Someone should probably drive to Ann Arbor right this minute and pound the crap out of me for wasting bandwidth on this type of question, but damnit, it’s what my life has become. These are the things I lie awake nights thinking about.
I bought a labelmaker in May and I’m still on my first roll of label tape. I’m clearly not fulfilling this machine’s destiny. I’m made a few file folder labels, and I’ve made stickies with important phone numbers to be posted. But otherwise, I’m label-deficient.
So. Got a label maker? What have you labeled? What should I label? Do you want me to make some labels for you? Why do you deserve said labels?
P.S. The body parts joke is the easy gag, but if you wanna go for it, I’ll try not to think the less of you.
See, now why didn’t I think of that? I really am not qualified to have this thing. I lack the creativity. I should White Elephant the thing. Only once it has my name on it via the new label I’m gonna print…well, I’ll have to keep it.
I had a rather, um… strange roommate in college. We had been friends since fourth-grade. You think you know a guy. Although he didn’t have a proper label maker, he did have some laser-printer labels and a pen. I woke up one morning to find that he had labeled almost everything in the common areas.
The ceiling fan had a label: “Fan-O-Ceiling”
The microwave oven was labeled: “Micro-O-Wave”
The TV: “Tele-O-Vision”
The door to my bedroom: “Door-O-James”
“Refrig-O-Rator”
There were literally dozens of labels stuck on the various and sundry items in the house.
I kept a wary eye on him throughout the rest of the time he lived there.
I think you should label all those homerseckshuals. Just go round a stick a label on each one. They should say “Hi! I am gay!”
Rebel against that “don’t label people” PC rubbish. Label yourself. “Hi! I’m a white mom!” Label all the people in the office according to their defining characteristics. “Hi! I’m the one everyone in the office avoids!”, “Hi! I collect plush toys!”, “Hi! I talk about my car too much!”
The idea of labeling rubbermaid containers in the fridge or freezer is great. But, you have to put the date that you put them in the freezer as well. If you already labeled them, go label them again. Everyone will appreciate your devotion to clarity and food freshness.
I would go up in the attic and label all the old boxes sitting around, so it’s easier to know what’s in them. Don’t forget to label all your office supplies. Even your home ones!
Whatever you do, do NOT put a “Property of CrankyAsAnOldMan” label on a radio and throw it down the well and make people believe that a little boy has fallen in when in fact it is just you broadcasting over a microphone.
I like the spices idea. Ours are in horizontal slots at the back of the cabinet and I have to pull each out and check the side just to see what they are. Labels on the top would solve that tiresome task. Course, I only have salt and pepper so it doesn’t take that long.
You could label the keys on your keyboard and teach yourself Braille.
Print out a bunch of random words, including articles, suffixes, prefixes, etc. Put them on magnets and make yourself one of those magnetic poetry sets.
Go to Borders’ and offer to label all their shelves.
Make a bunch of “For a Good Time, Call…” labels. Easier to clean than magic marker.
Feed it to the goat.
Drive around the country, leaving labels that say “Only ------ miles to Ann Arbor, MI.”
Sneak into Hello Again’s office and leave “Craft Fair” labels everywhere.
Mummify your boss. Make sure one label says “Do not unwrap: undead Egyptian mummy inside.”
Make a bunch of “Hi, my name is _____” labels. Use them on everything except the people in your office.
