What superheroes COULDN'T defeat a...Polar Bear?

Cafe Society
#1

Many of you know about the abortive “Superman Lives/Reborn” film of a few years back, which was somewhat infamous for the “reimaginings” planned by would-be producers Tim Burton and Jon Peters. Among other things, Superman would have gotten a gay robot sidekick and had a big fight scene with a Polar Bear.

Yeah.

Now, while I was chewing caffene pills like candy one night to stave off the inevitable nightmares after hearing that, I was left wondering…really, are there ANY superheroes who COULDN’T defeat a Polar Bear?

Assuming the fight is on the bear’s home turf, the Canadian arctic. Good weather, middle of the arctic summer day.

Whatever hero chosen is fighting on his or her own. He/she gets all their powers, and whatever equipment they normally carry with them. But no vehicles, no air support, no other heroes or sidekicks helping them. No running or flying to another part of the planet to get a weapon or a gadget to use against the bear. It’s Mano a Mano.

The objective of each opponent is to defeat the other. (For the bear’s part, read “defeat” as “kill and devour”) Fleeing, hiding from, or simply being invulnerable to the bear’s attack counts as a stalemate.

And it’s a regular Polar Bear. It’s not a mutant, or radioactive, or superintelligent, or starving. It’s a normal, 1300 lb male.

So, I ask you, in the supermatchup of the century…

Who…will…LOSE?

#2

Cypher from the New Mutants.
Matter-Eater Lad from the Legion.

#3

Batman…if he’s not prepared

#4

I’m thinkin’ Gnort wouldn’t be able to do it.

#5

I wouldn’t give White Feather or Merry Man much of a chance:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferior_Five

From Legion of Substitute Heroes
I wouldn’t give a snoball’s chance to

Color Kid
Stone Boy
Antennae Lad
or Double Header

If you’re talking in general, I think Green Hornet wouldn’t have much of a shot.

Over in Marvel Land, much as I like him, I think Daredevil wouldn’t be much more than a snack – If the bear could catch him.

I’d give Reed Richards an even shot, but I still think the bear would win.

If we resurrect Jericho (back to DC) the bear would just kill him again

Well, that’s all I’ve got.

I know there are more.

#6

Actually, if he could bite it often enough, ol’ ME Lad might drive it off. Might. You think about it, he’s one of the best equipped to survive in a hostile wilderness.

I’ll pick Oracle. Meals on wheels!

#7

: Pelts with rotten fruit :

#8

Stone Boy would survive. Later iterations of him might even be able to move while stone.

Daredevil is as strong as Spider-Man, and has reflexes that nearly match. People forget that.

#9

Daredevil has lots of neat skills and senses, but not super-strength.

The Heckler would be bear food.

#10

Are we talking out on the tundra, or in the streets of Gotham City?

Tundra = bear wins, leaving bits of yellow cape on the bloody ice.

Gotham City - Robin swings away on a bat rope and drops a bat net on the lost bear.

#11

Robin the Dead Wonder would be defeated instantly.

I’m referring to Jason Todd, of course. In my mind, he’s still dead.

#12

Considering that most polar bears have yellowish fur, i’d say the Green Lantern’s pretty much bear chow.

#13

I was about to ask if there was a Green Lantern whose weakness was white, cold, snow, fur or bears, but you’re right.

#14

Only if you’re talking about G’Nort or the early Kyle (who were pretty much at the same intellectual level, IMO). Alan Scott, Hal Jordan or John Stewart would still emerge triumphant.

#15

But he has the potential to be a really good Red Hood…

Dazzler of the X-Men. Jubilee might be able to throw her firework-type electric discharge thingummies at it, but Dazzler’s toast.

#16

If it’s during the Winter months (when it’s always dark in the Arctic/Antarctic), Harvey Birdman would get his ass thoroughly mauled and eaten by a Polar Bear. Ha Ha! Fox Special…

Unless Peanut or BirdGirl were there to save him, that is… :smiley:

#17

I disagree. She normally carries a fair charge of power with her, and any noises the bear makes will give her more power. One good laser shot and the bear is a goner.

Taking from X-Factor, Rahne and the current powerless Ricter wouldn’t be able to do much. The late Synch from Generation X would go down fast without another super around to synch with.

#18

The Flash. What’s he going to do, outrun it? Vibrate his body at an annoying frequency?

Elongated Man. So he stectches himself around the bear and then …

The Atom. I guess if he made himself small, got inside the bear, and then started ripping up neurons?

#19

Ambush bug

#20

And when is Batman ever unprepared? I totally see Batman just whipping out the Bat Bear-Repellent… :wink: