I envy the fact that most of the ladies my age (25) have had a chance to wear fun clothes that fit well and don’t make them look frumpy. I’ve never really had much of a chance to wear clothes that fit really well past puberty, and it’s not just an issue of weight but an issue of being tall and large-framed. I get really dejected clothes shopping because all the women my age that I see are twigs and I’m this Giant Towering Milkmaid Monster who can’t fit into anything because her hips, boobs, and shoulders won’t allow her to, and her legs are too long for regular stuff but not quite long enough for tall stuff. I’d get along fine if it were the the 1800s and someone needed a gal who could do hard labor on the farm, but this just isn’t the case.
THIS. I was coming in here to say almost exactly this. I envy girls who can just walk into a store and find something that fits them without having to scour the racks. I also envy people who can make hair and makeup look effortless and who have the time to do both. I keep my hair short because I can’t style hair at all–never learned how. I can’t even really make a ponytail.
Oh, I can (sorta) do my hair and I can definitely do my makeup, but if I’m pressed to find clothes that fit well and look cute in the selection I’m subjected to, I might as well surrender to whatever the punishment for failing is before I try.
People with exciting Facebook pages. With photo albums of the party they went to last week, and the corporate ball they went to the week before that, and the weekend before that, the opening of a new bar. All the while wearing fabulous designer clothes, posing with model-beautiful friends, and looking more photogenic than any non-Photoshopped person has a right to be.
In a similar vein I’m pretty envious of girls (and it’s almost always girls) who have mastered the camera angle you need to take self-portraits. I need to get that down pat before I go on holiday, otherwise there are going to be a lot of photos of 1/4 of my face on the beach.
tdn, you make some excellent points, the best of which is the possibility of dating someone and not potentially becoming a stepfather. My kids are 17 and 21, and should I marry again, I do not expect them to refer to my husband as their stepfather. If they wish to, fine, but they have a father. A “step” before the title is not necessary. He can and probably will be “first name only.”
Your second point, I have NO, absolutely zero need, to be validated by marriage again. If it happens, it happens. If not, cool.
I’m paralyzed, so obviously the big thing I miss is being able bodied. I’ve been hurt since my late teens, and now into my 20’s (there’s no end in sight either). I miss everything that I’ve lost. I see what other people are still able to do: be spontaneous, not have to worry about seemingly trivial obstacles, not stick out in a crowd …
I don’t think I would really say I’m envious, or jealous, or anything like that; it’s more that I’m sad that I’m not “normal”.
Living near others my age. Sure, I’m 22 and I own my house and car. Ok, so I have no debt. I’ve got a few friends and some skills with a guitar. Ok, I’m smart too. But you know what’s missing? Anyone to be around. I hate driving across town to get a glimpse of what other people my age are doing. Parties right around the corner, bars in walking distance, taking naps between class! HAH! I wish my friends would come to my parties, but they don’t…it’s just too far. I’m an outsider- literally!
A lot of women my age just seem so much more settled than I am. They have their careers, and husbands, and talk about kids and investments and life insurance. At 29 I am still in university, I rent a place with roommates, and I have basically no money to my name. Oh, and I’m single and have been for ages. It seemed so easy to ‘hook up’ when we were young, and all my friends snagged their husbands from relationships formed when we were 19-22. Now, I can safely say that no adult man in his right mind would date me with my completely messed up life, so the bitter part of me is very envious of those others.
But, I did get to travel the world and I’m not actively in debt, so I suppose it’s not as bad as it could be.
Heck, I’d be happy with a first. Well, not really, because what I envy is the solid relationships my peers have (even though I shouldn’t; all available evidence implies they’re not for me). I visited my ex and her partner last week. They live in this great big house with a garden and are planning the rest of their lives together and holy shit do I ever want exactly that.
Apart from that, I’m good. But it’s a pretty big “that”.
Wow. You are a totally cool chick. Marry me. Or don’t. Or whatever. It’s all good.
Can I ask your advice on something?
I went out on a date with someone a couple of weeks ago, and it went nice. It went fantastic. There is really little doubt that she’s into me, and that’s great. I’m into her as well. So far, so good, right?
I can never call her except when she says because she doesn’t want her kids knowing about her dating life. That’s understandable, it’s none of their business. I respect her right to be discreet.
Well, I, perhaps stupidly, agreed to go out with her tonight. The purpose of the date is not to give her the opportunity to jump my bones. The purpose is to help her 15yo son pick out a guitar for his birthday present. She went from “My kids don’t need to know about you” to “Meet my son” really fast.
How should I approach this? For obvious reasons, I want the kid to approve of me. I don’t want to step in as a daddy replacement, nor do I want to come off as the weird old fart who wants to fuck his mom. Do I treat this kid as a peer? As a friend? As a respectful stranger?
Should I get hungry, should I invite them to Taco Bell? And if so, should I pay?
Running a little hot and cold, is she now? I can’t begin to fathom where she’s coming from. In my first post-divorce relationship which lasted approximately six months, the one and only time my kids met the guy was when their dad changed his schedule and was late picking them up at my house. That was about three months into the relationship.
I can’t remember how long it took them to meet my last ex boyfriend, but we dated for two and a half years. I am sure it was at least a couple months.
If you were literally asking for my advice about tonight, I don’t know. I’d say you are within your rights to back out. It’s going to be a long evening if you are that uncomfortable. If it were me, I would have never agreed to it (not judging here, just saying is all). I don’t really think it’s fair to the kid.
If you do go, I would think the only thing you could really do is keep it very laid back and get to know him. Your intentions toward his mom probably isn’t an area he wants to even fathom, to be honest!
More on the dating/getting older/step-parent thing. I envy people who are able to meet, date, marry and procreate with people who have not previously been married or who do not have kids.
I’m a 32-year-old woman, and time is running out to find guys my age who don’t have kids or who have not been married. I really don’t want to be a second wife or a step-mother, but the longer it takes me to meet “Mr. Right,” the chances of the pool of guys my age having “clean pasts” (for lack of a better term) are shrinking fast.
I don’t want to be the one who runs after any hint of a relationship, but on occasion I think it might be nice to have someone to go out and do things with. Get laid, maybe. But children make me kind of twitchy.
However, my great passion for most of the last decade has been my job. That’s probably not the healthiest thing, but it’s what calls to me. People are weird and scary.
People who knew what to major in in college so that they got great, marketable degrees and embarked on promising careers right out of the gate. What magical fucking fairy godmother high school guidance counselors did they have that told them to go into industrial design or ridiculously specified areas of engineering? I didn’t even know that industrial design existed when I was 17, yet here were kids that somehow knew to go into it, and three or four years out of college they’re pulling in six figures and own condos and stuff. I’m at the point in my young life where I have a completely unmarketable degree and basically no way of getting a better one than to completely somehow drop out of the world and go back to school for a different bachelor’s degree.
yes, yes! I was a typical humanities undergraduate, knowing bugger all of what I wanted to do with my life; an acquaintance who was in the systems engineering program bought a house in his junior year. Nursing, engineering, even passionate education majors–have their early careers laid out before them while most of us are still foundering.
Yeah, I’ll echo this. I never had grand plans, but I had wanted to be a teacher. Well, back in the late 70’s so did everyone else. Ditto for journalism, which I would have been damn good at. Got talked out of social work “because it doesn’t pay.” So, many moons later I am a legal assistant, which is okay, but about as well as you can do without a degree. Wish I’d had a backbone back then.
