I said nothing of the kind. What I meant was that if I the kid is someone I see on a regular basis and odd bruises keep turning up I’d ask about them.
Not for a single bruise, no. If there were multiple signs that something was wrong, as in welby’s post to which I had helpfully linked, you bet I would say something. Do you also consider him to be a busybody or did you not bother to click the link?
You know, there are people who would automatically take your son’s clamming up to also be evidence that something’s wrong.
Jeff – that welby post does not hold a whole lot of credibility in my book. It is highly emotional and one-sided, and, as I suspect with many Pit OP’s, probably either made up altogether, grotesquely exaggerated, or plagiarized from some other source (I doubt the latter is the case here; the writing is too bad.)
No one ever said I taught my son to “clam up”. I just taught him not to share personal family business with teachers and such. That is shrewd thinking, nothing more. Most sane people I know do the same thing. To this day (he’s a senior in HS), they tell me how articulate he is, the funny stories he tells, and how he is generally a wide-open chatter box. When he was young, I merely taught him not to say anything that could be taken out of context. And, after he turned 18, legally an adult, we both automatically relaxed these precautions. I actually encourage him now to talk to school personnel he likes and trusts about anything that might be on his mind.
And, let’s say a kid “clams up”: Maybe he’s just shy, or not much of a chatterbox, or he can’t think of anything particular to say, or he feels uncomfortable with being grilled… no – can’t be – that would be too anitclimatic. Let’s just be on the safe side and assume he “clams up” because he must be covering up for something horrendous going on in his home, and let’s descend the National Guard helicopters on the stunned parents, just in case. Better safe than sorry.
So now it’s acceptable to suspect a kid’s parents of God knows what just because the kid doesn’t talk much about his home life? And I suppose this is a basis for having the family investigated? God help us all.
I am giving you the benefit of the doubt, however. Your suggestion that a kid who “clams up” could arouse suspicions was made in a neutral way, and that fact has not escaped my attention. You did not actually say that you were in favor of it, so I will withhold judgment here.
Should I or should I not have reported a child with welts all over his back who said his mother had locked him out of the house?
Do you honestly believe that a four year old boy would make up a story like that? Or does my true story not fit into your world view so you chose to ignore it?
The reason why I mentioned that I’m a mother is this: mothers are hard-wired to notice infants and children. We can’t help it. Similarly, men are hard-wired to notice attractive women. They can’t help it. Both ensure perpetuation of the species.
Somehow Suspenderzz has this confused with busybodying.
What’s wrong with what CrankyAsAnOldMan said??
Somehow you seem so unwary of people that you doubt that this good will attitude is reality.
Suspenderzzz…
Hmmm. All those years as a teacher, I assigned all those Probing Essay questions, and MORE, oh yeah. I was looking for…the DIRT! That’s right! Some folks may have thought I was giving students an opportunity for self-expression, a chance to practice writing skills, maybe an easy, self-directed topic for a quick essay that didn’t involve using a research library…when in fact, I was hoping for some good juicy DIRT on someone. Maybe little Joey would talk about Daddy’s girlfriend or boyfriend! Maybe Michelle’s big sister is pregnant, and the baby’s gonna be a different color! Whooo!
Let me enlighten you, sweetpea: There is no competent teacher anywhere who relies on those Probing Essay questions to establish, enhance, or confirm an allegation of abuse. Teachers are WAY ahead of you here. All it takes is a keen eye, an intelligent sense of observation, and a willingness to pay attention to those nonverbal cues that no one, not even you in all your paranoid glory, can make your kid hide.
As far as kids being removed will-nilly from loving homes, you know…my experience was always just the opposite. I reported quite a few cases of clear-cut abuse–burns, broken bones, huge hand-shaped bruises, etc–and in the vast majority of cases, there was NO REMOVAL of the child from the home. NONE. Does it happen? I’m sure that it does, and have seen documented (not in my personal experience, again) cases of such. But I’d bet that the numbers of kids left in abusive homes far, far outweighs the number of kids removed from non-abusive homes.
I’m glad your son turned out perfect. Too bad not all kids have such great parents, and too bad you can’t quite deal with the reality that some kids NEED intervention, and if other adults don’t involve themselves, those kids are going to end up in very bad circumstances indeed. If I’m going to screw up–and make no mistake, I’m sure that I will screw up on occasion–I’d prefer it be on the side of over-reporting than under-reporting.
