What was the very worst thing you've ever seen cooked?

[Ludovic]

@aruvqan

impromptu balut

I’d see that jam band.

[davidm]

@HeyHomie

Emmy’s sly double entendrees are the best part of her act.

“Lube the shaft.”

“Keep it nice and tight.”

Unless I’m totally oblivious, she only does that rarely. I think I’ve only seen her do it once or twice.

[nightshadea]

@Shodan

Nothing to compare with eating bats or anything, but my dear departed mother in law was a delightful person but not to be trusted anywhere near a kitchen.

Unfortunate culinary experiences at her table are too numerous to mention, and too likely to trigger PSTD, but early in my relationship with the Lovely and Talented Mrs. Shodan I was served a dish that my MIL dreamed up herself. Canned fruit cocktail, lemon pie filling, mixed thoroughly and served on a bed of iceberg lettuce vinaigrette. I was anxious not to offend, so I ate it without comment.

In the car on the way home I asked my then-girlfriend-now-wife what it was called. It had no name, so we christened it Fruit Vomit and so it was referred to between us. I loved my MIL, but Escoffier had nothing to fear from her.

My daughter, when she was four or five, made Rice Krispie bars for us, except she used Fruity Pebbles instead of Rice Krispies and added cinnamon hearts. I managed to eat one and after I managed to pry my jaws apart, which were nearly fused together, to thank her warmly for the effort, before I was sent into diabetic coma from the massive sugar overdose. After she left, I asked my wife what to do - “I can’t eat those things!” My wife said, “Take them to work. Those people will eat anything.” Sure enough - twenty minutes after I put them on the printer table, they were gone. Although I don’t recall anyone asking me to bring anything to any pot lucks for some time afterwards.

Regards,
Shodan

oh wow, i love cereal treats … i like crushed froot loops or fruity pebbles but yeah id leave out the candy hearts tho lol you can buy froot loop and fruity pebble "milk and cereal " like you buy granola bars … but they use an odd milk-like cream substance …

[Alessan]

When I was in the army, we once took a whole chicken, drenched in on orange Fanta, wrapped it in tin foil, dug a hole in the ground, buried it, built a bonfire over it, let it burn a few hours, then put out the fire and dug up the chicken. It was… interesting.

[HeyHomie]

@davidm

Unless I’m totally oblivious, she only does that rarely. I think I’ve only seen her do it once or twice.

That’s the beauty of it! She does it so rarely that when she does, it’s kind of a big deal. It’s particularly fun watching the comments when it happens.

[DesertDog]

@aruvqan

One pair of campers threw a shit fit, saying we were trying to poison them sigh they would have really thrown a shit fit if they saw eggs on our back deck still unwashed [unfertilized, there was no danger of impromptu balut]

Had they been my campmates they would have been instantly invited to rustle up their own damn breakfast. Eggs and cheese are camping staples because they’ll withstand a reasonable amount of abuse without going bad.

[puzzlegal]

That’s an interesting perspective. I have NEVER had real eggs on a camping trip, because they are physically fragile. I wouldn’t worry about an intact egg going bad in a few days, but I would worry enough about it staying intact that I wouldn’t pack it to begin with.

[aruvqan]

@DesertDog

Had they been my campmates they would have been instantly invited to rustle up their own damn breakfast. Eggs and cheese are camping staples because they’ll withstand a reasonable amount of abuse without going bad.

@puzzlegal

That’s an interesting perspective. I have NEVER had real eggs on a camping trip, because they are physically fragile. I wouldn’t worry about an intact egg going bad in a few days, but I would worry enough about it staying intact that I wouldn’t pack it to begin with.

Pennsic is in a campground in western PA, no hiking to get anywhere =) We used to actually take a propane powered chest freezer, when you cook for up to 60 people, it makes it easier to menu plan if you don’t have to sop every day, and can keep ice on hand =)

They were seriously annoying people, young [I think they were both in the 18-20 range] and uber entitled - she was into some go barefoot everywhere no matter what thing, and whinged about it [I love going barefoot, but I accept that one needs footwear going into public places, and anywhere one might step on glass or other detritus, and I certainly don’t whine about having to wear shoes!] And it turns out that they were friends with a pedophile and actually brought him into our camp more than once, and were trying to get he and they invited into being more permanent residents [we had an excellently comfortable and well fed camp - we were all medieval cooks from the Cooks List from Ansteorra from basically the beginning of the list just barely post usenet] Since our numbers included kids ranging from 1 year old to 18, that would have been bad.

[nearwildheaven]

@puzzlegal

That’s an interesting perspective. I have NEVER had real eggs on a camping trip, because they are physically fragile. I wouldn’t worry about an intact egg going bad in a few days, but I would worry enough about it staying intact that I wouldn’t pack it to begin with.

Egg cartons, especially the cardboard ones, are surprisingly tough. Unless you drop them, the eggs should stay intact. Styrofoam, much less so.

[puzzlegal]

I guess all my camping experience has involved shoving all the food into backpacks and hiking somewhere. Eggs aren’t generally included.

[Dung_Beetle]

We have a metal egg carton someone gave us, for just such an occasion. I don’t see us ever actually using it.

