I’ve been thinking about special powers. And ones that I want. So what do you all want? What special power do you wish you had? It can be anything…from a superhero power (example: the ability to shoot spiderweb from your wrists like spiderman) to psychic powers (example: telekinesis) to anything. If you have a good reason for wanting it, you can explain if you like.
I call dibs on Omnipotent Slapping Power!
What is Omnipotent Slapping Power, and why do I want it? Omnipotent Slapping Power is the ability to wap people in the back of the head or across the cheek for doing something stupid. Let’s say Person A is driving down the road. Person B cuts Person A off, almost crushing his bumper, no turn signal, no warning. Person B would be subject to an omnipotent slap. Person B would feel a sharp sudden stinging slap across the face or would feel a thwap across the back of their head. No one physically touches them; they just feel the pain.
Now, why do I deserve the rights to Omnipotent Slapping Power? Well, I would be responsible with it. I recognize the fact that I am not only capable of doing stupid things, but in fact, do stupid things pretty often. I would use Omnipotent Slapping Power on myself as well as others. And it’s my idea. Thbpbpbpbpbtt. (Thwaps self across back of head for being rude and sticking tongue out and probably getting spit on some unsuspecting doper) The face for Omnipotent Slapping Power in use would be as follows: :smack: :wally with little waves around the thwap showing it is omnipotent (and the arm wouldn’t be attached to the smiley).
#1- The ability to make myself, and the things that I’m in direct contact with, invisible, while still maintaining my own ‘visual based’ abilities, (ie: light still reacts to my retina’s as if my eyes and such were regular). invisibility would be awesome, and not just for hanging out in the girls locker room…
#2- Electrokenesis. The ability to create, minipulate, and otherwise deal with electricity. So so cool…
I would only use my powers for selfish/evil purposes. I’d be “Jedi Mind-Tricking” my wife into constant sex, and she’s got our baby to take care of. I’ll stick with the powers I’ve already got:
Healing Appliances by a Laying on of the Hands, and
The power to transform an un-bathed, crying three-month-old into a fresh-smelling, happy, fully-swaddled baby.
Telekinesis would be cool, but I’d need a really good dose of it. How much would it suck if the most impressive thing you could do was bend spoons? No, I’d want it strong enough to push distant planets out of their orbits. Not that I ever would.
I’m big on the telekinesis line as well lately. Not only do you get the ability of flight, but you can annoy friends and co-workers by knocking things off their desks, closign books, or releasing the little elevation bar on their chairs. Of course, the real reason I want it is so I can toss those slow moving mother fuckers in the fast lane out of my way while driving down the highway. It’s while making my daily commutes I realize why God will never give me super powers.
Immortality would be pretty cool too. I’ve got that whole “Not quite sure what happens after death so I’m in no rush to find out” complex going, so it’d be nice to avoid that. And there’s just so much in this world I want to learn and experience, that I feel being limited to a short amount of time means I have to work my ass off just to do little things (you know, like eat, have a place to live, that sort of thing). With immortality, I could just wander around the world, save up my dollars here and there, travel, see so much, and when I finally get bored, take my stash that I’ve gathered over the many generations of wandering around, buy a nice cozy house and all the books, music, and movies I want and just take all that in…then repeat. Of course, I’m a big people person, so the dealing with friends dying and the like would suck big time, so that’s the big key drawback for me. Losing everyone I hold dear to me and being stuck alone for eternity is my idea of hell and my worste fear…so maybe it’s not such a good power afterall.
The pervert in me voted for X-Ray vision. The lazy pervert in me over-ruled it with the ability to stop time. Sometimes i need a nap after i shake hands with the unemployed if ya know what I mean.
Gotta go with flight. Mind you, there would have to be a certain speed element involved. It might be relaxing to drift along at walking speed, but wouldn’t be much use for those impromptu dinner dates in Paris.
Flight would be really, really cool, for obvious reasons.
Having beams of some sort would be really, really cool - eye beams, being able to shoot beams from my hands, something like that. What would the beams do? Hell if I know, but I think beaming them would be fun!
On the practical side, what comes to mind is:
Security - I would be SecurityMan (da da da DAHHHH!!!) and would be able to render anything I wanted to safe and secure (with no “it’ll come back to bite you/there’s a price to pay” consequences). So right now, I am paranoid about money and whether I’ll be able to pay for my kids’ education - well, as SecurityMan, that would not be an issue - one wave of my hand and all financial worries would be over. Could I extend it to world peace? Not sure, but willing to try…
Oh, and the prehensile penis would be interesting, but personally, I think I’d pass…something sexual would be cool, but only in a short term “gee whiz” sort of way…as opposed to beams and flight, which of course would be appealing for far longer…
Greedy- Super sports & lotto picking power! With cash I can make most other problems disappear. Ala Back to the Future 2, I guess.
Evil- “Crap their pants” power. I suggest not cutting me off in traffic.
Cut off the Simpsons for the State of the Union Address-- that’s a pant’s crappin’ (on national TV no less). “My fellow American’s-- Oh God I crapped my pants!!” Man would I abuse this power. . . .
Greedy- Super sports & lotto picking power! With cash I can make most other problems disappear. Ala Back to the Future 2, I guess.
Evil- “Crap their pants” power. I suggest not cutting me off in traffic.
Cut off the Simpsons for the State of the Union Address-- that’s a pant’s crappin’ (on national TV no less). “My fellow American’s-- Oh God I crapped my pants!!” Man would I abuse this power. . . .
I love that! Combined with Omnipotent Slapping Power, it would be totally evil.
Example:
Broadcaster: “We interrupt all programming this evening to bring you the “State of the Union” address. And now, here’s our President.”
President: “My Fellow Americans”–big thwapping sound followed by sound of explosive diarrhea “Owww, my head hurts and OH GOD I SH*T MY PANTS!”
Broadcaster: “We interrupt this broadcast of the “State of the Union” Address to bring you our regularly scheduled programming. We feel that no one should have to watch the president crawl all over the floor, with a possible concussion and poopy pants.”
being able to learn any language in a few minutes simply by listening to other people speak it. A limited form of mind-reading might be involved.
And I’ll add another vote for fast personal flight, but I’ll add the ability to survive vacuum indefinitely. That way I wouldn’t have to worry about the edge of the atmosphere either; just aim at the moon and go…
I want the power of Absolute Success In All Things.
Let me clarify that a bit. I’m not looking for a Midas Touch kind of thing where I could never fail at anything. What would be the fun in that? My power would be more about drive and ambition and energy and tenacity and self-control than luck and magic. Since I believe that humans are capable of literally anything they can imagine, even some of the more crazy sounding things some of you have posted, then someone with the drive and self-discipline could have or do the things you mentioned.
Either that, or Magneto’s powers. He kicks some serious ass.
