How about Disney doing the next chapter of the Star Wars saga?
You could have Darth Vader as a cute little moppet, and a accedent prone alien filling the cute animal companion role...
Oh wait…
What about “Hunchback of Notre Dame”? Continuing the theme of pissing off the Hugo estate and everything… 
As I’ve uggested in another thread, The Call of Cthulhu. Can’t you ust see it? A cute, fluffy “squash and stretch” Cthulhu (and who would be more appropriate for “squash and stretch”?) The cute, big-eyed Shub-Niggurath, The Sheep with a Thousand Young (easily beats 101 or even 102 Dalmations). The Folks from The Shadow Over Innsmouth, done up like Ariel and Triton and Sebastian. The Terrible Old Man and his Rings in the Bottles – like Genie. Cuddly Hastur and Nyarlathotep and Pickman with his Models. The great, clumsy, oversized Dunwitch Horror (with voice by Wayne Knight). And for the big finish, a whole collection of dancing Shoggoths in Busby-Berkeley-like dance number, with music by Elton John and Tim Rice.
Next, The Call of Cthulhu II. Coming only on video.
Disney’s The Stand- Danny DeVito as the voice of the misunderstood Cap’n Trips.
Walt Disney Presents Alain Robbe-Grillet’s The Voyeur- because there aren’t enough animated movies about mental illnesses and disturbing sexual fantasies.
Mickey’s Basketball Diaries- Mickey’s experiences as an inner city youth
OR
Requium for Donald’s Dream- Donald and Goofy become druggies…
Disney’s SHOWGIRLS
'nuff said
Now you’ve done it, I keep seeing marquees in my head : a double Disney feature, Disney’s Silence of the Lambs and Disney’s Deep Throat.
Shiver !
Disneys:
Battleship Potempkin
Disney’s The Life of Buddha
I see the story of a selfish young prince [voice:Matt Damon] trapped in the castle by his protecting father [voice:Rip Torn]. Who one day at the behest of his wacky sidekick arada the crane [voice:Eddy Murphy] sneaks out of the castle where he meets the fiery peasant girl Yashodara [voice: Sarah Michelle Gellar] just before she gets kidnapped by the henchman the Evil King Mara [voice:Tony Jay] who incidentally wants to take over the Good King’s kingdom. Zany Adventures follow rescuing Yashodara and thwarting evil king’s plans, prince learns the gift of kidness ugh. The End.
The Way
Arada:
You’ve gotta meditate
upon your fate
searching for the way
on a millet grain a day
Chorus (in background, repeating):
Debate
Meditate
Contemplate
Prince:
My mind’s eye
was blind to see
but sitting under
this here fig tree
has openened all
for me
to be
so freeeeeee
Let’s see … A Clockwork Orange, Lolita, Full Metal Jacket … It think Stanley Kubrick must have been the anti-Disney. Think about it – Disney’s 2001:A Space Odyssey! The monkey friends at the beginning are pretty likable, so maybe one of them will get pulled through time so he can sneak aboard the voyage to Jupiter. HAL is the wisecracking but easily confused computer ( Nathan Lane, maybe ) who helps the crew find their way to the magical ancient monolith. But they’ve got to resolve the conflict between the agressive Callistans and the peaceful Ionians before they experience the dance number inside the monolith.
Another good one would be All Quiet On The Western Front. Only they’re English soldiers (the likable sort, not evil & nasty British types) in this one (no title change, though – too confusing). In the end, Lilly the Butterfly helps the young soldier Paul win the heart of the local French maiden. And they go on to win the war when the American soldier assigned to their unit gets mildly wounded saving everyone’s lives.
They’re actually DOING this one:
“Genie’s story” (that’s not the title). I heard Disney is planning to do a version of this. The actual story is of a girl who gets neglected something fierce. She can’t walk properly, never develops speech abilities past those of a 3-year-old, is deathly skinny, etc. The therapists who find her turn her into a science experiment, totally ignoring these magical things called ethics.
I wait in fear for how Disney will present this.
today at work I read a great book for Disney!
the 1999 Uniform Building Code manual!
wow!
how exciting! lights! music! dancing codes and sections! The I-Beams syncronized swimming!
jinkies! too exciting!
think of the cool songs, like this one:
Teddy, the Good Guy Inspector:
note that these amendments essentially replace the “emergency” amendments of Amendment Package #1 with final amendments that were affirmed by the BBRS at a required Public Hearing held within 90 days of the “emergency actions” taken by the BBRS; i.e., Amendment Package #1. Note that the Secretary of State does not “cull” emergency amendments into complete Building Codes but only “culls” in such amendments after these amendments have been affirmed and promulgated via a Public Hearing process.
catchy, no?
I remember an episode of the Muppet Babies cartoon that had a similartheme…Fozzy was the wookie and Kermit was luke Skywalker. If I remember correctly Gonzo was Vader. Very funny shit.
