I hope nobody mentions turkey any time in the next few days. Then you might have to go get some someplace. If only it was readily available this time of year :).
Good bread easily holds up to spreading refrigerated butter.
The box in the first picture had me thinking foot for sure.
Incidentally, long-ass matches are still commonplace in my experience.
Heh. I teach high school and recently I had one class doing a lab which required them to use candles. Normally I have one of those butane grill lighters in the lab for lighting candles or burners, but on this day I couldn’t find it, so I went to my back-up stash of paper matchbooks. I handed a matchbook to one kid and she looked at me in bewilderment.
“How do I do this?”
“Do what?”
“I’ve never used a match before.”
Turns out only three students in the entire class had actually lit a match before.
“We’re in the neighborhood with Channel 7 Live Team Coverage where a rash of 27 different house fires all started on exactly the same night. All set by teens who attended the local high school and claimed that their teacher told them to do it…story at 11”
^I do worry about that after I show them how to make a rocket out of a match and a paperclip.
I do miss high school organic chem class and the daily flammability tests…Ok, I don’t miss high school, nor really organic chem…but mmmm fire.
I used a disposable lighter to launch a birthday cake last week. I know I lit a BBQ with the built-in piezoelectric ignitor as recently as 2 years ago. It’s probably been 5 or more years since I started an open fire using anything.
I own various matches and know how to use them. I can’t think of when or why I last used one, but it could easily have been a decade or two ago.
I’ve just turned 34, and I recognized them as fireplace matches.
I remember one Christmas as a kid, I was lighting the fireplace with one of the above and the head of the match broke off in mid strike. Flew across the room and landed on my father who was wearing a terry cloth bathrobe. Instantly the whole robe went up in flame. Dad had it off in about a 1/2 second and stomped it out. Made extra hilarious because dad was a bit of a prude and was now completely naked in front of the entire family.
The answer to the OP is: They’re “really long matches”. With multicolored heads. Hope that clears things up!
–JM
No, no, no. You toast the bread dry in the toaster oven, to get it properly crusty. Remove when done and add pats of refrigerated butter. Return to toaster oven, where residual heat melts the butter in a few seconds to a nicely spreadable condition.
If you put butter on BEFORE toasting, you’ll have soggy spots.
The butter stays in the fridge because of frequent high temperatures in Southern California.
Or, toast bread manually with several dozen fireplace matches 
That’s awesome Doggy, makes me laugh. As ward to a couple of sometimes completely clueless twenty-something Beardlings it sounds pretty familiar. Of course they can text at 1000 words per minute and I’m lucky to make twenty.
I think optimum buttered toast is achieved with a butterless first toasting to get butter side nicely browned and then a short second toasting to melt in the butter if it needs help.
The pop up toaster is much faster than the toaster oven for actual toasting. Next time at your friends toss some wieners in that toaster for some real dorm room quisine.
For anyone keeping score, I had toast with peanut butter this morning.
Me too. Done in a vertical toaster.
Ditto
Ital added.
Do you have this in your resume?
Also:
How to light a cigar (still photo):
http://basementrejects.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/duck-soup-1933-marx-brothers-chicolini-pinky-chico-harpo-blow-torch-cigar-lighter-review.jpg
Kids today. Don’t have to light their own fires any more. Just flip a switch.
For the “Kids” out there:
This was great commercial by Roy Rogers Restaurants:
In a Roy Rogers restaurant some teens sit together in one booth. A few old timers sit in the next booth.
Old timers chime into the teens’ conversation:
“You kids don’t know the value of a dollar. When I was growing up, we were so poor the whole neighborhood had to share one pair of shoes.”
“Shoes? we didn’t even have shoes. We had to wrap newspapers around our feet.”
“Feet? You had feet?”
I cannot find a video (please help). I almost remember where they said,“I had to walk to school, uphill, both ways.”
Oh, yes. Punctuation. I did my best.
that was my first thought too. But then, we had a fireplace, grilled all Winter, and my father smoked, so lighting something on fire happened ten times a day at our house.
Let me open up your world a little further: How To Make Grilled Cheese In A Toaster | HuffPost Life
I laughed so hard you made me snort! That’s twice today somebody did that. 
I’m remembering a thread here from a few years ago. The poster knew a girl who buttered her bread before putting it into a regular toaster (not a toaster oven), and the bottom of her toaster was filled with congealed butter. She was adamant, too, that this was the right way of making buttered toast.
THAT must have been an impressive sight when it eventually caught fire.