What the heck have you been eating? (TMI)

I was asleep. Perfectly content in a dream, set in the original Star Trek series, in which Spock was being psychoanalyzed to find out what his musical instrument symbolized to him.

And then…

I woke to the most godawful smell.

I mean rotten-egg, foul-garbage, disintegrating-animal-corpse, sewage-processing-plant, gastrointestinal-distress stench.

And my German Shepherd, sitting next to the bed, looking deeply, soulfully ashamed.

Even my pit bull was looking at him in shocked disbelief.

So, the room is currently airing out, with the help of a fan and some open windows and some incense. Yes, I checked to see if there was a, ahem, more substantial deposit. But there is only that lingering, cloying smell, like the radiation after a nuclear blast. And so, I sit at my computer, haunting the boards in the hours before dawn, cast out of my comfy bed, perhaps never to sleep again without fear.

But, hey, the boards sure are fast this time of night.

Try sleeping in the same room with a rottweiler sometime. I swear, you’d believe those things were a few weeks dead from some of the scents you get after they’ve eaten… :frowning:

I sympathize, MrVisible. My oldest dog Grizzly produces gas of near-lethal quality. It’s so bad that I have to leave the fart fan (ceiling fan) cranking in whatever room he’s plopped his creaky old bones in. He doesn’t get table scraps, just quality dog food, and I even mix in some powder stuff that allegedly helps prevent gas. I shudder to think what would happen if I didn’t give it to him.

If I didn’t know better, I’d think his diet consisted solely of shit, beans, cabbage, and dead squirrels.

I’m certain he farts like this on purpose. It’s probably his revenge for getting his balls cut off. Every time I see his tail wagging, I know what he’s up to - he’s spreading the joy. poof wag wag wag

He’s like some sort of flatulent percolator, with a time-release shutter on his asshole. Pffffft… Pffffft… Pfffffffffffffffffffft…

It’s bad. You know that film that collects on people’s walls when they smoke a lot? Well, I don’t smoke.
The paint is peeling all through the house.
The cats mail-ordered tiny little gas masks for themselves.
The other dog has a t-shirt that says “It wasn’t me, I swear!”
I used to have a canary in the house, but it died.
It’s bad, I tell ya.

Sigh. Maybe I can hook him up to intravenous Beano.

Dire Wolf - BWAAAHAHAHAHAHA! That was too funny!

Back to the topic, though. My cat is awful! Mostly because she is extremely inconsiderate. She likes to get all lovely, lay down on my chest with her back to me, and then let go. AAAUUUGGGHHHH!!! And then she has the audacity to look offended when I push her off me and run to the other room. As if it weren’t her that dropped a stink bomb on me.