Near where I live and work there is a supermarket which caters to South Jersey’s Asian populace.
While I made my way to the back freezers to pick up some gyoza or shumai, I came across and older gent hawking some traditional folk herbal remedy…in chinese…until he saw this white guy walking around, and suddenly he exclaims in heavily accented english:
"AH…You sir…Buy HERBAL VIAGRA…You take this, and you
FUCK LIKE TIGER…
SIX HOURS!!!
You set the bar too high TS.
So it will cut down on my sex time? Like microwave sex?
What happened after you bought it?
Nothing out of the ordinary. I woke up, applied my “old Chinese man” makeup, and headed to work…
Nothing to match that, but at lunch today I was trying to get some BBQ sauce out of a squeeze bottle that was almost empty and it must have been clogged as it kind of splorched and what was left in the bottle ended up sprayed all over my shirt.
That wouldn’t affect me at all. I benefit from my wife’s insistance that all my clothes are barbecue colored. She figures they’re going to end up that way anyhow.
Not very outrageous, but I had to chase an egg-stealing crow out of the chicken pen. That bastard is a real line-stepper!
No thanks. I’d rather fuck like a serval for four hours.
Huh. I was going to post that I found out at work today that all the administrative people will be required to take some sort of defensive driving course, even though it’s field service people who keep having wrecks. That seems so utterly mundane now though.
I’m a substitute teacher, and I had a kid jump out the window and run to the store a block away to buy Mountain Dew for his friends.
Stopped at a light on my morning commute today and as the line of cars started moving a guy in a Maxima on a side street decided to jump through a gap in the cars to make a left turn. He failed to catch the eye of the minivan driver in front of me who t-boned him right on the drivers door. It was rather dramatic.
Damn it. All I get in our local northern NJ Asian market is good barbequed duck and fresh noodles.
I was on line, on a job hunting board, searching for employment.
The phone rang. The nice lady said, “I see you’re on line, looking for jobs. How would you like to advance your education?”
The fuckers were watching me so closely, they spammed me in real time, on the phone! That’s outrageous, innit?
(Oops; should I have put this in the Pit instead?)
I scraped old paint off my porch ceiling, and got the mother of all blisters on my thumb. Just huge, big as around as a dime, and sticking out over a quarter inch.
My video of the lancing of said blister got a lot of positive press on Facebook.
It was quite exciting - I’m proud of my blister!
Tigers have barbed penises. I would have fallen out laughing, what! Nobody wants to fuck like a tiger, not even other tigers!
Just a normal day commuting on public transit today. Crazy bitch runs onto the bus with no fare to ditch a cop chasing her. Kinda guaranteed getting caught, really.
Don’t all felines have barbed peens? Also, isn’t the deed over rather quickly?
I was at the hardware store buying something and asked if they had a metal polish, and the guy says “Aisle 9, second floor.” I’ve lived a block away for over 10 years and never knew they had a second floor! How is it in all this time not once has something been up there?
Mildly outrageous, same trip. Typically I polish metal with a paste of baking soda and vinegar, but a big project meant I’d need to buy more ingredients. Turned out pre-made polish was cheaper.
I had a flat tire on the way to work today, the day I decided to wear white pants. Sigh. Managed to get it changed with minimal grunge on said pants. Good thing, as I had no time to return home and change.
While reading, imagine that I’m a fit, good looking guy in a snappy outfit, and as such, I walk with BRAVADO… 
Rode motorcycle into work. Parked in underground garage. Took elevator up, headed outside. With helmet in one hand, used other to take sunglasses out of inner jacket pocket and put on face. Began walk to work.
Ugh. Something is wrong with my eyes.
I keep walking. I am the embodiment of cool. Pass people on sidewalk. People wish they were this cool. Check out the ladies. Wait for traffic and cross the street.
What is wrong with my eyes?! Do I need to sit down? Everything is shimmery and weird, like I have those old school red/blue 3D glasses on.
Halfway to work. Give cool-guy nod to Jack, from the office. What’s up Jack? I’m being awesome.
Seriously. Something is wrong with my eyes. I need to stop for a second.
Pull sunglasses off of face. Rub eyes. Everything okay. Attempt to return glasses to face, notice one tinted lens missing.