Anyway, I was thinking The Count of Monte Cristo could actually work. The story is basicaly harmless, and the plot is mostly driven by chance(excellent Disney fodder). Though a live-action version, with Ron Jeremy as the count, probably wouyldn’t work.
Wowie zowie!! I want to form a production company RIGHT NOW!
And for a sequel we can do OSHA Regulations!! But first, what the heck are jinkies??
It wouldn’t ? 
“Is that buried treasure in your pocket…”
“I’ve always wanted to ride in a Mercedes”
At the risk of being flogged, I mostly like the animated movies of “modern” Disney (which started in 1988 with “The Little Mermaid”), and I think the period from “The Little Mermaid” to “Aladdin” was a golden age of animation. The changes to the original story don’t bother me, as such changes are routine in chldren’s stories.
But I have my own bone to pick with Disney. Every Hong Kong movie that they’ve brought to the US on DVD has been a travesty. There are certain things you can count on from a Disney version of a Hong Kong action/martial arts movie.
-
The picture quality will be excellent and wide screen. No Hong Kong producer of DVD’s has pictures as sharp, clean, color-saturated, and free of surface marks.
-
It will get some cool new English titles.
So much for the good. Now for the bad.
-
It will be letterboxed, not anamorphic. A small gripe, I know, but if Colombia, New Line and Anchor Bay can do anamorphic with their Hong Kong releases, surely the world’s largest entertainment company can do the same.
-
The movie will be offered as a dub only with no option for a subtitled version in Cantonese.
-
The dubbing might be done by voice actors even when the original actors speak English. Jet Li speaks English; they could have him dub his own parts, as they (and New Line) do with Jackie Chan.
-
The entire soundtrack–dialog, music, and sound effects–will have been replaced. You can replace just the voice track–New Line does it–and leave the music and effects tracks in place.
-
The movie will have been edited into a shorter version for North American release. Fong Sai Yuk (The Legend) has 14 minutes cut. All of the cuts will have been plot or character development, which Disney must assume Americans don’t need.
-
The title may have been changed, even when not necessary, and usually into something generic. Look at the following list. Is the Disney title really better than the original title?
Hong Kong Title–North American Title
The Bodyguard from Bejing–The Defender
My Father is a Hero–The Enforcer
Armor of God–Operation Condor II: The Armor of God
Armor of God 2: Operation Condor–Operation Condor
Needless to say, I will not be buying the upcoming Disney release of City on Fire. What irritates me the most is that once Disney has the rights to these movies, it means that the companies who know how to do North American versions of Hong Kong movies right (Colombia Tristar, Fox Lorber, Anchor Bay) can’t do them the way they should be done.
I would much rather have the slightly inferior picture of a Megastar (very good) or Universe Laser (mediocre to good) import if I get to see the whole movie with the original music and sound, and hear the actor’s voices.
I’m thinking something like
Walt Disney Proudly Presents De Sade’s 120 Days Of Sodom
Justine would work too. I don’t think these are as good as some of the others because they can’t be visualized in the eerie way that they can. Call Of Chtulu seems like the best one yet suggested.
Lucky Charms
But is it cannibalism if a cartoon bear eats a cartoon rabbit?
Disney have already tackled bits of the bible - Samson, Noah and Moses, but how about
Disney’s Revelation of St. John the Divine
I’d buy a 12" high fluffy seven breasted whore of Babylon
Someone else suggested this in another thread, but I thought it was such a scream I wanted to mention it to:
<b>Disney’s <i>“Oedipus Rex!”</i></b>
Couldn’t you just see it? Oedipus would be voiced by, say, Ben Affleck, and Helen Mirren would be Jocasta. Get that hyper-active little chipmunk-sounding girl from <i>Party of Five</i> as Antigone, and don’t forget Robin Williams as Oedipus’ faithful sidekick the Sphinx. Like you wouldn’t pay to see it!
A long time ago, someone also suggested a Disneyfied version of <i>the Avengers</i> – the Marvel Comics, not that Uma Thurman movie, which was the closest thing to actual physical torture I have had to suffer through while watching a movie. Anyway, Disney’s <i>Avengers</i> would have cute little animated Scarlet Witch getting kidnapped by big bad Magneto, while her twin brother Quicksilver rallies the Avengers to her rescue! Feauturing such songs as “Cow Head” (for Bova), “I wanna be your walking vibrator” (Vision to Scarlet Witch), and “Incest is wrong!”, a cheerful medley to be preformed to set aside those nasty rumors about Scarlet Witch & Quicksilver’s relationship, once and for all.
Truely, don’t miss it!
Hamlet.
I wanna see them try Hamlet.
:::: laughs like a maniac :::::
Evil evil evil.
Happy nightmares to all,
Elly.