A friend me mine, who I love dearly, turned up in the pub tonight, after being away for most of this year living the life of an anarchist squatter. Among the first things she said to me was to apologise for leaving while still owing me money. She will have no money for a while, she says she has a job but i dunoo how long it will last. I want to hang out with her, but it’ll be at my expense. What should I do?
I don’t loan money to friends. I’ll give them money if they have it, and we may even call it a loan, but I don’t actually expect to see it ever again. Saves me getting angry if it doesn’t get repaid.
So if it were me and I had the money to hang out, we would, and I wouldn’t mention the money I’d given her before. If she told me she was sorry and would pay me back later and blah blah blah, I’d just say something noncommittal like, “When you can is good. So, how have you been?!”
Any anarchist squatter worth her snuff should know what kinds of cool free events are happening around where you live. Hang out with her but don’t spend any money. Hopefully she’ll pay you back then, too.
Nothing says I’m sorry like fucking you senseless every night for the next few months.
Sadly it’s not that sort of friendship… If it’s not clear from the OP, I’m not looking for anything, just confused about what to do now.
It seems kind of silly to expect sensitivity about money issues from an anarchist squatter. Can’t you have Freegan meals out of a dumpster or something?
Seriously, squatter and freeloader are pretty close to synonymous. I would expect that you will pay and never see it back.
I would normally agree with that, but i’ve lent her money before, and always got it back, apart from the small amount mentioned earlier. If i understand her philosophy rightly, it’s ok to take from the masses but not individuals. Yes, i see the obvious flaws in that, but meh.
I’m more worried about emotional issues than financial really.
You ran into her at the pub, right? She came there expecting to pay her own way then, right? Why would all future shared activities have to be at your expense?
Can you limit your hanging-out activities to ones that don’t cost money?
If you currently still have hang-ups about lending, giving, loaning her money. I suggest you stop because your not going to see get any cash back in this situation any time soon.
Just an FYI.
Yours truly,
Ibanez the freeloader
Honorable people under financial stress will typically pay you back within the limits of their ability to do so. If the debt is too large they just compartmentalize it in another box of “later”. Your money may, or may not, be gone, but you really need to do some compartmentalizing yourself and put it in the category of “gone” and it’ll be a nice surprise if/when you get it back.
If the friendship is going to be “weird” because of the debt, that’s really kind of your decision at this point in that you made the loan to begin with.
Re hanging out with someone who says they have no money that’s kind of your decision also. Most mooches are at least expected to be entertaining. As a point of practicality people living anarchist/squatter lifestyles are often involved in hard drugs in some form or fashion and that can lead to manipulative or threatening behavior if there is a desperation to get money. Just keep your guard up. I don’t think you should be giving her the key to your apartment.
Anarchist squatter? That’s a synonym for mentally fucked up bum, so don’t expect anything.
That’s a slightly unfair generalisation, but it’s true in some cases…
Anyway, we had a long conversation earlier, and she’s given up that lifestyle because it’s not working for her, and moved back with her parents and got a job. She intends to sort her life out, and says that will include paying me back when feasible.
Thanks for the replies everyone, a lot of it I’d thought already but it’s helpful to hear from others. We’ll continue to hang out, and I may pay for stuff as a gift, but I’ll not lend anymore money until I’ve got at least some back.