I’ve been invited to a Bar Mitzvah of my friend so how should I behave and what should I expect. It’s at a Conservative Jewish synagouge and I’m not Jewish myself.
Basically, it will be a Jewish worship service where the bar mitzvah boy reads from the Torah. The service is pretty much like any other. Afterward, there’ll be a party.
You can just watch. You’ll be expected to stand when the rest of the congregation stands (other than the Mourner’s Kaddush, where only mourners stand-- don’t worry, they’ll announce it), but no one will expect you to join in with the prayers or songs.
Have you been sitting on this question all week, just so you can post in on Friday night?
Leave the swastika armband and brown shirt at home. If you happen to have a toothbrush mustache, either shave it off, or allow it to grow out on the sides (if you have enough time between now and the event.)
There will be a box of yamacas, yeah I know it’s spelled wrong, at the door. If you’re comfortable wearing it, put it on as a sign of respect. I doubt you’ll catch any flack if you don’t though.
Do you mean yarmulkes ? Head caps ? If so, yeah, you spelled it wrong. You also spelled flak wrong 
“Flack” is an acceptable alternate spelling.
Not in my Conservative temple we didn’t. Reading from the Torah is a very serious thing, with problems if you make mistakes, so I said the blessing before and after the reading from the Torah. What I did read (sing, actually) was a Haftorah portion, a section from a later part of the Bible. I did Malachi. I did it in Hebrew, but I went to Reform bar mitzvahs where the boy read the English translation of the Torah.
In my temple there were roles assigned for the blessings. My father did one, as did a neighbor who was a Cohan. There was a spot for a friend who had just been bar mitzvahed, and someone who hadn’t been yet had a role in carrying the Torah to the place where it was read. (Since he couldn’t do a blessing yet.)
But Gentile visitors only have to sit and enjoy the ceremony. It was standard for our temple to have two parties - a reception right after where the entire Congregation got to eat, and the big party that evening after Sabbath was over.
Thanks for reinforcing my admission that I didn’t know how to spell yarmulkes. That added a considerable amount of information to the thread. :rolleyes:
There was a bat-mitzva in my shul just this morning. It’s an Orthodox shul, so she gave a speech, the rabbi talked about what a great and promising young person she was, and after prayers there was a big catered kiddush. No secret handshakes or anything.
ETA: I have no idea why “yarmulke” is spelled that way, It’s really weird. Don’t feel bad. If you want something easier, try the Hebrew word- “kippa”.
Lox, cream cheese, bagels. Maybe kreplach,
Tris
Here’s a potential etymology:
http://home.earthlink.net/~ddstuhlman/crc100.pdf
The author thinks it comes from the Latin “armulcella”-little cowl, basically.
Probably not kreplach. At least, I’ve never seen chicken soup served at a bar mitzva, so there probably won’t be any matza balls, either.
That would be yummy, though.
It’s spelled “yarmulke” because the word stems from the Hebrew words “yarei malka” - fear of the king. The yarmulke is worn to put the fear of God into the wearer. 
Open the book and pretend that you know what’s going on. Don’t worry. If this is like most typical Conservative synagogues, most people don’t (especially when it’s a bar mitzvah or something and people who haven’t been there for years come). When everyone else stands. Stand. When everyone else sits. Sit. Expect to do this for quite a while.
Afterwords, you tell the kid he did a great job, and head for the buffet before everyone else empties it.
The morning Shabbat service is normally two to three hours long, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, you’ll find it very tedious. Don’t bring any electrical stuff including cellphone unless you’re a doctor. Electronics are forbidden on our Sabbath unless it is important for the life of a person. That means no iPhone games to keep you occupied. Also, we don’t write on our Sabbath, so don’t bring coloring books for your kids. Sit there and take it like a man.
Our morning Shabbat service goes from 8:45am to about 11:30am. We’re a Sephardic (Asia/Middle Eastern) synagogue, so ours tends to be a bit longer because we say everything out loud. Ashkenazi (European Jews) services are usually said mostly in silence and are somewhat shorter in duration because of that.
The order of the service includes introductory prayers which are normally said silently, followed by the Shema which is usually said in unison in many Conservative synagogues. This is followed by a prayer called the Amida which is said standing silently and then repeated by the Cantor or Rabbi or maybe even the Bar Mitzvah boy if he’s really knowledgeable. Just to let you know, the Amida prayer is 5 to 7 pages long.
My suggestion is to come late. Find out when Torah reading begins, so you can skip through most of this. The true fireworks begin at the Torah reading.
During the Torah reading, the Torah is removed from the Arc, and placed upon the Bemah to be read. The Rabbi or Cantor reads it while seven people are called up to observe one at a time. After the seventh Torah portion is read, the Maftir is called up, and the last few verses are repeated. Then, the Maftir reads what is called the haftorah which is another section of the Jewish bible not from the Five Books of Moses.
The Bar Mitzvah kid is the one who is called up for Maftir, and he reads the haftorah.
At this point, speeches are given, the Rabbi says a few words (usually a few too many words) and people gush over the Bar Mitzvah kid.
After this, the Torah is put away, and the Mussaf prayer (aka “The Additional Service”) is said. Like the Amida, it is said standing in silence then repeated by the Rabbi or Cantor or maybe even the Bar Mitzvah boy. Again, it is five or seven pages long.
After this, will come a few more prayers, and then announcements, and the final prayer. Kiddish (a blessing over wine or grape juice) will sometimes be said at the very end of the service.
Again, the main show is during the Torah reading which is in the middle of the service. If you can find out when the Torah reading is and show up then, you’ll be better off than trying to keep yourself busy in a prayer service that is totally alien to you. You can probably excuse yourself after the Torah is read and go to the library and read until the service is almost over.
Personally, I am an Orthodox Jew, so I do this every week. I love the Shabbat morning service, but if you don’t know what’s going on (and there is no quick introductory course), you’ll be bored to tears. When my children were Bar Mitzvahed, we didn’t invite any of our non-Jewish friends to the service itself – just the Kiddush afterwards when the food is served. Granted, they didn’t get to see my marvelous, bright, talented kids read their haftorah or the Torah itself. They didn’t get to hear their insightful speech on the meaning of their Bar Mitzvah and why they are so thankful to my wife and I – their wonderful parents whom they owe everything to, but I value my friends way too much to make them suffer like that.
Jews.
I second this. If you attempt to sit through the entire service . . . most of it in Hebrew . . . you’ll be bored out of your skull. Ask when you should be there; they will not be insulted.
The Siddur in my Conservative temple had everything in Hebrew and English, so there is something to read at least. And our services weren’t nearly as long as qazwart’s, perhaps because we were on the Reform side of Conservative (men and women were allowed to sit together.) I don’t remember being that bored even at 13 when I went to my friends’ bar mitzvahs. (Now Rosh Hashonah services were another thing.)
The singing, both from the Cantor and the congregation, is well worth listening to. I’d check how long it lasts, and decide accordingly.
To add to this, I hear a really great gift is “Boggle”
Well, my temple was Conservative, and I read from the Torah as part of mine. In Hebrew. Basically, I just memorized the passage I was going to read (it was short).