Downhill or Super G would be my best chance. Point skis downhill, check. Go as fast as possible, check. Try not to crash, check.
You can’t leave us hanging like that! What was it like?
As for myself, if procrastination were an Olympic event, I’d tell you about my skills tomorrow.
If I trained more I could keep up with some of the swimmers. The women, doing the breaststroke, while I do free. But when I do really up the training I could keep up with the women in the 200 breast, I might be able to place with a medal, if they allowed me to do free. 
The men would all kill me by a minute or so if I went head to head in any of the other 200 strokes.
I might also have an ok shot in the triathlon, if I really trained.
I’d never pass the drug tests, no matter how hard I studied.
I had a good eye for target shooting when I was younger so I might have had a chance. I did a lot of weight lifting when I was younger, but I might have trouble carrying enough muscle and staying below the heavyweight limit. As a heavyweight, an unlimited weight class, I’d be small so not be very competitive.
One of the equestrian events. I can ride, no where near Olympic standards, but with the right horse and some coaching, I might make it around a course without injuring myself or the horse. I was pretty fearless on a horse when I was younger - a few bad falls and the wisdom of age has made me more cautious.
How well would you do as the horse? They are the actual athletes in the equestrian events.
Are we talking about a sport we once played that we might have actually been that successful in, had things gone right, or are we talking about what sport fat, out of shape 47 year old me would try and compete in during the 2020 Olympics?
In the first category, it would probably be shot-put. I was a workmanlike shotputter in high school- usually good for a point or two in most meets. Had I put in a lot more effort and actually taken it seriously, I could actually been pretty good, as opposed to merely decent.
As for latter-day me, I think I’d probably be best off in the shooting events- I’m a decent shot, but hardly world-class.
Basketball. I played in high school and college. It wasn’t a Division 1 team. My Olympic prospects were slim to none.
Today? Is fucking an Olympic sport? I’ll join that team. 
On a slightly unrelated (and sneak bragging) point, The family and I had a hike down the Streif in Kitzbuhel just today. Home of the Hahnekamm downhill race. A red run with a 800m vertical and nothing to scare the horses for any moderately competent skier…but…for anyone that has skied at 60mph+ you will look at the terrain, turns, cambers and ridges and imagine to yourself what enormous clanging nuts these guys have to take it on, full pelt, at nearer 90.
So though I agree with your game plan above, I suspect that it is your final criteria that you may struggle with.
Women’s weightlifting.
What!?! 
Sailing, Finn class.
No way I’d win, but I might even be decent enough to qualify to compete on behalf of Cayman and not end up dead last.
Eons ago, I was a part of an 8-woman rowing team in college. If my fellow 7 other rowers were at their peak in the sport, I might be able to carry my weight as an 8th. If I couldn’t cut it as a rower, I could do a turn as the coxswain. Since I don’t row regularly any more (maybe a couple time a year at best), I would need a LOT of practice time first.
At 60, I could never compete successfully in any of the individual sports I can think of.
When I was in high school I was a moderately decent swimmer, a backstroker who was as good as anybody on my team and about middle of the pack when it came to state sectionals. Which is to say, nothing to write home about.
When the Olympics came along one summer between seasons I watched the backstrokers avidly, astonished at how quickly they moved and how effortless it all seemed. They were in another universe compared to me. But I did see somewhere a list of ALL the competitors, not just the top ones, and this list included people from very small countries without much athletic success–and there were a handful of guys in this category whose times in the 100 meters were analogous to mine over 100 yards.
“Wow,” I said, “if I were from [name of country] I’d be an Olympian too–and I might not even finish last!”
It was a wonderful thought…
Way to go! I worked with a guy who made it as an alternate for the Pan American games back in the 1970s. Man, was he meticulous. I watched him reloading some .308 brass. Every brass was marked with a felt pen to go back in the chamber the same way every time. Every bullet was spun and checked for concentricity. Each brass was weighed and they were divided into groups that were within a few grains of each other.
I think he still holds a range record where he used to shoot. There is a match named after him also, he passed away quite young.
Dennis
Since I cycle a whole lot, that’d be my choice. Distance cycling, not the sprints. Not sure how well I’d do; perhaps I could stay in the peloton and not embarrass myself. But then, I’m 62 so maybe I couldn’t even keep up with that.
If there was an Olympic event for appreciating the finest of CO2 live resins on an e-nail, I’d have that one locked down.
Other than that my luging’s not bad.
Oh - summer, you mean?
Tennis.
When my daughter was 6 and 7, she swam for a community swim team. She was pretty good, kind of a natural. She took first and second in every event she competed in.
Swim team “dues” went, in part, to the US Olympic team. A coach spoke with my daughter about beginning Olympic training. When she heard what time she would have to wake up each morning she did this :eek: and flatly turned it down.
Really, it wasn’t any different from any other rifle competition I had entered–at least, that was how I approached it. Anyway, I reasoned that if I could be relaxed, comfortable, and confident enough to shoot well on my home range or in other matches, then I could do it there too. And I did.
I may not have made the team, but I’m still pretty proud that I qualified for tryouts.
Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way…turn.