It started out as a rather innocuous thing. beep As I was watching TV, trying to recover from a bout of diverticulitis, my sub-conscience picked up on the subtle beep sound. Nothing too hairy, here. Just a little noise at the far reaches of my little world. beep Wandered in and out of the room throughout the day, tending to the annoyances of a chronic illness beep but still catching that sound on occasion.
Day 2 of still not feeling well, back to the TV. beep After a couple of hours of nothing to watch, but still unable to unglue myself from the boob-tube beep, I decide to put in a choice video and watch The Great Race. beep That Jack Lemmon cracks me up! This is one of my all-time favorite movies! beep Well, there’s another 2 hours down - let’s watch another classic. How about It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World? beep All righty, then. Hoo-boy! That Jonathan Winters is a card! beep Well, this is starting to get a little annoying beep, so off to bed I go.
Day 3 - yep, still under the weather (and over the toilet), so back to the Idiot Box. beep Let’s see, how about Some Like It Hot? Yep, that’ll do. beep More Jack Lemmon - did I mention he cracks me up? beep Ok, this is getting really annoying, now. beep “Hey, you guys. What’s making that sound?” beep
PARENTS: “What sound?” beep
HIHORSE: “That beeping sound. It’s been going on for a couple of days, now.” beep
PARENTS: “I don’t hear anything. What’s it sound like?” beep
HIHORSE: “Like a beep. Is it the smoke alarm?” beep
FATHER: “I don’t hear anything.” beep
HIHORSE: “Of course not. You couldn’t hear a freight train if you were standing on top of it!” beep
MOTHER: “Where’s it coming from?” beep
HIHORSE: “If I knew that, I could find out what it was.” beep
Mother wanders into the living room and begins to chatter like a magpie. beep She’s nuts, you know. Poor old dear. Toys in the attic, and all. beep But, God love her, she at least puts in an effort. Now, if she’d just be quiet for 30 seconds beep she could hear what I’m hearing. Noooo. That would be too easy. beep
HIHORSE: “Check your Rascal (little motorized cart) to see if you left the key on, or if it’s the battery charger, or…something. beep Hell, I don’t know - just check it out.” beep
MOTHER: “Nope, it’s not making any noises. beep Oh, is that the sound you’re hearing?” beep
HIHORSE: “Why, yes…yes, it is.” beep
MOTHER: “What is that? Is that you?” beep
HIHORSE: “Oh, good grief. If it was me, do you think I’d be asking what that noise was?!?” beep
::Mother wanders off again, back to her own little world::
beep
All 4 cats are walking around with their ears out flat, giving little starts & jumps beep everytime it beeps. Once in awhile, somebodies tail will pouf up - just pffft. beep If it weren’t so damned annoying, this could be kinda cute to watch. Maybe on mute. beep So you wouldn’t be driven insane.
beep
HIHORSE: “What the HELL is that NOISE?!?” beep
FATHER: “What’s it sound like?” beep
HIHORSE: “For the love of Pete, it sounds like a BEEP!! beep Haven’t you been listening to me?!?” beep
FATHER: “Well, it’s not the smoke alarm. Just checked that.” beep
HIHORSE: “It almost sounds like it’s coming from the front door.” beep
FATHER: “Could it be the doorbell?” beep
HIHORSE: “Our doorbell BEEPS?!?” beep
FATHER: “No, I don’t think so.” beep
HIHORSE: “Then why did you ask me if it was the doorbell?” beep
FATHER: “Because you said it sounded like it was coming from the front door.” beep
HIHORSE: ::heavy sigh:: beep
FATHER: “Oh, is that the sound you’re talking about?” beep
HIHORSE: “Yes, oh yes. Finally! Do you have any idea what it is?” beep
FATHER: “Well, that sounds like it’s coming from the motorhome.” beep
HIHORSE: “Great, let’s go check it out before I lose my ever-lovin’ mind!” beep
FATHER: “No, you stay here - I don’t want you tramping around in my motorhome.” beep
::what the…?!?::
So dear, old Dad ambles out to the motorhome beep that, apparently, I’m not allowed into and begins futzing around for what seems like an eternity. beep If he doesn’t find something soon, I’m going to become homicidal. Patricidal. Nuts. Officially, nuts. beep He mutters and fumbles and checks all sorts of beep wires and gadgets before he determines it’s one of the detectors. beep Finally, he decides it really is OK for me to “tramp around” his beep motorhome, since he can’t determine if it’s the smoke detector or the CO detector that’s beep making that sound.
Now, these detectors have little lights on them that blink beep when they make a noise, and the CO box has a display screen that gives you beep messages. But Daddy-dearest can’t seem to see the light beep or the display, so I have to be his eyes. I determine beep from the flashing light and the Err message displayed on the screen that beep it’s the CO box.
I wrench the dreadful little monster beep from the wall and flip it over, hoping to be able to beep remove the freakin’ battery. Alas, beep this was not to be. It’s a sealed unit beep with no screws or anything to take it apart, no beep seams or anything the like. Apparently, this is a beep lifetime battery and if you need to replace the battery beep you have to replace the entire box. However, there are some helpful beep messages on the back - things like “If you see Error in the display beep, please refer to your user’s manual.”
HIHORSE: “Dad, it says to look in the manual to resolve the error message.” beep
FATHER: “Your brother-in-law didn’t give me a manual.” beep
HIHORSE: “What does Rex have to do with this?” beep
FATHER: “He’s the one that bought and installed it. beep I think he just threw the packaging away.” beep
HIHORSE: “That’s not like him to do anything like that. beep Check your folder of manuals & guides to see if he stuck it in there.” beep
Dear old Dad collects the folder of books for the RV, and beep takes the blankety-blank box out of my hand and saunters back into the house. Finally! I can get some beep peace & quiet. Ha! I say, Ha! again. beep He decides that the best place to thumb through this 10" deep folder is right…behind…ME !!! beep For 30 freakin’ minutes! Page by page! beep
HIHORSE: “So help me, God, if you don’t get that thing away from me, I’m going to go postal! I’m not kidding!!” beep
FATHER: “Quick, Pat, hide the guns. The kid’s gonna lose it! (snicker, snicker)” beep
HIHORSE: “Yeah, you’re a regular laugh-riot, you are. Please, Daddy…I’m beggin’ you here beep to please take that thing somewhere else. Please.” beep
FATHER: “I think I need to call Rex. I can’t find beep any manual for this thing. Maybe he’s got it. Or another one.” beep
HIHORSE: “Great. Call him. Just take that beep abomination with you. PLEASE!!” beep
Did I mention that Dad’s not too tightly wound either? Not as bad as Mom, beep but gettin’ there. Elevator goes all the way to the top, but the doors don’t always open all the way. beep He takes the CO box down the hall with him, and shoves it in a stack of towels in the beep linen closet. Well, at least it’s muffled. At least it’s not right behind me. At least mmeeep it’s…well, quietter. Quieter? More quiet? Less noisy. Never does call Rex. Why? mmeeep I don’t know. Something in his wiring, I guess. Who knows? That’s just Dad. mmeeep
Day 4 - mmeeep It slips into your dreams. It invades your every waking moment. It’s almost as annoying mmeeep as the full-on beep. I’m going to the hardware store, I’m buying a new CO box and a sledgehammer. mmeeep Anybody wanna go along?