"What Not to Name A Dog"

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“What Not to Name A Dog”

Everybody who has a dog calls him “Rover or Spot”. I call mine “Sex”. Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for “Sex”. He said, “I’d like to have one too”. Then I said, “But this
is a dog”. He said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “You don’t understand, I’ve had Sex since I was nine years old”. He said, “You must have been quite a kid”. When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said, “Every room in the place is for sex.” I said, “You don’t understand, Sex keeps me awake at night”. The clerk
said, “Me too”.

One day I entered sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. “But you don’t understand,” I said, “I had hoped to have Sex on T. V.” He called me a “Show-off”.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married”. The Judge said, “Me too”. Then I told him that after I was married Sex left me. He said, “Me too”.
Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, “What are you doing in this alley at 4 o’clock in the morning”? I said, “I’m looking for Sex”. My case comes up Friday.
Author Unknown

Ahh…I’m personally a bit more fond of the old “Stains” dog-naming.

::Owner yelling on front porch::


::Ownder walks back into house grumbling::

Damned Stains.


I knew a fellow once (really) who named his dog “Girl.” This dog was trained to walk without a leash. So Girl is trotting ahead of my friend, and there is a woman walking ahead of Girl. My friend, nervous that Girl is walking too fast, calls “Hey, girl! Come here! Come to papa.” He claims he almost got a heal in his face.

Why I’d name him “Stay”.
Heal “Stay”.

Come “Stay”.

Sit “Stay”.
Damned confused dog that “Stay”.
(with apologies to Steven Wright)

  • NM

My Stepdad actually had a dog named Dammit. really. It seemed sorta cool at first but in public it got sort of embarassing.

I was never sure if he was talking to the dog or me…

He thought it was a riot…always…Jerk.

I was thinking of naming a dog My Penis

:-:Owner yelling at dog:-:

Come My Penis Come!
My Penis stop humping that man’s Leg
Who’se My Penis yes you are My Penis, good boy
My Penis! Get off that Bitch!
:-: Owner Looking for dog :-:

Excuse me Officer have you seen My Penis?

or the old one about naming your racing greyhound ‘nads’

go, nads, go…

There was a movie a long time ago (for an 18-YO) with either Jim Carrey or Steve Martin, and the dog was named Shithead.

Friend of mine had a dog named Human…

I know a dude who had the balls to name his dog, “Mom.”

“My Mom’s a bitch,” he’d say. “No really.”

It cracked him up.

I think that the movie you are refering to was “The Jerk” with Steve Martin. The dogs name was “Stupid”. However, I may be wrong. There may be other movies also that I haven’t seen.

My Uncle named his German Shepard “Honey” so when he called the dog, both she and his wife would come running.

The dog died suddenly…

I love ya’ll’s stories, especially the ‘mom’'s a bitch one. This is a true story. We have a female dog named Molly, we hadn’t lived here very long, so our neighbors didn’t know us yet. My husband was out back and I could hear him yelling at Molly. I opened the window and he was screaming at her to run.

‘Run you fat girl, run Molly, get off your fat rear end and run!’

I took off downstairs (you can only reach the backyard by way of the basement) to tell my husband to cut it out, people were in their yards laughing since they couldn’t see who he was yelling at, it sounded as though he was yelling at me! :o Boy would I get teased about this for YEARS by those that heard him, luckily they are now moving away!

The original name for the dog in “The Jerk” was Shithead. It was changed to Stupid to be shown on TeeVee.

This statement makes me sooooo sad… :frowning:

I’m not old am I? pout


Jim Carrey??? you mistook Steve Martin for JIM CARREY! …Oh glory day…