Hey, that one’s mine!
I also say “Well, that gives him a hobby…”, “Hassan chop!”, and “…eager young space cadet…” quite a lot.
Whenever I leave the house, “If I don’t come back, avenge my death” - Homer Simpson, modified cuz I usually leave alone…
Oh, and I forgot “…Alrighty then…”
I’ve been known to call this out to the cats when I leave for work in the morning. The wife and I also quote Buffy lines to each other in public. :rolleyes:
I thought I was the only one!
I quote The West Wing a lot:
“Thank you for that. Having been educated at Cambridge and the Sorbonne, I am, as you know, exceedingly stupid.”
“I am so, totally, screwed.” (This one’s mostly about delivery.)
“No. Just stand there in your wrongness and be wrong and get used to it.”
“I just want you to admit [whatever]. Also, that you’re secretly in love with me.”
“[Whatever] is longer than my… Well, it’s long.”
- Ocean’s Eleven
Worm: It’s like the saying: In the poker game of life, women are the rake. They’re the fucking rake.
Mike: What saying? What are you talking about?
Worm: Well, it should be a saying.
- Rounders
How could I forget Sealab? Man!
“Don’t you mean…BIZARRO (insert topic here)?!” in reference to basically any comment made.
My dad says “Meps!” when he’s frustrated. This is before my time, but I vaguely recall it as an SNL reference. He also does the “wild and craaazy guy!”
We like “May I please use the bathroom?”
“Of course you may.”
(pause)
“Thank you.”
When life’s been beating me down, or I’ve heard the same song to many times …
“Ja! Ja! Ich bin ein Amerikanischer shpion! Ja! Ein vork von Allen Dulles! Ja! Ja!”
From one, Two , Three
But not in the memorable quotes, oddly enough. A fate that’s hopeless, but not serious 
Oh, and my apologies to all German-speaking people for what I just did to your language.
In my household most of the quotes come from the Britcom compilation A Bit of Fry and Laurie (until recently the only F&L available in the States):
[ul]
[li]“Lapel badge!” (used whenever either of us comes back from a conference with a nametag on)[/li][li]“[singing] America…”[/li][li]“Well, I don’t actually call myself a school…”[/li][li]“Hello. We’re talking about language.”[/li][li]“Damn, blast, and double damn!”[/li][li]“I was standing here…”[/li][li]“See you then, Tony.” “Bye!”[/li][li]“[singing] Urine and vomit…”[/li][/ul]
And at bedtime we quote from The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra: “I sleep now!”
From old Eddie Murphy movies …
“Is there a problem, officers?”
“It. Was. The. Dukes. It. Was. The. Dukes”
“Heyyy, man! Bubbles! When I was a kid, we wanted bubbles, we had to fart in the tub!”
“Raaaawxanne! Yooou don’t have to put on the redlight! You don’t have to … dance for moNEY.”
“You’re not gonna fall for a banana in the tail pipe?”
Mel Brooks movies:
“Hadn’t anybody gotta dime? Aw, hell. Somebody’s gonna have to go back and get a SHITload a’ dimes!”
“Excuse me while I whip this out.”
“Seein as how you are my guest, what is yo pleasure? What do you like to do?” “Oh, I don’t know … play chess? screw?” “Well … let’s play chess.”
“NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, YES! No, no, YES!”
Raising Arizona:
“On account a’ there’s somethin wrong with my semen.”
“Mind you don’t hurt yourself, Mordecai!”
“No! Not that mother-scratcher! Bill PARKER!”
“When there was no food, we ate crawfish. When there was no crawfish, we ate sand.” “You ate what?” “We ate sand.” You ate sand?" “We ate sand.”
“Turn to the right!”
“What was the child wearing?” “I don’t know! He was wearin his damn jammies!” “Can you describe the jammies?” “Hell, I don’t know! They were jammies! They had yodas and shit on em!”
Weird Science:
“Fats, man. I’m gonna tell you my story, man. (the entire speech, which is much too long to reproduce)”
“We’ll take two sets. And set yourself up with a set. Thats … three sets, please.”
“Is that my grandparents?”
“That’s not a joke! That is a severe behavioral disorder!”
“In your dream, did I wake up in the middle of the night and yack in your sink? No? You didn’t see anything? Maybe it was a dream. A very bizarre, twisted, wet, detailed dream.”
“I can’t believe you’re dropping wolf-bait and there’s CHICKS outside!”
Labyrinth:
“Ahloh!” “Did you just say hello?” “No, I said Ahloh, but that’s close enough.” “But … you’re a worm.” “Yeah! S’right!”
