There’s this commercial on TV that I find so irritating that I give it the finger every time it comes on. It’s for Dempsey’s bread.
You have this lady telling you that most breadmakers use bleach to whiten their bread. She says that the method is “perfectly acceptable”, yet she delivers the line in a way that makes you wonder if it’s … safe.
She then goes on to say that Dempsey’s uses UNBLEACHED flour. Sounds natural and wholesome, right? Yeah. As she’s saying that, they quickly flash on the screen, “Whitened with enzymes”. Uh-huh. This strikes me as a cynical attempt to create a subtle paranoia without actually lying on-air.
However, what really bugs me is the way she … cuts her bread! She has this strange body language that just screams “fake”. Even the way she bites her sandwich bugs me.
I really can’t put into words WHY this commercial bugs me, but there’s an undercurrent that makes me feel insulted every time it airs.
I abhor those “orgasmic” – oh, excuse me, I meant ORGANIC! Tee hee! – commercials that Clairol Herbal Essence puts out. I hate them. I especially resent6 that they show during prime time. I can’t wait to explain to my toddler that moaning and screaming “YES!” is not, in fact, a good way to show appreciation for grandma’s cooking or that birthday present.
I also loathe those commercials for Bagel Bites or whatever they are–where they allege “When you put pizza on a bagel, you can have pizza anytime!” Right, just put something on a bagel and suddenly its breakfast food. Give me a break.
This may only be a local commercial (Tampa, FL). There is a cabinet company here, called something like Bay Area Cabinets or something, with these three guys, who at the end of every commercial, bend over like they are doing the Charleston, and give out a really fake laugh, in unison. This fake laugh and their shambling “dance” have become their “trademark”, with morons (customers) actually asking to see hear the laugh. And it is always louder than the tv show. Just hate those guys.
I could come up with a bunch, since I’m typically cranky when it comes to commercials…
There’s a radio ad that’s playing in the Metro DC area for Jaguar cars (not a specific dealership, I don’t think). Now, cars ads in general peeve me greatly because they spend most of the 60-90 seconds screaming at you (and then mutter the legalese to cover their furry asses). But this one doesn’t do that, so it gets passing marks on that account.
However, what it does do is pronounce the product’s name wrong! A Jaguar is a “JAG-war.” I know, I know, some of you have heard it “jag-YOU-are,” and that’s not entirely incorrect (my guess is it’s a colloquialism more than anything). But this announcer (who has a British accent, BTW, so you would think he’d know better) consistently pronounces it that way only to be followed by another voiceover person who DOES pronounce it “JAG-war.”
They have the product pronounced TWO different ways!!! Were the editors asleep? I can see you doing it one way, either as an affected accent or just to be cute (or, even, because you thought it was correct), but why on Earth would you do it two different ways? Makes the company - at least the makers of the ad - out to be incredibly stupid.
I think the Pepsi girl has already earned her spot at the head of the line to hell.
Loud car commercials. The Attorney General had to fine dealerships Big Bucks because they kept using commericals THAT WERE LOUD AS HELL AND SPOKE REAL FAST AND HID ALL THE DETAILS IN[sub]microprint that scrolled across the screen real fast and at the bottom of your tv screen in clearly legible light grey on white writing.[/sub]
After awhile, and hundreds of thousands in fines, the dealership changed hands. At least the new guys use a quieter ad agency.
Anything involving “Eagle Man”, “Eagle Woman”, Luna Carpet (the jingle makes my skin crawl) and the one Cranky brought up. Oh, and no, I don’t want to “do like Stu and you’ll save too - push it, pull it, tow it to Golf Mill Ford.”
There’s a radio spot for Fedcenter.com. It took me THREE times hearing this tripe to know what the heck they were promoting/selling because the singer/narrator mumbles the name of the Web site! (I think it’s a procurement company for the gov’t.)
Then there’s one for Abros.com (spelling?), voiced by some dude with an odd accent. Not British exactly. Not Australian. I don’t know what it is, but it’s annoying. Click! (Me turning it off!)
