Once I decided my balls were way too hairy. Instead of trimming with a pair of scissors or using a razor blade (which has proven itself another TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE idea)… I went to a waxing parlour. And I waxed my balls. It started all nice, on a calm room, with nice lighting, some LGBT-friendly magazines and soft music. Guy came up, told me to… send my pants down and he proceeded to tell me how stuff would work. It was warm, gooey… and then… PAIN. PAAAAAIN PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINNNN. Holy mother of god. The end result was pretty neat, but… I think I’d rather tattoo my forehead than doing this again. What about you?
Most painful thing I ever did: Skipped going to the dentist for ten years, even though I could see one of my back molars had gone black & pieces of it occasionally fell out of my mouth. Thankfully I had finally scheduled to have it extracted by the time the tooth SHEARED OFF AT THE GUMLINE and exposed the root to the elements. I remember describing it as, “A New Genre of Pain.”
Once, when I was little (around 6 or 7), my family got one of those at-home Zipline kit things - a big wire with a handle meant to be strung between two places. We tied it tightly between two big trees, at an angle, and I got the honors of riding it first. So I grabbed onto the handle at the higher end and rode, with my knees slightly bent. Unfortunately, we did something wrong, and so after building up a ton of speed along the way, my kneecaps crashed full force into the opposite tree trunk.
Ruptured appendix. I was in agonizing pain, plus nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, fever and delirium. I lived a few blocks from a “teaching” hospital, so late at night managed to walk there. They examined me and decided that I was merely constipated, so sent me home with instruction to come back in the morning if I was still in pain. In my delirium, I did what they told me. I don’t remember that night at all, but I returned to the hospital in the morning. The new ER staff immediately rushed me into surgery.
Gall bladder attack. It outranks my broken foot as the most painful thing I’ve experienced. Fortunately, my GB attacks have resolved themselves in less than 2 hours; the foot took 8 weeks.
Ingrown toe nail; both sides of right big toe. “Doctor” put six needles around nail side of toe (painful enough) instead of around the base. He cut the nail on both sides of a, basically, un-anesthetized toe. Oh joy, oh bliss!
Two, actually. First one was when I managed to impale my thumb on a fishhook past the barb. That part didn’t hurt all that much, but when the Fish and Game guy pushed it through so he could cut off the barb, MOTHER FUCKER!
The other one was when I got my thumb caught between a bicycle chain and the sprocket and tore the top off of it. That was bad enough, but I ran in the house and stuck it under running water. I think I saw god laughing at me.
The worse pain I have ever experienced is an infected tooth, on a Friday night and having to wait until the following Tuesday (Monday was a holiday) until my Mom brought me to a dentist. My face looked like the elephant man. I was around 10 years old. Close second, a bad migraine.
Hmm, it’s probably a tie. An infected tooth. My face was so swollen, the skin of my cheek hurt from being stretched – I looked like a lop-sided chipmunk.
The other would be a post-seizure headache. All I can do is just lay there and stare at the ceiling until it goes away. I can’t even move my head the tiniest bit, because it causes excruciating pain.
Tore half of my fingernail halfway off at work. Went to emergency and the “doctor” cut it off. Through the flesh. With scissors. No freezing. The pain was so intense that I nearly fainted, which was lucky for the doctor. Had I been in less pain I would have beaten his fucking head to pieces.
I once drilled a hole in my thigh with a power drill.
Broken hand.
Couple of nice concussions.
Ripped off a couple finger-nails.
None of these compare to cracking my pinkie-toe on a piece of furniture.
If we’re counting medical things, Kidney Stones (2 of them 4 months apart) win, hands down. But the most painful thing I ever did to myself was a bone headed mistake that ended up with me getting a handful of liquid propane. I really thought that was land me in the ER, but I got the feeling back in my hand a little while later and the pain was totally gone a few hours after that. But since my skin was all still in tact and the redness went down pretty quickly, I figured I was safe.
I have a friend that cut the tip of his finger off. Then, you know how they put it back on with a pin. Well, he forgot about the pin and welded it to something. He said that was more painful than cutting it off.
