By “actively hate” I don’t mean “dislike”. I mean movies that you find to be so egregious that you feel angry when you leave the theater.
For me, the best example is Unbreakable, the M. Night Shamalamadingdong film starring Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson. It was intended (I think) to be a superhero comic book story told in terms of real life, but it’s a bit too much like real life for the superhero plot to work. I felt sorry for everyone; Dunn (Willis) was too much of a sad sack to be a real hero, and I couldn’t understand why Price (Jackson) wanted to stalk Dunn and his family. There wasn’t enough of a backstory for either of the men to make their sides plausible. It was also much too stylized; I know it was trying to follow comic book conventions, but I find such devices to be precious and twee, really. I genuinely, actively hate this movie.
I’m not trying to start an argument. I’m not interested in hearing how Shyalaman is a genius and how this movie is really a parable of the triumph of Jesus over Satan or whatever. All I want is a discussion of which films we actively hate.
Robin
Independence Day. When Will Smith’s character “borrows” a helicopter and fly’s blindly into the night to find his girlfriend who coincidentally rescued the President’s wife…
Bubba Ho-Tep. (Please forgive me, diehard fans. I know how you can get.). A couple we know recommended it, saying it was witty and “deep.” The deep part was supposed to be that it makes us think about how old people are neglected in retirement homes. That is bull, I get that “depth” from a random episode of The Simpsons. The pacing was ghastly, the humor was non-existent, it was just a giant middle finger to its audience. Ever since seeing it, I have been trying to find the answer to how-in-the-hell anyone has found it entertaining.
I have discovered, though, that that same couple seems to always enjoy movies which I find insulting, not just bad movies, but insulting. Ever see a bad re-make or sequel that plays down to the audience? I bet they loved it.
Donny Darko came to mind first. I had read such good things about DD here that I just had to try it. What an overblown steaming piece of dull it was.
Then Napoleon Dynamite. I don’t recall reading good things about it, a friend gave it to me for Christmas and told me it was hilarious. It was so painful I had to watch it in small doses.
The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover. A date suggested it, and if I had any inkling what it was about, I never would have gone. Very sick, twisted, and disturbing. I walked out of the theater half way through, very upset, and I don’t recall that I’ve ever felt that way about a movie. Of course, I usually know what a movie is about before I see it, so I just don’t watch the ones that I suspect would provoke that strong of a reaction in me.
Starship Troopers and Dungeons and Dragons: abominations which tarnish good names.
Donnie Darko: it undid all of the interesting parts of the story, until all you end up with is “an engine fell off a plane and crushed Donnie in his bed”.
Dogville: I have never seen the movie, and never want to see the movie, but reading the plot summary on Wikipedia is enough to make me hate it.
I used to annoy people on this board by going overboard in my criticism of Return of the King. So instead I’ll say the latter two Matrix movies, which are even worse.
The Matrix. It’s hard for me to truly convey what a steaming pile of shit I think this movie is. I never bothered seeing the second two movies, but I resent them, because they lead to fanboys explaining “The seconds two were bad but the first one was really good! It was solid!” A part of me believes that if the sequels never existed, they would realize that compared to good movies, The Matrix both sucks and blows.
Stars Wars III: Revenge of the Sith. I walked out of the movie theater convinced that George Lucas is not just a bad film maker (he is), and running one of the biggest scams in history (he is), but that he actively hates the human race. His misanthropy runs as deep as his soul. He hates humans because he does not understand them, as evidenced by the so-called characterization and motivations in this film. He despises his audience, as well. He wants to punish people for his own failings as a man, and his self-loathing (and misanthropy) was funneled into Revenge of the Sith to create his final testament to cynicism, sadism, and anti-social behavior. The film was manipulative, trite, unremarkable, derivative, and boring–and that’s not even the worst things I can say about it. Everybody tries to claim it was the best of the three prequels, but I view Eps 1 and 2 as mere failings of imagination. The subtext of ep 3 was far more disturbing than the brainlessness of eps 1 and 2.
And before anybody accuses me of being a bitter fanboy(girl) of the original trilogy, I hate all of six movies. I just hate Revenge of the Sith the most.
Leaving Las Vegas - Oh my God, one of you die already!!
21 Grams - I don’t remember why anymore, but Sean Penn’s naked body will haunt me forever.
Sideways - Which guy is more appalling? The obviously obnoxious overgrown drunken lothario cheater, or the quieter, legend-in-his-own mind milquetoast who steals from his elderly mother who’s on a fixed income, and lies about it?
I hate About Schmidt. The title character is an actuary, which happens to be my profession, and he’s depicted as a narrow-minded, provincial dolt. He has never travelled, never thought about anything besides his job, and appears destitute and barely able to care for himself.
The portrayal exemplifies Hollywood’s view that the only cool people in life are actors, writers, and other artsy-fartsy types, and that professional people conducting business in middle America are brain-dead dweebs–especially if they live in places like Omaha.
“I’m Not Here” or “There” or whatever the hell that time-waster about people who were not Bob Dylan but sorta’ were Bob Dylan was called. I wanted to strangle that movie.