DISCLAIMER: I am not in any way offended by this. I do not need to lighten up, relax, untwist my panties, or chill out. I’m just curious.
I see this sentiment thrown about regularly, both here and IRL. It seems to be said anytime a question of whether something might be offensive is brought up about something that the speaker personally does not find offensive. I’m kind of baffled by the assumption and am wondering whether people who say this phrase actually believe it to be true?
It seems like kind of a silly thing to say, really. Why would you assume that someone who is bothered about this one particular thing this one particular time in fact makes a career out of being offended? Surely there are some things that offend you but not other people, yet of course you are not actively seeking things to be offended by, so what makes you think that other people are?
Very few people are actively *seeking *to be offended, but some definitely have a much lower threshold for “offended-ness” or will pounce much more quickly on anything that could be construed as offensive.
Being offended is often a good way to put other people on the defensive, because it presumes other people have to prove that you aren’t, or shouldn’t be, offended, and that can’t be done.
Meh…I think there ARE actually SOME people that actually ARE SEEKING to be offended about X,Y, or Z.
You are probably right that the are not THAT common…but you have a forum with a few thousand active members…one of them WILL find something to be offended about…and about 10 times that number will “back up” offended person…
It’s funny: I was thinking along the same lines yesterday, though for me the word was anger, not offended, but I see it as nearly the same: there are some people who, for reasons known only to them, have personalities, sensibilities, dispositions–any number of words can be used to describe this–that they are intensely defensive and private about. I don’t mean that they’re necessarily private people but rather that their points of values, whether cultural, religious, political (etc.) are almost like their private property, and hearing anything that runs against their grain is like trespassing on their lawn or, worse, home invasion.
One can only speculate on why this is the case but I’ve encountered it many times in my life,–too many :rolleyes:–and it’s in my family, somewhat, and I’ve seen it in good friends who, if they hear a certain word or phrase, a stringing together of particular thoughts and ideas, are almost immediately offended. It’s a kind of road rage, as I see it, only it’s interpersonal, has nothing to do with cars. My conclusion was that there’s a lot of buried anger out there, and while we all have our share, certain kinds of people have a need to go public with it (so to speak), while I think it’s fair to say that most of us recognize it for what it is and don’t jump to conclusions.
I term I was recently introduced to is “virtual signalling”, where people go out of their way to show off how they share the viewpoints of the group. “Seeking offence” is basically “seeking an opportunity to virtue signal”.
Of course, among some groups saying “some people are going out of way to be offended” and decrying political correctness is just virtue signalling of a different sort.
I think people are stupid about what “offense” really means.
I have a coworker who has a sense of humor that borders on the edge of inappropriate. Sometimes he manages to make me laugh, but most time his antics are just tiring. But he assumes that just because I’m not generous enough to do a fake-laugh for his sake, I must be OMG OFFENDED. Are the only feelings out there “happy” and “OMG OFFENDED!”? Or is it possible that something can be just “meh” or mildly irritating? I’d love it if people could stop equating every negative reaction to offense.
I also think people assume that their comments exist in some kind of magical vacuum, not getting that bad feelings are often the result of a culmination of jabs. For instance, being asked “When are you going to have children?” is not an offensive question on its face. But if a person has to hear that shit all the time, it starts to feel that way. It is way easier to inform people that they are being nosy by asking such a personal question than it is turn into a supernatural entity that somehow manages to never be annoyed.
I think people are simply becoming more assertive, and I think this is a good thing. More people need to learn how to express their feelings honestly so that the social inepts around them would get more direct feedback about how they come across.
I think quite a few people *are *looking to be offended. It’s both a cheap way of feeling superior to someone, and a useful excuse for attacking them; literally or figuratively.
A classic if extreme example would be lynching a black man for looking at a white woman. It’s pretty obvious that somebody who’d do something like that was just looking for an* excuse.*
I offend myself sometimes … no one else has that power over me … someone can say something to me that’s offensive, but they don’t offend me, I’m offended because it’s true … and that’s my fault …
I remember a friend of a friend, years back (this was the early 80s) who was in the vanguard of the offenderati.
White guy who liked listening to blues records? Cultural appropriation. White guy who liked playing blues? Cultural appropriation, plus virtual blackface. The terminology may have been different back then, or not (can’t remember), but that’s essentially what she would say.
Problem with anyone “of color” (for example, if you got pissed off at a black guy who tried to scam you out of some money)? “Your privilege is showing.”
Condemning the practices of another culture (like, maybe, thinking the practice of suttee was really not that good a thing)? Imperialism. Or colonialism. Or something.
Holy crap, she was a pain in the ass. I wonder if she ever grew out of it?
Funny thing, she was from Southport, Connecticut, and went to Greenwich Country Day School and Princeton. Her family were members of the Hunt Club (if you’re from Fairfield County, Connecticut, you’ll know what I mean). She grew up about as “privileged” as it’s possible to get. You couldn’t tell her that, because she’d just rachet up her level of offended-ness. Especially if a man told her, because, well, male privilege and all that.
Yes, I’ve met a few people who just *love *to be offended.
A lot of people have low self-esteem and an easy way to feel better about yourself is to “prove” to yourself and others that you’re a better person than someone(s) else. Taking an eye-catching level of offense at what someone else says is a quick way to show off that superiority you’re trying to broadcast. It’s probably not a conscious decision, just habit.
Hell yeah, there are people who look for an excuse to get offended. They’re a subset of “people whose greatest joy in life is to complain” and they’re fuckin’ EVERYWHERE.
Where these conversations often get derailed though is that “you’re just looking for an excuse to be offended” is a complaint most often directed from right wing to left wing, although there are offenderati of any political persuasion. So then “looking for an excuse to be offended” becomes a proxy statement for “the world is getting too left wing, and I don’t like it.” Even though there’s no necessary connection between those statements.
Saintly Loser’s already given us a left wing offenderati example. For a right-wing one … Well, there was recently a story in the local news about Muslim students in primary school not having to sing the national anthem because it was Eid, and singing was a thing they were supposed to be abstaining from. Oh! The Drama! - you wouldn’t believe. Although it makes literally zero difference to anyone’s life if a person sings or doesn’t sing … but people who already hated Muslims were pouring out of the woodwork to say “See? See? Those People!”
Overly emotional about something that has no effect on you is a very good way to spot ‘looking for an excuse to be offended’