I keep hoping that the chihuahua from the Taco Bell ads would get rabies and bite the little girl on the pepsi ads, necessitating that they both be put down.
I don’t know if it was a local commercial, but a few months ago they were showing this commercial for some car or car dealership that said something to the effect of “We don’t need to hide the details in fine print, blah blah blah, now here’s the finest darn print you’re gonna see,” after which some huge numbers flashed on the screen. More shots of the car or whatever… Anyway, at the very end of the commercial, there was the standard quick fine print. WTF??? You just said there was no fine print!
And of course those godawful Red Bull commercials. “Red Bull gives you wiiiings!!!” Shut up, shut up, shut up!!! I mute the TV when they come on.
There’s a few that bother me…the biggest one eludes me right now, but here’s a couple:
Lipitor: Guy gets in the car and says “I asked my doctor about Lipitor.” The commercial invites us to ask about Lipitor too. Unforunately there is no hint about WHAT THE HELL LIPITOR IS! It took me a month and a half, and 4 other commercials before they finally revealed what it was. How was I supposed to know…was it for old people, young people, men only, both men and women, people with ED, people with high BP, people with screws in their ass? Who knows. Do they think I’m just going to ask my doctor about a drug when I have no idea what it’s used for?
That damn commercial for Celebrex: “Celebrate, Celebrate, do what you like to do.” Were the writers so unclever that “do what you like to do” was the only thing they could come up with for the song? Ughh… I think they got too many complaints, because now they just say “Celebrate, Celebrate…” Silence afterwards.
Why are ALL radio ads—even those for major companies—so badly written and woodenly read? When I lived in B’more I did some radio work, and—while I was not exactly the Lynn Fontanne of the airwaves—I was a damn sight better than the Stepford husbands and wives they have doing radio work now!
Lipitor, BTW, is for people who have high cholesterol who can’t lower it any other way. It’s related to Zocor. (Another notorious non-informative commercial.) I guess the ad agencies figure if you know what it’s for, you might have a need for it.
Those prescription-medicine ads just plain slay me. I haven’t a clue what they’re for, either. All I know about them is that they’re so cool and you can do all kinds of things on them and I think Joan Lunden uses it. Hey wait… Are these really commercials for crack?
This may be an UL, but supposedly, when you call when of their ‘free’ 800 numbers, they switch you to a mega-expensive long-distance carrier - it’s how they make their money (that, and ignorant schmucks who keep calling the PAY line…)
My favorite part of the prescription drug commercials are the list of possible side effects. The spend a bunch of time telling you how much better your life will be, then go on to mention “SOME people on this drug could experience dry mouth, convulsions, anal leakage, incontinence, and spontaneous combustion.” Hey, thanks!
The worst commercial in my recent memory is the one with the guy who made a girlfriend out of rice crispie treats. It’s wrong on so many levels. Fake girlfriend, manhandled marshmallow, food in the swimming pool . . . ugh. I’m glad it’s gone.
The radio station or the advertising agency doesn’t have a copywriter.
Agency (or client) calls you up on a Friday morning and says “we’d like to get on for Monday. Have any spots available? Great. BTW, we don’t have a commercial ready. Can you clear some production time this afternoon?”
Client declares that every script you write is absolute crap. Insists on doing it themselves despite having no qualifications on writing copy.
This will happen at both the local and national level clients. The only difference between the two is national clients use the advertising agencies to yell at you rather than do it themselves. And before you ask the question, yes it is the job of the agency to create the commercials. They’ll pass whatever work they can get away with onto radio stations.
So as not to throw this entirely off topic, I hate the “Dance Party” commercials. Where opening up a can of soda turns your living room into a rave.
Oooooooooooh, I thought of another one. A series of them, actually. Those inane Miller High Life commercials where we get closeups of some paunchy, balding, over-the-hill diphthong eating something. I don’t really need to see this!
(Me turning it off!)