I don’t think I’ve ever had an actual “talk” of any length. Pretty much I comment on what she’s exposed to via media/acquaintences/family.
I talk about the issues around product safety and long term effect. Because, outside of what any particular drug is designed to do, there’s the whole issue of quality and consistent production with a substance that is not monitored by any licensed agency. Since I’m in the health care field my daughter is used to me commenting on various legal drugs which turn out to have adverse effects. I point out the increased risks with street drugs. Also, I tell her that (truely) I believe that many of the chemical (lab) drugs may be causing brain damage that is not immediately obvious. And, at the least, there will always be a few people who ‘win the lottery’ and have an immediate, serious, adverse effect - including death. I try to draw parallels with environmental damage and food recalls since those issues come from alternate sources (not a parent).
I’m also honest about my feelings towards MJ - no different than alcohol except it’s illegal and, if you run foul of the law on this issue, can screw up opportunities in school & jobs.
As far as alcohol I tell her that it can relax you, but in excess can interfere with decision making (like any mood altering drug). I tend to emphasize that her responsibility doesn’t end once she’s not thinking clearly - if she takes the first drink then she’s on the hook for the whole experience. I’ve used the expression “ratches up the stupid” more than once.
My husband & I were pretty wild at young ages. Not together - we met in our thirties. But really, we were both lucky to make it to a sane, nonaddicted adulthood. Enough skeletons in our combined closets to make us a bit paranoid about kid safety and potentials for trouble. Strangely enough, my daughter is very straight so far. May not last but it might be a case of the wildness skipping a generation.
Edited to add: I tell her that a lot of people take drugs because, for a lot of people, they’re fun. At first. But the thing about addiction is that by the time you’re aware that you will have that problem, you’ve got it.
Yes. Make sure that you tell them that drugs can feel good. If you don’t, the minute they take a hit and feel good, they will dismiss everything else you told them. Add to that the information about addiction, etc., but be 100% honest about all of it.
I have told my 15 year old that a little pot is okay, and generally less dangerous than liquor, but also that responsible use equals waiting until after high school. For all drugs.
And - I’m sure your child knows far more than you think. Make sure you’re talking about it, asking his opinion, exchanging information and looking for information together, instead of just a lecture or a “talk”.
Another thing to add would be pointing out that different drugs (including alcohol) affect different people in different ways. Some people become mean drunks, other people fall asleep, some people become hyperactive, etc.
That just because your friend really gets off on alcohol/pot/acid doesn’t mean that you will have the same experience, and you should not feel pressured to do something just because your friends like it.
If you try something, and you don’t like how it makes you feel, then mentally mark it as something that doesn’t work for you and it makes it easier to never do it again. Likewise, before trying something, ask the offering friend how it makes them feel. You may not want to experience those feelings for whatever reason.
(I’ve been offered acid a couple of times in my life, all in very dark times. I asked the people about what they experienced, and decided that the time was not right for me to try it.)
I don’t think this argument would dissuade kids from using alcohol. Most of their friends talk about as if it is something very fun to do, they see them laughing and having a good time. The pressure to use alcohol isn’t coming from their friends; it is coming from within, the curiosity to try something that looks like fun.
IANAParent, so this is probably less than stellar advice. But this is what I told my niece and nephew.
Whenever you are about to try a new drug for the first time, take only *half *what you are offered, then wait. See how it effects you. You can’t un-do it if you do the whole thing, so if you insist on trying it, try just a little bit at a time. This is how you find out what your limits are. If the half didn’t really get you there after about 45 minutes, then go ahead and try the other half.
Don’t buy or sell drugs from/to someone you don’t know.
Never set your drink down at a party and come back to it later and try to drink it. Get a fresh one. My mother gave me this advice and mine is not so you can avoid being dosed with Roofies in your drink. It’s so you don’t make the horrible mistake of taking a drink out of a beer that some smoker used as an ashtry. You’ll only make that mistake once and everything you eat or drink for the next 24 hours will taste like cigarette ash. Bleargh.
Other than a bartender in a bar, whom you pay/tip to make your drinks, always make your own drinks. Don’t let a random dude bring you a drink unless he brings you an unopened can or bottle.
Always party with the buddy system. You don’t have to have the same buddy you started out with, but it is your responsibility to watch your friends’ backs and make sure they still have a buddy at the end of the night, even if it’s still not you. Don’t allow anyone to walk home alone and if you’re a girl, don’t go to clubs or parties alone. Always bring a friend and never ditch your friend to go hookup, without first ensuring that your friend is safe and has a buddy. You may ask your buddy to run interference in the event that someone you don’t like wants to hook up with you. Buddy system.
If you find yourself stuck somewhere without a ride, CALL ME. I won’t ask questions and you won’t be in trouble right then. I will pick you up anywhere, anytime. We will deal with the issue of being in trouble tomorrow.
That’s probably not the kind of advice you were looking for. My mom didn’t pretend we weren’t going to experiment and party. She did want to make sure we kept ourselves as safe as possible.
Man this is hard. Every parent knows it, and knows there’s no simple answer. First off, as so many say, give them all the information. Ignorance is the enemy here. And it has to be right. If they find you have mislead them about the subject, they may not believe anything else you tell them. For this reason you have to avoid horror stories. They know other kids who do drugs and haven’t ruined their lives, so trying to scare kids away from drugs will be counter-productive.
I think the hard part is giving them the whole picture. What casual drug use is about. What happens to people to use drugs to deal with problems instead of enjoyment/experimentation. What happens to people who become habitual drug users, over-consume, the spread of disease, vulnerability to assault, legal consequences, and the list goes on. Educating even adults about this can be difficult, takes times, and there is an abundance of misinformation to overcome.
Overall, I don’t have a solution. I think setting good examples as parents works best. It’s not that parents have to be perfect, but kids can see their parents drink alcohol without problems, and be taught about moderation and responsibility. It’s tougher with drugs because they are illegal, and most of them more dangerous than alchohol, but the lesson of responsibility still has to be there.
When one of my sons was in college and taking advantage of the ready availability of alcohol, weed, and I don’t know what else, I turned to an anecdote a friend provided from his youth. His father had told him he could go out and play with the boys at night if he wanted, but he had to wake up each morning and go to work with the men. I told my son the responsibility for his grades and working his part-time job was his. If he wanted to party he had to make sure the important things were taken care of. It seemed to work. But I wouldn’t say it was as simple as that.