It behooves me (I have hooves?!?) to advise the Doper’s that DoNKeY BaSHeR is my deskmate here at work, and did, indeed, play that abomination of a rumpshaker mix at high volume, just for me. Not once, mind you. Not twice. Three times.
She said is was paybacks. Don’t ever get on her bad side. 
It behooves me (I have hooves?!?) to advise the Doper’s that **DoNKeY BaSHeR ** is my deskmate here at work, and did, indeed, play that abomination of a rumpshaker mix at high volume…just for me. Not once, mind you. Not twice. Three times.
She said it was paybacks. Don’t ever get on her bad side.
beep
Damn hamsters. Look - twins!
This sounds kinda like that “Friends” episode where Phoebe’s fire alarm wouldn’t stop beeping…remember that one?
Very funny story Hihorse. I had a similar problem on Saturday. I was in my daughter’s room, getting her ready for bed. I keep hearing a quiet but unmistakable beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep - this noise is constant but not very loud. I call out to my wife to see if she can hear it - she can’t and suspect’s I’m just trying to get her to come in and help with getting EvilDaughter ready for bed.
I get up off EvilDaughter’s bed, where I’ve been putting her pyjama’s on (on my daughter, not on me - I don’t look good in pink, and I don’t really like “Blue’s Clues”). The noise stops - ok, I can’t track it down, but at least it’s gone. I grab some socks for ED, and sit back down on the bed - noise starts again. EvilWife comes in to see what’s taking so long. Ah ha! She can hear the noise too.
Maybe it’s one of ED’s toys. Her grandparents have a bad habit of giving her too many playthings that make noise. I check the bed for buried treasure - nope, nothing. The drawer’s under the bed? Nothing there either.
Wait a minute - the noise is following me around, and now I can hear voices! I’m glad EvilWife can hear this too, so we can go crazy together. EW isn’t interested in being crazy, and suggests I check my pockets; oh, it’s my cell phone and the operator is telling me to hang up and try my call again.
I may go crazy anyway, just to spite her.
So, would those be voices from the Dark Side of the Moon??
I feel your pain, Hihorse-great post! Been through a couple of adventures like that.
I once heard a noise like a fire alarm going off, but it wasn’t mine. It was a malfunctioning one in an empty apartment. That lasted 2 days.
Once, we had 3 fire alarms’ batteries give up the ghost in the middle of the same night. One at 3AM, one at 4AM, and one at 5AM, the last at the head of a staircase. Instead of a beep, though, we got an annoying CHIRP! every 3 minutes.
The worst, though, was my dad’s fault. For 2 years we heard this annoyingly loud buzz/hum every couple of weeks that sounded like bad plumbing. We would call the plumber out on an emergency call in the middle of the night, and he’d check things out- “No noise, no problems, where’s my $100?” Then one night, we heard the buzz end with a muffled thump as my dad’s pager hit the floor. He had put it on vibrate, and when he got home, he put it on his dresser. The hollow spaces in the dresser acted like an amplifier, creating the noise. Had the pager not acted like one of those old vibrating tabletop football games and scooted off the dresser, we might never have known. Thankfully, we never took out the wall to look for the source…
Actually, I think they were voices from the Inside of my Pocket 
Well, thank you. Thank you very much. beep My graphic artist just wandered into my office to beep ask me a question. She found me in here, stifling giggles beep with tears streaming down my face. No way I could explain just what in the beep hell is so funny. So now she thinks I’m nuttier than she thought I was last week. Good work.
Incidentally this exact same thing happened in college to some friends of mine. Only I thought the beep was in my head, seeing has how I’d smoked so much dope back in the day. beep wanders off, wiping eyes…
I remember we had a chirping fire alarm in a co-op I used to live in. Great place apart from the CHIRP! every five minutes. I asked the house manager why we hadn’t gotten it taken care of, whatever it was.
“Well, it’s the old fire alarm, and it’s low on batteries.”
“Why don’t we power it up?”
“Because it’ll still chirp. We installed a new fire alarm anyway, one that doesn’t chirp. It’s hardwired in and works just fine, so don’t worry…”
“I’m less worried about burning to death than I am about getting annoyed to death. Why can’t we just take off the old one?”
“Because the maintenance guy needs to do that.”
“And he hasn’t because…?”
“Well, there’s bigger problems around that need to be taken care of.”
“Fine then, I’ll take it down.”
“You can’t. Even if you were allowed, it’s at the top of a ceiling that’s about 20 feet high.”
“Couldn’t have been a very useful alarm even in its heyday, then.”
There’s something, somewhere in my house, that about once a week beeps softly for ten or fifteen minutes before going silent again. Haven’t been able to find it, but I think it might be in the kitchen. I’m starting to suspect that one of the roofers dropped his watch into one of our walls.
Ding, dong, the beep is gone
Which old beep
The hideous beep
Woo hoo!
I had something similar happen. After packing and loading a 4-bedroom house into a Ryder Truck, we started hearing beep coming from somewhere in the cargo beep (just pretend the beeps from now on) area. Mind you, this is a 20-foot truck and is loaded to the roof.
Our CO detector apparently found some in its box. I drove 3 days with the faintest of beeps coming from behind me, and it still took 2 days more before we found the box it was coming from.
OMG Absolutly hilarious, HiHorse!
