confess to having but one motivation–Revenge.”)
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- Ugh. Have to go with something recent: Pushing Ten.
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- Mother was watching it on cable yesterday, because “it’s that movie that Billy Bob Thorton and (some alleged actress I can’t remember) fell in love and got married”. The THIRLLS and SPILLS of — air traffic controllers? How do you keep your soul and get someone to bankroll shit like this? Billy and the bimbo probably just hooked up to boost ticket sales. No, I didn’t even watch it. - MC
Three pages of (mostly) crappy movies and no one has mentioned Mission Impossible? What a steaming pile of maggot-infested dung that was. Hands down, the worst big-budget film of all time. 'Course, I haven’t seen Battlefield Earth yet, so…
But I disagree with a number of the other choices on these pages, so I’m sure there are people who think Mission Incomprehensible was a fine piece of cinema. And that’s what I love about movies.
BTW, I’m starting my first feature film in January… hope it doesn’t end up on a future version of this thread!!!
The worst movie I’ve paid to see was An Awfully Big Adventure, with Hugh Grant (quite possibly my least favorite actor).
This movie had spent about an hour sucking the big root when the lead actress, a young girl who has recently begun her first sexual affair with a man who turns out to be her father, turns to him in bed and says (paraphrased, but serious and in a thick Irish brogue), “Ya know, I’m gettin’ used ta fuckin’. It’s kinda like playin’ the ukulele–after a while, ya get the hang of it.” At that point, most of us actually rolled in the floor, groaning.
The only redeeming quality of the movie was Alan Rickman, who was an actor playing Captain Hook in a local production of Peter Pan. That was cool.
As a med student, I will concur that Patch Adams was two hours I’ll never have back. The worst part of it was the med school dean, and his insistence that they would “dehumanize” the students. Medicine has never, ever been like that, and anyone like that would certainly not be in charge of a med school (for very long). From what I understand, Patch Adams himself is pretty much “over the top”, but is also an excellent physician–his book is required reading on my family practice rotation.
Dr. J
Ok, let me get a few things straight before I list the movies I hate.
One, The Green Mile was true to the book. Which is a good thing.
Apt Pupil was NOT true to the book. Don’t watch this movie, read the novella by Stephen King, it’s in Four Seasons
For those of who you don’t like Gone With the Wind, all I can do is say that I am very, very sorry for you. I’ve read the book five times and seen the movie at least that much, and do you know what? Scarlett is SUPPOSED to be a bitch, that’s sorta the point of the whole book.
I think there should be a law. Nobody could bad-mouth movies based on books for thre reasons.
1)It’s almost a given the movie is going to suck anyway, because movies based on books always do. (See “Apt Pupil”)
2) Most of the people who bitch and moan about said movies haven’t read the book in the first place
3) Some of the movies such as Gone with the Wind, and THe Green Mile, stay very true to the book. So if you are going to hate them, do so in the “Books I absolutely detest” thread.
Ok, the movies I hate, hate HATE are “Mission to Mars” “My Best Friend’s Wedding” and any movie with Freddie Prinze Jr in it. “She’s ALl That” was the most horrible, disgusting, vile piece of shit (Next to Mission to Mars) that I have ever sat through. Don’t watch that movie. Rent “Can’t Buy Me Love”, same idea, but MUCH MUCH better done.
The Thirteenth Warrior is the worst movie I’ve seen in a long time. Just bad.
I also hate Con Air. Actually I just can’t stand Nicholas Cage. I hope I never have to hear that damn attempted southern accent again.
Those of you with poor taste, your opinions have not gone unnoticed.
BlackKnight, Face/Off is not that terrible. Cheesy at times, but certainly no worse than your average action movie of the summer.
Okay. Sign me up then, you philistine. I’m guessing you sympathized with the German nihilists when you watched it. This movie is hilarious, and is worthy of a spot in a small to mid-sized personal video collection.
I think someone already posted this, but Brazil is a great vision of dystopia. I’m sorry it wasn’t obvious enough for you.
How could some people compare it to The Matrix and Dark City? ROTFL. Both of these movies are inferior to Brazil. Next time buy a 6 pak of Miller Lite and rent Speed instead. Or watch The Matrix for the eighteenth time.
Ok, maybe he wasn’t Andy Kaufman, but the movie was funny. The last 20 minutes where he is dying might not have been to your taste, but the movie was not “horrrible horrible horrible.”
C’mon, Sean Connery is not even close to Robin Williams. The man who made so many Bond movies? I’m sure you meant to type the name of some other actor.
Tim Burton is an excellent director who has made several good movies, including Beetlejuice, Batman, and Edward Scissorhands. Who keeps giving him money? A lot of people who understand and like quality (read: people who are not like you.) My advice? Stop wasting your money on videos and start buying more airplane glue. You have nothing to lose.
Wasn’t there just a thread about the meaning of “damning with faint praise”? 
You weren’t paying attention. The comparison was; what other great actor (Williams is a magnificent actor) has appeared in so many AWFUL movies?
Sean Connery has appeared in many great movies, but that’s not the point; the point is that he has appeared in many awful movies, and many of the worst movies of all time. “Highlander II” is my hands-down choice for the worst movie ever made, and “The Avengers” is right up… er, down there.
Seconded. (Except I haven’t read the book five times.)
Gone With the Wind easily makes my top ten list of movies ever made.
I’m gonna do a repeat. The movie I most actively loathe is the already-mentioned piece of tripe The Bodyguard. And not just cause it’s so terrible. No, I have more personal reasons. My friend saw this movie back in high school and for no reason I can fathom, fell in love with the Kevin Costner character. Not with Kevin Costner. With the character, Frank Farmer. (My god forgive me that I know his name.) Anyway, for the next three or so years, she talked about this movie constantly. She made me watch it once. I told her not to ever do that to me again. Oh my god. Mygodmygodmygod. She had the soundtrack, and bought the movie and you couldn’t have a conversation with her without her talking about this movie. This kind of overexposure would have made me hate any movie, really.
The top was, though, when she actually changed her name to Rachel, which is the name of the Whitney Houston character in the movie. I am serious. Her given name is Rosemary, but she’s always hated it. When she went to college, she decided to introduce herself as Rachel, and is still using that name, five years later. She now denies that choosing that particular name has nothing to do with Whitney Houston, but I know better. Her obsession with the movie ended a few years ago, but my loathing of it never will.
P.S. I also dislike Gone With the Wind. Not cause Scarlett is a bitch. It’s just too goddamned long, and not enthralling enough to make me want to sit there for three hours watching Atlanta burn.