I am fascinated by the ease with which people take offense, both in terms of what they take offense to (from?) and how quickly they do so.
I have an exceptionally high threshold for offense-taking - even when it’s plainly warranted, I rarely find it worth the emotional bother, it’s been my experience that there’s pretty much no payoff, and I’m all about the payoff in whatever I do.
Which isn’t to say I am completely immune to being offended, I’m certainly not, it’s just that it takes a lot. And when I really examine what genuinely offends me, I find that it’s mostly things that don’t really have anything to do with me directly. For instance, I am offended by dishonesty, wherever I see it, and the degree to which I am offended by it is generally tied to the situation - how dishonest is someone being, for what purpose, and who is being hurt.
But most of the personal sorts of things that people tend to be offended by don’t offend me as often as they puzzle me - when others are obviously trying to be offensive, I just wonder why, what they get out of it. And when people are not trying to be offensive, but manage to succeed anyway, I am puzzled by how offended people get when others behave cluelessly.
So what offends you? Why does it offend you? And if you could just stop being so offended, would you?
People who brag about themselves a lot offend me. If someone has to constantly pat themselves on the back, just to feel good about themselves, I view that as a serious character flaw…
Maybe it’s a matter of one’s perspective? It’s difficult to become offended if a person has a reasonable idea of where they stand in relationship to time and space. Worded more simply, it’s just not always about me.
People are forgetful, thoughtless, self-centered, ignorant - chose one. And I suppose some are mean-spirited, as well. But in terms of how satisfied I’ll be with my life, if I don’t value myself according to how others deal with me or view me, it can mean simply a minor glitch, easily forgotten.
Some personality types are less vulnerable to slights than others. I suppose it could be a stumbling block to polishing our own social skills. Or it could be a gift that graces us with an easy-going attitude. I’ll guess the answer lies in the balance.
My indulgence in the luxurious hobby of being offended generally centers around rudeness or bad manners. Even if I’m not directly affected by the behavior. Just observing people being rude pushes my buttons.
So, I’m not sure of why. Maybe because my parents put such a high value on being thoughtful and respectful of other humans. Maybe because I fret over the social health of my surroundings. Maybe it’s just for balance because it is written:
EVERBODY MUST HAVE AT LEAST ONE THING THAT REALLY BUGS THEM.
I suppose I am similar to Stoid, in that I don’t find offense easily.
I have always said that my personal space is very small - very close to me. So, I have found that people can do or say to me what others might be offended by, but it don’t make no never-mind to me! HOWever, along with a small personal space I will defend it vigorously, so if anyone ever does cross the line - watch out - scorched earth coming.
I do see others (and have been in relationships with some) who seem to me to find offense at the most innocuous stuff. Sorta like the idea that some cultures get offended by one showing the bottom of ones shoe. It’s like, Really? So sorry…
There’s a difference between offense and anger. Offensive things are hurtful things. There are a lot of things that really bug me, or even make me angry, but very little that you can do to offend me.
Lots of people I’ve known say they are not offend-able. This is never true.
The things that bug me the most are privilege-blindness as pertains to whiteness, maleness, able-bodied-ness, straightness, gender identity, and economic status. The attitude that poor black women deserve to be treated like crap because they’re on welfare, or that it’s okay to uphold double standards between married couples and gay couples, or the idea that transfolk don’t deserve to be called the gender pronoun of their choosing are big issues for me. I run into this a lot because I’m in a World of Warcraft guild comprised mainly of white male gamers between 18 and 25.
I also really dislike hate speech but I try not to get preachy about it (since that just causes people to tune out). I let small battles slide with the hope of winning the war. When someone in my WoW guild, for example, calls someone a faggot, I may occasionally type out “*maggot” in a faux-corrective style. I’ve also made some small inroads pertaining to the gender identity on our guild forums… small victories, slightly more open minds. I’ll take 'em. I’m usually more offended by these things than I let on, though, because like I said… small battles. And I’m realistic, in that most privileged people are not forced to examine their privilege EVER. So it’s forgivable ignorance–up to a point.
I’m not a person of color, I’m not on welfare, I’m not gay, and I’m not transgendered. But I consider myself an ally and an advocate.
Other than that, I enjoy a good dead baby joke as much as the next guy.
On a completely different note, I think it’s fucking stupid when people will say “Oh, you’re not fat!” when I self-identify as a fat girl. Because either 1) you can see me, in which case you know I’m fat and just think “fat” is a dirty word, or 2) you’re saying it based on my online persona and voice over teamspeak, and have no idea what I look like. Fat is an objective identifier. It doesn’t have any negative connotations like smelly, gross, ugly, or anything else. If I can call you thin without being offensive, then you can do the same for me and “fat”!
It really gets under my skin when children break their toys on purpose, as a kind of play. You know… tying G. I. Joes to bottle rockets, melting plastic army men, cutting off a Barbie’s hair. I’ve always felt that way, since I was a little kid. I don’t know if it’s the ungratefulness or the wanton destructiveness or what, but it basically makes me hate the kid who does it.
My husband tells me that he used to do that stuff, so I’m trying to become understanding.
I think there should be a clear distinction between things that anger us and those that offend us.
Not to dismiss or discount what dolphinboy said, but I can understand someone who constantly pats themselves on the back angering you, or even pissing you off, but offending you? How, exactly?
Here’s my list.
Racists piss me off; pandering to racists offends me
Xenophobes piss me off; encouraging xenophobia offends me
Homophobes piss me off; justifying homophobia offends me
Religionists (sometimes) piss me off; trucking in religion as a weapon offends me
Sexism pisses me off; attempting to assert control over what a woman can or cannot do in her personal or public life, and especially with her own body as relates to reproductivity offends me
Acts of evil piss me off; attempting to legislate evil offends me
ETA: I see that Balthisar in post 7 above made the same point I did.
Seeing stuff thrown away, wasted, offends me. I’m not a freegan, and I’m not a Child of the Depression, collecting string and making rugs out of plastic bags! But I’ve seen the dumpster outside a college dorm when the semester is over and it’s all I can do not to climb in, start sorting stuff, and then hauling it to Goodwill or the thrift store. I used to volunteer in the school cafeteria, and was appalled at the food thrown out…Right after I got married, I remember buying a box of donuts, and my husband took a bite out of one and pitched the rest into the trash. Was there something wrong with it? No? Then W! T! F! do you think you are doing??? I inquired, and he said, well, I only wanted one bite! He never did that again!
The definition of offense includes ‘the act of causing anger’.
I think whats intended is distinguishing between offense/anger and disgust?
For me its usually a magnitude rather than an absolute, ie I dislike racism, but it has to get to a certain level before it disgusts me rather than irritates or annoys me for instance.
I think there also needs to be a differentiation between “people who offend me” and “people I feel superior to”.
If someone offends you by being fat, you’re far too delicate to survive this world. Besides, if there were no fat people, gum chewers, or smokers left, how would you measure your own worth as a human being?
Before I post a list I would like to know, what is the difference between being angry and offended? I’ve always associated anger, or at least being upset, with offense.
I make a distinction between being offended and being irritated, though I’m not sure if it’s a good or a clear one.
I’m irritated on a daily basis, by various petty stupidities and bigotries. To say that I’m offended, to me, implies something more than an eyeroll and slight drop in my faith-in-humanity levels, something more viscerally repulsive and not always rational.
I’m irritated by my mom’s anti-science attitude, but I’m offended by the people convincing her it’s better to take homeopathic remedies than go to chemo.