“Smell Bad!”
Four Weddings & A Funeral:
“There’s a sort of greatness to your lateness.” “Thanks. It’s not achieved without real suffering.”
“I still owe you for that thing in the place.” - from Ocean’s Eleven
“I’ve never even been to Belize.” - the follow-up line to that.
But most of mine are from Clue!.
“But that would be one plus two plus one plus one, not one plus two plus two plus one.”
“Burning, burning flames up the side of my face!”
“I buttle.”
“Then who did I shoot?”
“I’m going home to sleep with my wife.”
"Not ‘Craw’ – ‘Craw!’ " (Get Smart)
I’d like to add that “Nice Marmot” from Big Lebowski is also one of my favourites. I even made a t-shirt that says, in plain font, “Nice marmot.”
Also, we say “I’ll be back” as well, to which I always respond, “And I’ll be Mozart.” I thought I was incredibly clever until I read on here that I’m not the only one who does this, by a long shot.
Exactly! This movie is a (little known) gem, filled with good material for banter. And it made me start watching for Marvin J. McIntyre in other movies. Surprising how many places he shows up.
Which reminds me of some more:
“This one is twenty dollars.”
“Aw, I had to get up anyway.”
“Where’s the dog?”
“Well look at this! Two of my favorite people in the world, talkin’ to each other.”
“There’s nothing wrong with the land, it’s just some of the people.”
“This oughta do.”
“You know, hanging around with you is no picnic.”
“As you may have guessed, I am not from these parts.”
“You idiot, he’s hit everything he’s aimed at!”
“Today, my jurisdiction ends here.”
“You better watch your ass. 'Cause these guys’ll shoot it off.”
“We’re runnin’ outta deputies.”
“We’re gonna give you a fair trial, followed by a first-class hangin’.”
“He was practicin’ so hard for a fight, he missed the whole thing.”
“All I did was kiss the girl.”
“I figure you can approach life like everybody’s your friend, or no one is. Don’t make much difference.”
“A good smelly saloon’s about my favorite place in the world.”
“I’m gonna miss that hat. My head spent three years trainin’ it.”
“The world is what you make of it, friend. If it doesn’t fit, you make alterations.”
“I think there’s only a couple-a guys up there and this asshole is one of 'em.”
“Mister, you got a lot to learn about people.”
“I figured it was just bad luck.”
When I need to get people’s attention:
“Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up.”
Ray, this looks extraordinarily bad (Ghostbusters)
Nuke 'em from orbit, it is the only way to be sure (Aliens)
My Hovercraft is full of eels (Monty Python) – whenever my family discuss having trouble conversion with someone in a foreign language this phrase almost always comes up.
when I managed to track down the trailer for Episode 3 before its public release, my “Many Bothan spies died to get you this information” went over well.
Brian
Our favorites are:
*Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: *
One of us: Asks a question about why somebody does something the way they do, like “Why are they turning left on red?”
Reply: “Because, Charlie, they’re nit-wits.”
One: <makes a statement>
Other: “Wroonng!” (in the cheerful “Right!” tone WW used)
“You get nothing. You lose. Good day, sir!”
“Save some room for later, Augustus, liebling!”
Back to the Future:
“He’s an idiot. His parents were probably idiots too.”
The Tick:
“The little bunny guy was chafing, so I let him go.”
“Two yaks and a dog? Laxative log? Susan?”
“Now you’re doing it on purpose. How juvenile.”
House:
One: “We’ve got rectal bleeding.”
Other: “What–*all * of you?”
Also, I have some obscure ones that I say for my own benefit (and my dogs’, who seem to like them), that only draw quizzical looks from other people…maybe someone can guess them 
“Detective, thrill me.”
“Poison clan rocks the world!”
“I’m a mechanic” when someone asks “Are you a —?”
“Look out! Muppets!”
“You’re a funny guy Sally, I like you.”
We use lines from the MST3K movies a lot.
When someone states the obvious:
“Did you notice his forehead? NOOOOOHHHH!”
When someone says something beside the point:
“And if my hands were made of metal, that might mean something.”
When there’s a mental lapse:
“There go the piano lessons!”
Or my son’s favorite for mental lapses:
'Can’t …remember… my father!"
Thought of a few more:
“Open, duuuh, saddlesoap?
Open, duuuuh, septagenarian?
Open, duuuuuh, Saskatchawan?
Open, duuuuuuh, sasparilla?” (I know the spelling’s off, but that’s how he says it)
“Disappointed!!!”
“What’s your major malfunction, private?”
“Be the ball, Timmy.”
“Right in the lumberyard.”