In the words of Jerry Seinfeld: "Have you seen this, people?! I mean, have you seen this?!
These two weirdos have some kind of broadcast that simply defies easy description. The opening montage is quick cuts of them looking Serious, talking Seriously into a phone, and looking at pieces of paper with other Serious people and nodding very Seriously. Meanwhile, a voiceover says “News from around the world, etc.etc.”
This would lead a normal person to think this broadcast was something like “60 Minutes.” But then Rexella has to open her mouth. Far from providing “news from aorund the world,” we instead get “We are so glad to get such nice letters from all our Christian friends! Jack and I love opening them so much! Mrs. Schlomoe from Pigs Knuckle, Arkansas, says Blah blah blah.” She usually rambles for a while before Big Jack takes over. Then things really take off. It’s too horrible to contemplate.
Let me be very clear about one thing: these two freaks don’t offend me because they are Christian. They offend me because they pretend to be journalists!
Plus, doesn’t “Rexella Van Impe” (rhymes with gimpy) sound like the most ridiculous name imaginable?!
Hey, Van Impe, here’s a tip. It takes more than a TV broadcast to make you a journalist. And hardly anyone who you’re trying to convert will actually sit through your surreal musings or the unbelievable ramblings of your dingbat wife! Aaargh!
Good heavens! They have a web site?! And of course the banner on the front page reads: The Bible Prophecy Portal of the Internet." A section called “Prophecy movies”? A link to another site that gives “Christian” ratings to movies and says that movies as diverse as “Zoolander,” “Hardball,” and “The One” are all morally objectionable?
Even though I usually miss them, I try to remember to catch them at midnight Sunday, or whenever it is they’re broadcast in Fargo.
The rapture is nigh, I must not be the proverbial bridesmaid without enough oil! Be prepared for you don’t know the time or the place of the coming of the lord…unless you’re Jack Van Impe who knows all! Mwahahahaha!
Actually, I thought it rhymed with “shrimp.” I was going to suggest that you keep her away from your dalmatians…
Rexella Van Impe,
Rexella Van Impe,
She can sure scare you,
If you’re tough or a wimp
Rexella… Rexella… Van Iiiiiiimpe.
Isn’t Jack Van Impe the guy who Looks Serious ™ on TV and says that you had a relationship with Christ, but you lost it, but you can get it back if you send JVI $50? (No, I do not exagerrate in the slightest- that’s as close to a quote as I can remember.) I remember folks on the LBMB talking about what a cool guy he is.
I always thought that was Robert Tilton (Have you made your $100 vow to God?).
I’m always totally amazed at how they report some news story, then “Captain Jack” has to chime in to somehow relate it to biblical prophecy and the 2nd coming. Funny thing is that it ALL seems to relate to the 2nd coming somehow.
BTW, Isn’t Jack Van Impe’s claim to fame that he has memorized the bible in it’s entirety?
The best part of the show is usually 2/3rds in, when his
eyes well up, the camera zooms in, and he “asks christ to take him into his heart”. That always gets an “amen” from rexella lol.
Addressing the OP… Just guessing from the looks of things, I’d say that there once was a young girl who amazingly survived some kind of horrific atrocity, such as three days without oxygen or something. She was eventually saved by a hyperactive boy from another school who incessantly kept repeating addresses after people’s names (ie. "I just came back from Bobby Smith’s house --401 Elm St-- and he was talking about Tommy Brown --672 Thunderbird Dr.-- and he said that…). Anyway, the girl was always a little different after the accident, but she loyally followed her newfound boyfriend and they eventually decided that God was responsible for them meeting this way. Eventually they got married and started their own show in order to praise God for all of the wonderful impending destruction that is upon us. Or so is my understanding.
Needless to say, my Van Impe bashing was not well received on LBMB, but I’d do it again.
I have an uncle who is a Southern Baptist missionary in East Germany.
He has personally been involved with the Van Impe clan.
I’m really glad i don’t like my uncle all that much, otherwise I’d be upset about never opening that mail from him on that Van Impe stationary. Personally, an Anthrax-encrusted envelope would receive a better reception at my house.
