What if he’s only pretending to trick a woman into having sex with him?
Ok…Ok…I got carried away. The quote above is perfectly acceptable.
IIRC, it was used as a defense in my daughters boyfriend’s case…but when that conversation took place, my daughter was no-where around and he knew it.
Tortured emo kids? I got nuttin’.
That was the second smart remark I bit back – “I think just owning a copy of that book is a DADT violation.”
I read about 1/3 of the first book aloud with a friend when I was visiting her. She’d borrowed it from her teenage sister, who loved the series. I hope the poor girl never learns how hard we laughed over it. We laughed until we CRIED. At one point my friend fell off the couch.
*I did later watch the first Twilight movie with this same friend, partially out of morbid curiosity and partially because we’d had so much fun mocking the book. It was pretty bad, although I’d say it’s more exciting than the book in that 1) it’s over more quickly, 2) much of Bella’s insufferable internal monologue is omitted, 3) people start getting murdered by the bad vampires right away so there’s some actual action early on. But no, it’s not much fun except to make fun OF. There are also long, tedious sections taken directly from the book where Bella and Edward just STARE. I’m not joking, there are seemingly endless scenes that are basically:
BELLA: 
EDWARD: 
BELLA: :dubious:
EDWARD:
BELLA:
EDWARD:
BELLA:
This is awesome. I would love to see someone tackle the entire movie (either one, unseen by me) using just smilies.
See, when I was young, vampires sucked blood… not cock.
Legitimate facebook group, I joined it.
In answer to the op:
I’m imagining a man with scars on his head, possibly a metal plate. He might be drooling.
Yes. I’d be inclined to believe it’s the same group that continue to defend abysmal romance fanfics with “OMG, ur just jellous!” well into their thirties.
Although, I do admit I like what the likes of Twilight and City of Bones represent, and that’s a licence to print money.
That would be awesome, and I would read it. I did love the lolcat version, even though I’m not a lolcat fan. (Except for the whole lolcat bible idea, which is hilarious.)
I think men who are telling their wives they like it because they’ve discovered it will get them more nookie.
A highschool teacher I know told me that one of her male students was very pleased with the Twilight movie because he got three girls’ numbers waiting in line and after.
Oh! Twilight bumper sticker contest!
My entry.
Sparkly Vampires Bite
Enjoy,
Steven
I don’t really understand this meme. I think Twilight is a terribly bad story, and so not watchable, except for those people where appealing themes rate higher than quality.
But I don’t see how the vampires are particularly “gay”, in any sense of the word. Yeah, they sparkle. But other than that? He is a 100+ year old guy, who still goes after young girls, and desire to kill her by drinking her blood. How is that gay?
The joke about “sucking cock,” isn’t that it’s gay… it’s that he just plain sucks.
Dracula, Blade, even the each individual vampire from True Blood (including the gay ones!) were less shit than all the twilight vamps combined.
True Blood Spoiler:
I mean, even the gay vampire that got killed by sookiee’s brother in season 1 (the one who provided V to sookiee’s best friend’s cousin – really, I’m crap with names) was less shit than the main character from Twilight.
He’s 100+, and he might sleep with girls, but the point is that he’s retarded, not that he’s homosexual. Although, from the little bit of twilight I was forced into watching, he seemed pretty damn homosexual to me.
I get what you mean, but I’m proposing a friendly amendment to your joke to make it easier to get:
“See, when I was young, vampires sucked blood… not ass.”
I knew a kid who totally loved Mean Girls and Bring It On a few years back. I haven’t seen him since the first movie came out, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he liked Twilight too. I don’t know if he likes movies like that because he’s gay, or if it’s unrelated.
Then shouldn’t the joke be that vampires used to suck blood, not paint chips? Or “not exhaust pipes”? or something that sounds… retarded? I’ve always associated sucking cock with women and gay men, not the retarded. What do you know about the retarded and their ability to give a good blow job that you’re not telling us?
The joke is sucking cock.
Change cock to shit, or ass, or paint chips if it suits you, but the joke is sucking cock.
I’d have enjoyed Twilight a lot more if it were about a girl who had a crush on a hot but withdrawn guy in her class and was confused by how he kept sending her mixed signals, until she realized that he was…gay.
They go to the prom together anyway, as friends.
I took it to mean that Edward and his ilk are girly and weak rather than scary and mean like a vampire should be.
My boyfriend and I watched Twilight one night on TV. It was entertaining enough to keep us from flipping the channels, despite the long tortured stare contests. I’ve actually read the books - they are trash, but again, entertaining enough to read. The last book read like some kind of bizarre fan fiction written on crack.
But he is not weak. He is supernaturally strong. And how is he girly?
I have a thirty one year old male friend who was telling me how great the books were. He’s pretty much the kind of guy who thinks that any current over-hyped trend is the best thing ever.