What was your own Buddha Moment like?

[kaiwik]

[hijack] My father was raised by a very evil man, my grandfather, who was in turn raised by his evil father, who was raised by his evil father, and that’s how far back I have traced it. That branch of my family were slave owners and members of the KKK. Sadly, my brothers followed the teachings we were subject to as children, and have been/may still be active in Aryan Activism. After 30 years of no contact I am gingerly attempting to have a relationship with my father now, I am 47 and he is 69, I am married to a Native Alaskan and we have two children together, and he seems to be dealing with it. Living 1,500 miles away from him I don’t have any worries, anyway.

The horrors of my childhood were multiple and divers, I just haven’t shared too much with the boards as of yet. It’s difficult yet cathartic to put a little piece of it out there. [/hijack]

[Beaucarnea]

@Jaochai

For me, an actual Buddhist (though not the fashionable kind), I would have to say that my ultimate Buddhist moment was after my brother died, and I was stuck having to talk to my father. Understand that my brother and I were never particularly close to each other (I found out later that he was adopted, but my parents never told me and they still don’t know that I know), and I was kind of emotionally blank.

Having to talk to my father and discuss the fact that my brother had just shot himself all over our veranda was extremely difficult, mainly because he was fighting back tears and I just couldn’t bring myself to have any kind of reaction. My brother had suffered terribly, my parents were suffering terribly, all kinds of relatives and people I’d never met before were showing up and suffering terribly (or sucking up to my father), and I just wasn’t feeling it. I had no desire, and no desire lead to no suffering. Namu tassa bhagavado arahato sama-sambuddhasa.

I understand your quiet reaction and sentiment, Jaochai. Many of us are thankful for his teachings.

[Beaucarnea]

@kaiwik

[hijack] My father was raised by a very evil man, my grandfather, who was in turn raised by his evil father, who was raised by his evil father, and that’s how far back I have traced it. That branch of my family were slave owners and members of the KKK. Sadly, my brothers followed the teachings we were subject to as children, and have been/may still be active in Aryan Activism. After 30 years of no contact I am gingerly attempting to have a relationship with my father now, I am 47 and he is 69, I am married to a Native Alaskan and we have two children together, and he seems to be dealing with it. Living 1,500 miles away from him I don’t have any worries, anyway.

The horrors of my childhood were multiple and divers, I just haven’t shared too much with the boards as of yet. It’s difficult yet cathartic to put a little piece of it out there. [/hijack]

**
kaiwik**, the stories you related are horrific to me, and yet you seem to me the most calm and gentle man. If you do decide to share more, please include an explanation as to how you arrived at such a peaceful place.

[kaiwik]

@beaucarnea

kaiwik, the stories you related are horrific to me, and yet you seem to me the most calm and gentle man. If you do decide to share more, please include an explanation as to how you arrived at such a peaceful place.

Thank you, it has been a very long road, what I have just spoken of is but the tip of the iceberg. Another poster (not in this thread) has recently laid some of her soul bare, and while my soul ached to read it I was impressed with her ability to open the locked doors and let some of the secrets out. As has Sampiro in the riviting stories he has posted, and I am feeling that perhaps there is something to be said about writing as a catharsis. I will work on that.

To sum up how I happened to get to the place where the insanity hasn’t warped me, that’s a mighty long tale with many twists and turns. Mostly I think that trying my hardest to treat others the way I would like to be treated, and to leave the judging to the God I believe in are the two strongest motivators I have to keep me from becoming all crusty and calloused. There is so much more I could write, but I don’t want to completely hijack GuyNblueJeans thread, so I will open a new thread when I have written some specifics.

Oh, and I am a woman btw!

[GuyNblueJeans]

kaiwik, please, by all means, HIJACK the dang thread!

You’re an amazing lady and we can all learn something from you!

Sampiro – thanks for sharing all of that, buddy! You’ve been through some crap too, but, I gotta say, I’d not throw God out of your life, as none of us know the full picture of things and the kinds of tough choices God has to make in order to get the highest number of souls into Heaven!! (Please don’t anyone flame me for saying that, I’m too tired to deal with it. Thanks!)

[GuyNblueJeans]

@hotflungwok

I don’t know if there was an exact moment, but I realized this very early, probably around 3rd grade. I couldn’t reconcile the Christian teaching we were receiving with the behavior of the Christian children around me. I followed all these rules, why didn’t they? Why was it ok for them to torment me damn near constantly and call themselves Christian? How come the adults, who always insisted we go to them with our problems instead of trying to solve them ourselves, never bothered to do anything about it? ‘All people are jerks unless it suits them not to be’ became my philosophy for a long time.

I know what you mean. I had foster parents that used me for a punching bag for 7-years and to this day I’m still trying to get their putdowns out of my psyche 34-years later.

But I gotta say that even though they did a number on me, I know in my heart that they were still God-fearing people that still count as far as the Lord is concerned. For myself, I can’t toss out the baby (i.e. Jesus) with the bath water, as He’s the only one that can save me from myself. (Sorry if that sounds a little too personal, but that’s how I feel.)

Some kids are just naturally mean, sad to say.

[Beaucarnea]

@kaiwik

Thank you, it has been a very long road, what I have just spoken of is but the tip of the iceberg. Another poster (not in this thread) has recently laid some of her soul bare, and while my soul ached to read it I was impressed with her ability to open the locked doors and let some of the secrets out. As has Sampiro in the riviting stories he has posted, and I am feeling that perhaps there is something to be said about writing as a catharsis. I will work on that.

To sum up how I happened to get to the place where the insanity hasn’t warped me, that’s a mighty long tale with many twists and turns. Mostly I think that trying my hardest to treat others the way I would like to be treated, and to leave the judging to the God I believe in are the two strongest motivators I have to keep me from becoming all crusty and calloused. There is so much more I could write, but I don’t want to completely hijack GuyNblueJeans thread, so I will open a new thread when I have written some specifics.

Oh, and I am a woman btw!

And a strong, peaceful woman as well. Sorry for misunderstanding.

I feel strongly that we can learn from your experiences, especially lessons about letting go of the fear and bitterness learned from shame and abuse. So many people can’t get out of their own way and make progress because of wallowing in remembrance of past hurts. Please share when you can.