When I was 15 I was really into electronics and I got the plans to a very cheap, easy, and quick motion sensor alarm. I changed the plans however so that it would stop the beeping anytime it sensed motion. For April fools that year I built about 10 of those and hid them throughout the house, putting 3 in the TV room. I then left the house and forgot about them. Late that night I came back to find my extreemly drunk dad rampaging around the house slinging chairs across the room screaming at the top of his lungs “BEEP BEEP BEEP CANT FIND IT!!!” He was MAD. I quickly went up to his room and turned off the one hidden under his bed. He eventually passed out and I quickly gathered them all up. Me and the rest of my family had a really big laugh, and to this day my dad still talks about the Insane Crickets From Hell that attacked him on April Fools day.
BTW apparently my dad was traumatised by that prank, I visited him last year and one of the fire alarms malfunctioned and he screamed for all of my family to wake up at 4AM to try to find it.
Oh that is just too funny. I also am in tears. And my mother thinks I’ve gone insane. Muahahaha. A few years ago, we had the same problem, with a smoke detector. Only it was in my school. Drove me bloody insane, and noone could hear it but me. I finally smacked the durn thing, and it stopped chirping. After being sent to the principal for disobeying, it was discovered that the principal also could hear the noise, and was ready to change it herself.
Interesting story, hihorse. I found the beeps to be quite funny at first…but quite irritating by the time you were finished. The story was intrugIt’s funny how one gets used to beeping noises after a bit.
My beeping horror story is much worse. About two days after I moved into my new home, an irrational <b>ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME</b> sound began to go off. It woke me at about 5:50 AM…about ten minutes before I usually get up (by habit). I was late for work in looking for it. I didn’t find it.
Over the course of the work day, I had forgotten about it. In fact, that was only probably because I had a very bad day. Though the thought of my rude awakening that morning never crossed my mind, though I’m sure the two were related. The worst invention in history of mankind was the alarm clock. I don’t even own one. The abhorrant alarm at shortly before waking time was very psychological damaging, if even in a subconsious way.
To arrive home to that thing shrieking was absolute hell. I had no desire whatsoever to do any work whatsoever with that racket going on…even if that work was simply looking for the racket. I spent twenty minutes looking for it before I hopped in the shower and took off to a friend’s house. I stayed out until about 3 AM since I didn’t really count on getting any sleep anyway…and I didn’t. The next day at work was worse, but I had found a grim determination to find that thing when I got home.
I searched for six hourse before I went and got a hotel room.
Saturday at about noon, I arrived back home to find the source of that blasted irritant. Four hours later, I started calling to recruit search members. Thank God I had a cell phone.
The noise was so loud, it sounded like it was coming from every room in the house. It was even loud outside, but the insulation muffled it enough so that I could use my phone.
We tore the house apart. We got some beer. We tore the house apart some more.
At about 3 AM, there were two of us left…and we stumbled upon the source at the same time. We could have no communicatoin because there was no other noise.
It turned out to be a water detector that someone had wisely put behind an icebox that had been left behind. The old machine seemed to have an excessive drainage problem and the floor was not leveled so that the water would flow to the drain should the tray overflow. Instead, the water flowed into the corner.
Smart idea…except a water detector that has been submerged for two days tends to get a little water inside. What does one do with an item that is shrieking at a volume that hurts the average person’s ear? I tried putting it in the ice box…it didn’t do much. I couldn’t throw it into a bowl of water (like I would have done with the CO detector). I couldn’t throw it outside, it would wake the neighbors (as if it hadn’t already).
I had to live with it one more night. I waited until I was sufficiently sober (about noon the next day), and I drove to the local police station with the item. Though I had shaved and showered, I must have looked quite haggard. They called in four squad cars for backup (I’m sure more were waiting around the block) before they would allow me to go back to my car to retrieve the offending item.
COP: “What the hell is that?”
ME: “It’s a water detector and I don’t know how to turn it off.”
COP: “A water detector? What does it do?”
ME: “Well, being as how I found it in a puddle that wasn’t supposed to be there, I guess it’s supposed to detect water”.
COP: “What?”
ME: “Never mind. What can you do with this thing?”
COP: “I’m not sure. What is it?”
ME: “I’m not sure, but I sure as hell don’t want it at my house anymore.”
COP: “Well, I sure as hell don’t want it here!”
ME: “That’s your decision. If you don’t take it, I’m going to throw it out the window on my way home. I’m sure they sell dozens of these wherever they sell them.”
COP: “We can’t have you doing that. It might not land in a place that is easy to see.”
ME: “That’s why I brought it here. You know where I can take it?”
COP: “Well, you could take it back to where you bought it. I’m sure they would give you a refund if it’s broken.”
ME: “I don’t kow if it’s broken or not. I’m not even 100% sure as to what it’s supposed to do.”
COP: “Why did you buy it?”
ME: “It came with the house.”
COP: “Man…I hope you got a good deal”
Thus the conversation went…I think…but I think I convinced him when I told him that I was the victim. It almost seemed like he was trying to interrogate me, but the deafening clamour threw him off tempo a bit. He had one of his officer’s bring out a small silver box (bomb-proof, I suppose). After placing the item inside, it was muffled to an easily acceptible me-me-me-me. They then brought it to the next room where it wasn’t heard at all.
Thank God I only live four blocks from the police station. I wouldn’t have been able to drive home otherwise. I was asleep before I got to the front door.
oops…by virtue of a horrible cut and paste accident in the middle of a minor crisis (nothing serious…just a small fire in the ash tray…some dumbass threw a cellophane in there), I chopped a bit of the first paragraph.
I meant to say that your story was intriguing way. You definitely got your point across.
Ahh…the wonder of words.
I give up.
Sorta reminds me of this.