[DesertDog]

@puzzlegal

I guess all my camping experience has involved shoving all the food into backpacks and hiking somewhere. Eggs aren’t generally included.

Don’t blame you. My camping was all vehicle-borne.

[maxxy]

My dad insisted the secret to White Castle burgers – the only brand-name fast food he liked – was that they included liver in the mix. He set out to prove it one day.

Only he didn’t have a meat grinder, so whole liver was out. He bought liver sausage (aka braunshweiger). Cut it into slices about a half inch or more thick, then cut those into chunks. Mixed them lightly into the ground meat.

Fried the burgers until they were well and truly dead, as he did all beef. Imagine a regular, if overdone, hamburger. Now imagine pale, smooth patches dotting the surface. Are you picturing a burn victim who has also acquired a fatal skin condition? You’ve got the right image.

It did not taste like White Castle.

[pulykamell]

@maxxy

My dad insisted the secret to White Castle burgers – the only brand-name fast food he liked – was that they included liver in the mix. He set out to prove it one day.

Only he didn’t have a meat grinder, so whole liver was out. He bought liver sausage (aka braunshweiger). Cut it into slices about a half inch or more thick, then cut those into chunks. Mixed them lightly into the ground meat.

Fried the burgers until they were well and truly dead, as he did all beef. Imagine a regular, if overdone, hamburger. Now imagine pale, smooth patches dotting the surface. Are you picturing a burn victim who has also acquired a fatal skin condition? You’ve got the right image.

It did not taste like White Castle.

That’s certainly … interesting. I wonder where he got that notion. There’s nothing really livery about the White Castle burger taste that I’ve noticed. The signature flavor is because it’s steamed over onions (or, to be exact, rehydrated dehydrated onions.) “Oniony” is the first thing I think of when I think White Castle. I suppose maybe he got the idea from liver & onions? And there are certainly cuts of beef that have a more “livery” taste than others, but I’ve never really noticed a liver flavor to them.

[chizzuk]

I love my aunt, but she has some odd tastes. Anything that has any flavor at all is apparently too strong for her. She once made us a meal consisting of baked chicken breasts with absolutely nothing on them. No oil, no salt, no seasoning, nothing. Accompanied by a hunk of iceberg lettuce, also with absolutely nothing else on it or accompanying it, and orange juice that was 1 part juice to 4 parts water. I have never had anything more bland and tasteless in my life. When I asked for salt or salad dressing, I was told that there was none in the house. And I believed it.

[puzzlegal]

@DesertDog

Don’t blame you. My camping was all vehicle-borne.

Ah. Sure, bring along some eggs. They keep well.

@chizzuk

I love my aunt, but she has some odd tastes. Anything that has any flavor at all is apparently too strong for her. She once made us a meal consisting of baked chicken breasts with absolutely nothing on them. No oil, no salt, no seasoning, nothing. Accompanied by a hunk of iceberg lettuce, also with absolutely nothing else on it or accompanying it, and orange juice that was 1 part juice to 4 parts water. I have never had anything more bland and tasteless in my life. When I asked for salt or salad dressing, I was told that there was none in the house. And I believed it.

Did the breasts have skin and bones, or was that just white meat? Because personally, I like a nice roast chicken part, and the cooked skin gives it a lot of flavor, imo.

[chizzuk]

@puzzlegal

Ah. Sure, bring along some eggs. They keep well.

Did the breasts have skin and bones, or was that just white meat? Because personally, I like a nice roast chicken part, and the cooked skin gives it a lot of flavor, imo.

The memory has blurred a bit, but I don’t think it had skin. It was very dry.

[banjopatterson]

Pork entrails soup in the Lao PDR.
I thought the round things in it were squid rings and scoffed straight in.
Bleeeah.

Another time I had fresh blood (pork?) with chilli, peanuts and coriander. that actually wasn’t too bad.

[salinqmind]

@pulykamell

That’s certainly … interesting. I wonder where he got that notion. There’s nothing really livery about the White Castle burger taste that I’ve noticed. The signature flavor is because it’s steamed over onions (or, to be exact, rehydrated dehydrated onions.) “Oniony” is the first thing I think of when I think White Castle. I suppose maybe he got the idea from liver & onions? And there are certainly cuts of beef that have a more “livery” taste than others, but I’ve never really noticed a liver flavor to them.

I had a little booklet of ‘copycat recipes’ one was for make-at-home White Castle burgers. The recipe said to use very finely ground hamburger mixed with: a jar of Gerber Beef baby food! Yes! I don’t recall the portions, I could look it up …mix this, flatten small dollops on a sheet of wax paper on a cookie sheet. Put in the freezer for a few minutes - don’t let them freeze! take them out and poke holes in the little bitty hamburger/baby food patties with a fork. Put back in the freezer for just another few minutes to firm up…while you are waiting , pour some hot water over dehydrated onions…when it’s time to cook, well, heat up some oil, put the burgers in the pan, salt and pepper, cook briefly, flip, sprinkle with dehydrated onion, cook a bit more…Slider rolls they sell now are perfect. Back when this recipe was written, they said to just trim down regular hamburger buns to fit with scissors…top with a couple of pickle slices, and there are your copycat White Castle burgers.

[pulykamell]

I actually have heard the baby food recipe before.