That’s funny, because anger is my emotional gauge for how offended I am. There are things that annoy me – and some things annoy me probably more than they should – but annoyance isn’t anger, and I’m not offended by such things even if I don’t have a lot of patience for them. If I’m annoyed by something, I’ll try to avoid it as much as I can, but I won’t be burning an awful lot of angst on it, as I have better uses of my energy. If I’m actually offended, I’m spitting furious.
I think the gold standard for “offensive” for me is: someone who is clearly attempting to hurt someone else on purpose. So this covers everything from dishonesty to the stuff that will land you in prison. Hurting someone physically or mentally is more offensive than hurting them by taking/damaging their property.
Dishonesty in particular is really offensive, because 1> it is by definition a choice, you can’t lie “by accident” so it requires either true malice or extreme self-centeredness, and 2> nearly everything else that’s offensive has a large element of dishonesty involved. It’s sort of a “root of all evil” kind of thing. It’s also the one offensive thing I run into most often, which I’m sure is part of it. It ticks me off how common it is, particularly since honesty is easier.
Lying also requires a great deal of effort (to keep stories straight, to prevent people learning the truth from another source, etc.) and it offends me if someone is willing to burn all that energy on maintaining a lie, but not on honestly dealing with whatever the problem is.
On the other hand, cluelessness doesn’t offend me, although it does occasionally annoy and frustrate me, sometimes a lot, depending on what it is.
Same here, and it’s not so much related to the notion of such behavior indicating future cruel/antisocial behavior as, well, I don’t know. Come on, toys should be your friends!
Also, wastage, like saliqmind says. One thing that increased my distaste for my ex was his tendency to throw away, without a second thought, anything without consideration for its usefulness, condition, impact on the landfill, etc.
Seeing people embarrass or shame their kids in public. It happened so much to me and it makes me cringe for them.
People who are glued to their cell phones and insist that they have to be connected. Like ten years ago almost no one had these things, now you have people that are glued to them and insist they can’t be seperated from them.
People equating the TSA patdown to sexual assault. As someone who has been sexually assaulted, I’ll take the patdown, thanks, and you can have the unwanted dick in your mouth.
You’d think so reading this thread. I’m beginning to wonder if the definition of ‘offense’ was officially changed in the last week and I didn’t notice.
The one thing that offends me more than anything else is being spoken to as though I were an idiot. Racism and sexism are a close second and third, respectively.
Honestly, I think taking offense at things is a sign of personal work to be done. That’s not to say I don’t think certain things aren’t deplorable and possibly worth righteous anger, like racism, sexism, or whatever, but letting such things affect my personal state never pays off.
For example, with regard to racism, if someone says something that they don’t intend as racist but comes off that way, there’s no point in me getting upset because it wasn’t intended; instead, it can be pointed out, and if it was truly unintended, they’re now aware of it and it won’t happen again. Getting upset in that situation can potentially blow it out of proportion, or force them to get defensive, neither of which is productive. If, OTOH, someone says something racist with the intention of being racist and being offensive, then to let it affect my emotional state is to allow them to achieve their goal. Instead, the best result is to remain calm and take whatever action is appropriate rather than responding in anger and escalating the situation.
That said, there are some things that do still offend me, particularly belligerent willful ignorance, but even in that case, being offended solves nothing, as being stubborn and fighting back won’t change their minds and will just get them to dig in their heals, and getting angry just escalates the situation. However, I strive to resolve that sort of situation so that, in the future, I won’t be offended by it anymore.
People who can’t park their car within the lines. Doubly offended when it’s a big truck and doofus can’t seem to figure out how to park in less than 1.5 spaces. I almost never do anything about it though. With the exception of the following note left on a giant, lifted pickup:
"*Son,
I understand that little boys love to play with dangerous looking toys. And adults like me smile indulgently as we watch children like you straining to look like bad hombres, while glowering at the world from behind your playthings. But eventually you have to grow up, and either use toys more appropriate to your size, or learn to operate the ones you haven’t yet grown into. If you need any help learning to drive and park this beast, feel free to ask any of the men you see on this lot. We’ll be glad to help you. The men are easy to pick out, they can park their cars in the spaces.
Best wishes on your path to becoming a grownup*."
Not exactly word for word, but very close. I didn’t keep a copy.
What offends me are people who judge people on the most limited information and then refuse to hear more information.
I am
I am not 47, although that is my age, I am not my age.
I am not a man, although that is my gender, I am not my gender.
I am not white, although that is my race, I am not my race.
I am not a criminal, although I have a criminal record, I am not my crime.
I am not unemployed, although I have no job, I am not my employment status.
I am not depressed, although I have that disability, I am not my disability.
I am me.
But I stand by my reply. It wasn’t a joke. Gum-chewers, smokers etc. offend me.
I’m not being “holyier than thou”. I have many bad, disgusting habits. I just don’t do them in front of you, in public. If I did, I would be on this list Of Things That Offend You.
The other day my stepson walked up to the sink and dumped out most of a glass of orange juice. He was startled when his dad and I both clutched at our chests and staggered like Redd Foxx. I’m an atheist, but I have been known to use the word “sin” to describe people throwing away food.
I am offended by people who are convinced that all poor people are lazy or stupid, and must let you know that they not only don’t give a shit about your problems, you deserve to have nothing.
