What on Earth did I find in my friend's shed?

[TriPolar]

@teela_brown

I’m remembering a thread here from a few years ago. The poster knew a girl who buttered her bread before putting it into a regular toaster (not a toaster oven), and the bottom of her toaster was filled with congealed butter. She was adamant, too, that this was the right way of making buttered toast.

THAT must have been an impressive sight when it eventually caught fire.

I wonder how she made French Toast.

[running_coach]

@TriPolar

I wonder how she made French Toast.

Same way. The average human tongue will fit in the slot.

[Senegoid]

@running_coach

Same way. The average human tongue will fit in the slot.

Buttered it first? :eek:

[Jesta]

@teela_brown

I’m remembering a thread here from a few years ago. The poster knew a girl who buttered her bread before putting it into a regular toaster (not a toaster oven), and the bottom of her toaster was filled with congealed butter. She was adamant, too, that this was the right way of making buttered toast.

THAT must have been an impressive sight when it eventually caught fire.

This intrigued me, so I found it… (I’m easily sidetracked!)

From first post:
" His wife had been generously buttering slices of bread BEFORE toasting. The bottom of the toaster had a mass of butter and crumbs baked into a solid mess which finallly prevented the next piece from staying down to toast."

How Do You Make Buttered Toast

[bob_2]

@szabrocki

For the “Kids” out there:

This was great commercial by Roy Rogers Restaurants:

In a Roy Rogers restaurant some teens sit together in one booth. A few old timers sit in the next booth.
Old timers chime into the teens’ conversation:
“You kids don’t know the value of a dollar. When I was growing up, we were so poor the whole neighborhood had to share one pair of shoes.”
“Shoes? we didn’t even have shoes. We had to wrap newspapers around our feet.”
“Feet? You had feet?”

I cannot find a video (please help). I almost remember where they said,“I had to walk to school, uphill, both ways.”

Oh, yes. Punctuation. I did my best.

Monty Python did it best:

Here's a translation for those who can't understand the Yorkshire accents.

Michael Palin: Ahh… Very passable, this, very passable.

Graham Chapman: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de Chassilier wine, ay Gessiah?

Terry Gilliam: You’re right there Obediah.

Eric Idle: Who’d a thought thirty years ago we’d all be sittin’ here drinking Chateau de Chassilier wine?

MP: Aye. In them days, we’d a’ been glad to have the price of a cup o’ tea.

GC: A cup ’ COLD tea.

EI: Without milk or sugar.

TG: OR tea!

MP: In a filthy, cracked cup.

EI: We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.

GC: The best WE could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

TG: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.

MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, “Money doesn’t buy you happiness.”

EI: ‘E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN’. We used to live in this tiiiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof.

GC: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING!

TG: You were lucky to have a ROOM! We used to have to live in a corridor!

MP: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin’ in a corridor! Woulda’ been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House!? Hmph.

EI: Well when I say “house” it was only a hole in the ground covered by a piece of tarpolin, but it was a house to US.

GC: We were evicted from our hole in the ground; we had to go and live in a lake!

TG: You were lucky to have a LAKE! There were a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road.

MP: Cardboard box?

TG: Aye.

MP: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o’clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, out Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!

GC: Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at three o’clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!

TG: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o’clock at night, and LICK the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.

EI: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o’clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, (pause for laughter), eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing “Hallelujah.”

MP: But you try and tell the young people today that… and they won’t believe ya’.

ALL: Nope, nope…

[tomndebb]

@gazpacho

You need something like this for butter. Put softened butter in the dome part then a little water in the cylinder part and invert the dome into the water to store. This should keep bugs out. Soft butter on golden brown toast like god intended.
Walmart | Save Money. Live better.

Now there is something that will appear in a future thread, having stumped the discoverer completely. And if they find only one piece, separated from the other, they will go crazy.
(Both the hardware store and the grocery store at which I have worked in the last few years have sold long matches.)

[Inigo_Montoya]

@Acsenray

The box made me think that it might be some kind of fireworks or sparkler …

I think I have a vague memory of a memory of being a tot (like 2-3 years old) and being confused about the sparklers in this box not working right. Wondering if the adults held some secret to making them perform that I just couldn’t work out. I certainly knew how to work matches at that age. I had a similar issue with AlkaSeltzer, which I loved. I do remember dropping some really big white pills into a glass of water and wondering why they wouldn’t fizz. Mom got to me just as I was getting ready to chug it anyway.

[Acsenray]

I saw something nasty in the woodshed. — I saw something nasty in the woodshed - YouTube

[gigi]

@DoggyDunnit

A foot?

Finders Keepers (2015) ⭐ 6.8 | Documentary

[teela_brown]

@Jesta

This intrigued me, so I found it… (I’m easily sidetracked!)

From first post:
" His wife had been generously buttering slices of bread BEFORE toasting. The bottom of the toaster had a mass of butter and crumbs baked into a solid mess which finallly prevented the next piece from staying down to toast."

How Do You Make Buttered Toast - Cafe Society - Straight Dope Message Board

“A few years ago”, I said. I was remembering a post from 2004! I’ve been here too long.

[Tangent]

Every time I see this thread title, I get disappointed all over again.

A fucking match.

[BigT]

@John_Mace

The answer to the OP is: They’re “really long matches”. With multicolored heads. Hope that clears things up!

That’s the one thing that gave me a slight pause. The fireplace matches I’ve seen all had the standard red tip. Or maybe the white tipped ones. What’s with the different colors? Do they serve a purpose (such as indicating how long the match is), or is just some odd aesthetic thing? (I say odd, because who is going to see them?)

[Zsofia]

Well for a while there when faux Colonial decor was the thing there was a lot of fireplace business going on, like open match holders and such. They could be intended to be tweely decorative.

ETA - lately since the floods there’s been way more curb trash than usual in town. When I was running the other day I saw somebody had dragged out two twin mattresses with bicentennial eagles on them. God, who do you think was stuck sleeping on those things for the past 40 years?