WHAT sort of delivery vehicle?

Today I saw a commercial delivery van that made me pause in wonderment at the strange worlds that must lie beyond my mundane routine.

It had the company name, a descriptive phrase, and phone number, and featured eye-catching color illustration on both sides of the van. Clearly it was a dedicated delivery vehicle for this purpose.

The <name of firm> Cheerleader Patch Delivery Team.

I goggled.

I’m not from the Cheerleader culture, although I have seen their artifacts in museums and on the walls of TGI Fridays. But I wonder if there’s enough business to support this service . Do you suppose that somewhere a cheer squad is fretfully waiting for new badges to sew onto their uniforms, and finally the coach snaps, and flips open razor-thin pink cell phone, and snarls, “Screw UPS! I’m calling for delivery.”

Suddenly the Cheerleader Patch Delivery Team swings into action!

I mean, honestly, wouldn’t these things usually be shipped? WHat’s the emergency?

And then it hit me.

Perhaps I am misinterpreting the term “Cheerleader Patch”. Maybe this service is for adult men – men of means, able to afford premium service – who are having just a little trouble kicking the Cheerleader habit, and just need something to tide them over until kickoff time?

Sailboat

Is sports betting legal in your state? Perhaps they are a mobile bookie operation. I can almost see the logo: Cheerleader Patch: We’ll Cover The Spread…

I googled.

Didn’t find a thing of interest, though. Unless you count the porn.

Cheerleader patch? This is clearly a service that delivers factory-approved software upgrades.

Or pom-pom replacements.

Merkin delivery service.