What to do if you suspect Munchausen by proxy

In My Humble Opinion
1

I have a friend who has been married for 40 years. A few years after he was married he began suffering from terrible pain in his head. No doctor has been able to determine the cause of the pain. No pain medication, prescription or otherwise, has been effective. I suspect his wife has something to do with causing this pain, because:

  1. She is the kind of person who enjoys getting attention for being the “heroic, self-sacrificing caregiver”.
  2. She is very domineering. Her husband and her two sons are totally under her thumb (for instance, her sons are in their late 30’s and have never had sex or had girlfriends).
  3. She claims that she can’t even go away for a weekend to see her parents or friends because her husband “might kill himself” if she’s not there.

Is there anything I can do?

2

40 years? After that long, I’d think nothing could change that dynamic.

3

Do you have any other reason for suspecting this? Candidly, what you’ve stated isn’t compelling.

4

I think that people who are familiar with the Munchausen By Proxy Syndrome would see that the wife fits the profile.

5

Not enough info.

6

Even if she’s telling him he has a headache, I find it hard to believe he would tell other people this if he wasn’t suffering from pain.

  1. A common archetype these days, unfortunately.
  2. The latter part is not necessarily her fault.
  3. That, on the other hand, sounds like abuse, but even then, she’s losing out on opportunities there, if she’s saying that’s true. Is she preventing him from going away for a weekend to visit his parents?
7

Munchausen Syndrome isn’t just hypochondria – it’s active self-harm. If the OP is correct (which seems like long odds) and the wife does have Munchausen-by-Proxy, then she’s not just telling her husband he gets headaches. She’s actively poisoning him to cause him headaches and get sympathy and attention for herself as his care-taker.

8

Yea, you need more than your suspicions. I don’t think you can know for sure without lab tests or blood work to prove poisioning. It may simply be stress is causing his headaches because she’s so demanding.

9

Isn’t this condition mostly manifested towards a young child from a parent? The behavior comes from a desire for attention and a hero complex, which from your description the wife may have. This doesn’t seem to fit the classic Munchausen profile, but as others have said, this isn’t really enough information.

Doesn’t mean there may not be something sinister going on, though. She may just be your average controlling shrew poisoner next door.

10

It is very common for stress and spouses to cause headaches. But it isn’t usually MBP. If you suspect this, mention it to your doctor.

11

I can understand someone suffering from headaches given the described marital dynamics. :smack:

However, decades of “head pain” without other signs/symptoms makes Munchausen by proxy sound highly unlikely.*

*without other, suggestive evidence, such as the husband feeling lots better when hospitalized, until his spouse visits him with a nice tray of odd-smelling brownies. :eek:

12

It doesn’t sound like Munchausen’s by proxy, but it does sound like he has a headache and his wife is the cause.