A woman I know is trying to keep custody of her grandson, some background:
Her daughter the mother refuses to do anything, she will not assist in anyway money or otherwise. She would qualify for state assistance but won’t period.
She even refuses to speak to child welfare about her son.
The father also wants nothing to do with the child, he actually had custody just because he had the child forced on him by his mother. He secretly behind her back dumped the kid in poor physical shape with the maternal grandmother who has had him since for several years.
Ok the grandmother had a family member call 911 claiming she was talking about suicide, she was involuntarily committed and released. The police notified child welfare and they said she could never be alone with her grandson, so she claims her own teenage son is the primary caregiver(which is of course a lie) and child welfare is now threatening to remove the child to foster care because they cannot talk with his mother and establish who actually has legal custody.
My advice was for her to attempt to get legal custody or guardianship through the courts, she says this is too hard and expensive. I told her she will have to do something eventually but she said she will just homeschool him.
How old is the child and how good is her documentation with regards to parental abandonment and her care etc? Was she actually suicidal? Why else would a family member make such a claim? Are they contesting her custody?
He is four years old now and she has had him since he was almost two I think.
She has no documentation, the father had custody and just came to her door and left the child. She took him to a pediatrician and he was malnourished and had some sores from lack of vitamins, so she does have that I guess.
The one making the claim was her teenage son, she was threatening to kick him out and he called on her. She claims she wasn’t but who knows really.
No one is contesting custody, the mother and father don’t want the child. The mother refuses to co-operate though, and she says she will fight any attempt to take her parental rights away even though she doesn’t want the child. The father’s mother already got the child once, but then the father behind his mother’s back brought the child back to the woman.
Holy shit, let the poor kid go to foster care, then maybe he’ll have a chance at getting adopted by a family who actually wants him.
This makes absolutely no fucking sense. Obviously the “mother” is mentally unfit and should have her right to the child forcibly removed.
The grandmother should contact the Children’s Aid, or Child Protective Services, or whatever it is in her country, and declare the kid to be abandoned. Because that’s what both his parents did to him.
Am I crazy in feeling that if the Gma thinks doing anything to establish her legal right to custody is “too much trouble” then she really doesn’t want it at all? In many states in the US, a grandparent has no inherent right to custody of a grandchild, and no more right to adopt a child whose parents have lost their parental rights, than a total stranger.
So, she can move to terminate the parents rights, but considering she is already adjudged a danger to the child, her chance of becoming legal guardian, already slim, is further reduced. Add in her harebrained and obvious lies, and the chances fall to nearly zero. She needs legal advice and lots of it, but if she would rather do nothing, it’s up to her.
Okay, I don’t understand. How is the grandmother “trying to keep legal custody”? She is neither trying, nor is her “custody” legal. If going through the court system properly is too much trouble, then she clearly has no interest in making an effort to keep this child. Further, if the child’s mother says she will fight any attempt to remove her parental rights, how is she doing that exactly, if nobody from social services is able to get in touch with her and she won’t even have a conversation with anyone about it, nor even apply for assistance for the child? Finally, how is it acceptable to any government agency that a minor (teenager) is the primary caregiver for this child? “Oh, the 15-year-old is in charge? Well, that’s okay then. Carry on!”
This doesn’t make any sense.
The only thing that makes sense to me is the poor kid is obviously not wanted by anyone and might as well just go into the state foster system. And if the kid is over about 2 years old, nobody will want him from there, either.
She wants to keep the child without going through the legal system, like she had been doing before child services got brought in. They aren’t buying the bullshit anymore, hence the threat to take the boy unless they can get in contact with his mother. I think she told them the mother was going to come get the child or something. She was told she cannot be alone with the child and for whatever reason they bought the idea her son is always there 24/7.
I think she may have talked to someone like a lawyer who made her feel like this is hopeless, her getting legal custody through the courts I mean. So she has developed the idea she is going to do it off the grid and she is getting nervous now that it is crumbling. I’ve told this is the only way out, that I can see. She is also afraid if she does this the father’s mother will once again force her son to take the child(the two grandmothers have a fight going for some reason).
I told she should have been doing something about this long before the suicide incident but she just goes back to the hopelessly expensive thing.
Her daughter the mother is using this to hurt her, the I won’t lift a finger to help but if you try anything you lose the kid routine. It is just manipulation, they have been fighting for years.
Here’s the problem with this off-the-grid custody transfer. I have a friend who lost her job, car, and apartment and had no choice but to send her three kids to live with her mom until she got her shit back together. The mom asked her to sign over custody, which my friend did, because the mom was unable to enroll the kids in school. And, if something horrible happened, and the kid ended up in the emergency room, aside from lifesaving treatment, nobody’s going to touch that kid without parent or guardian permission. So if your sister’s kid gets hit by a car or something, Mama better damn well be track-downable or the kid is screwed. Which is, I imagine, why your mom wants to homeschool the kid. What happens if this child develops some horrible disease or is involved in an industrial accident or something? Are any of these people adults capable of planning ahead for the child’s best interests? (Rhetorical question; obviously not.)
I’m sorry your sister is using her kid as a tool in her little control game. I’m really sorry for her kid. Wish I had something better for ya.
The time to deal with custody was when the kid was dropped on her doorstep not now.
She’s probably screwed. She may be able to continue access once the child is adopted, though.
(As in visits, not custody.)
Up here, extended family is considered first when a child is removed or surrendered. However, given the ‘suicide attempt’ (whether it is valid or not) it is going to be difficult for her to keep him.
And the time to deal with the false suicide report was then, and not after she’s been barred from being alone with her grandchild. I don’t know what she’d have to do to get that expunged from her record, but if she doesn’t, it may be used against her in other ways, later.
