What went wrong on *your* wedding day?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

My in-law’s were supposed to pick the cake up from the bakery and put it in the back of the car my FIL’s Ford Bronco. He was backing the truck out of the garage with the hatch door flipped up, something he’d done thousands of times with NO PROBLEM whatsoever. This particular day, however, the rear windshield wiper catches on the edge of the garage door, shattering the window. Uh oh. Problem. There is shattered glass all over the cake, which was thankfully still encased in its protective boxes. They shuffled it around, eventually ending up with the cake in my MIL’s car, a spacious Buick sedan. When they arrive at the church, hubby asks why they are in the Buick and not the truck as planned. MIL says she will tell him later and they unload the cake with the help of my brother-in-law Roger. When they un-box the cake in the reception hall of the church to set it up, the bottom layer cracks into 2 pieces and falls apart. MIL is understandably upset and, being the perfectionist she is, begins to wig out. My stepsister Carol is a former cake decorator and makes an emergency run to the local Albertson’s to buy more icing from them and reconstructs the cake with icing and plastic coffee stirrers thiefed from the church kitchen. I knew NONE of this until afterwards.

That’s only the beginning. During the ceremony, there is a portion where hubby and I walk up ONTO the altar area and my maid of honor (my kid sister) is supposed to gently lift my train and place it behind me. Instead my sister picks it up and kind of tosses behind and to one side of me and it lands with an audible thunk on the tile floor, which was so loud it was even picked up on the video.

Also…there was more than one video camera set up…my stepfather’s and my stepbrother Perry’s. My stepdad’s was set up to one side of the party but Perry had to put his BEHIND the minister so he could get all of our faces. He is also a videofreak. He kept moving around back there fiddling with his camera and at one point the assistant pastor went up and told him to leave the camera alone or he’d be kicked out.:smack:

Afterwards, when we were taking pictures, one of my flower girls runs up to her mom and says “My earring is gone!”. She’s wearing the little clip on ones and her mom is crawling around trying to find it. I move over one step to get out of her way and hear a crunch beneath my heel. It’s her earring.:rolleyes:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Weddings are nothing but organized chaos.:rolleyes:

IDBB

42

The Priest (who knew I was dragged kicking & screaming those pre-marital counseling sessions) really didn’t like me or my opinions. Upon learning my Bachelor Party was the night before the wedding, he told me. “On your wedding day, If I so much as get the faintest whiff of beer, I’ll call off the ceremony. Inconvenience be damned.” So much for the stereotype of the jolly Irish Priest with the red nose

In the back rectory room just before the ceremony, I did my best rap star / WBA world heavyweight champ impersonation. I instructed my posse (in their rented tuxes and those God-awful patent leather shoes) to keep me surrounded at all times. Fr. Donahue was to be kept at least 2 arms lengths away until he announced, “you may kiss the bride”.

There was one problem with my poorly-conceived, deputized bodyguard plan. Most of my ushers were good Catholic boys and Donahue knew it. The moment it was announced my future old-lady’s limo had arrived out front, the man I’d just tipped $250 to officiate my wedding told me he wanted to smell my breath.

“Please ask these big oxes to move aside and step forward for a moment please, John.”

“Sorry Father, can’t do that. My knees are shaking and they’re helping to hold me up,” was all I could muster.

“MOVE, NOW!” was all he had to say. Spreading his arms like Charlton Heston in the Ten Commandments, these 1/2 dozen 6 foot plus tall goons made way and provided a passage as wide as the Red Sea.

I started perspiring the second I opened my mouth to comply with the breath test. A million thoughts and almost as many alibis raced through my mind as I took a deep breath to do the obligatory huhkhh-huhkhh. I was fucked. Cornered like a rat with no escape. As Donahue’s face drew closer to mine time seemed to slow, my vision blurred, and I was starting to feel dizzy. In the matter of a millisecond my knees grew weak & my dizzyness became nauseousness. Thankfully, the butterflies swarming in my stomach blocked any vomit from spewing up.

I couldn’t think straight, let alone stand. Here I am, dripping with sweat, white as a ghost and unable to move as these two huge nostrils got closer and closer. I realized I was powerless to prevent him from cancelling my wedding the moment his gray nose hairs came into view. I did the only thing I could. I put my arm around the back of his neck and kissed him square on the mouth.

43

Ugh, my past catches up with me once again. Time to change my user name and relurk.

I didn’t make a toast at the reception either <shakes his head in dismay>.

44

For my first wedding…I got married.

(Happily married now to someone else).

45

Actually, very little went wrong on my wedding day. In fact, everything was great until we were leaving the reception hall. Two friends of ours were helping put our suitcases in the trunk of the taxi taking us to our hotel. I noticed something falling out of one of the suitcases and reached in to get it…unfortunately, my friend didn’t see me doing that, and slammed the trunk lid on my head. Fortunately, I wasn’t hurt, somehow.

The disasterous marriage more than made up for the relatively flawless wedding day.

46

I had planned an outdoor wedding to be held at my house. About a week before the wedding, the forecast came in that a storm was coming.

Uh… HELLO? This was a May wedding (just last month!) and I live in LOS ANGELES. It doesn’t rain in L.A.! Everyone knows that!

But, to be on the safe side, we ended up renting tents and --boy-- was I happy I did. It poured the morning of the wedding. So, things were a bit soggy, but not horrible come the time of the ceremony.

Still, I would have liked to have saved that $800 I had to spend on those tents.

The second thing that went wrong is my Father In Law. Now, my husband (justplainbryan here on the boards) and I have been together for 5 years before we got ourselves hitched, and I have known that my FIL was an ass.

I guess I just believe in the good in people, because I had thought if there was a day he’d behave himself, it would have been for his son’s wedding. Right after the ceremony, he holed himself up at the bar with his cronies, doing shots of tequila, and just generally being loud and obnoxious. He was rude to my family, rude to my friends (especially the one who came to help cater the event), and the ‘best’ part…

When it came time for us to cut the cake, he switches on his karaoke machine full blast and drunkenly starts to sing. Painfully bad singing.

He also later had the balls to demand that my husband and I go and clean up the kitchen (he later retracted that he ‘was worried about leaving the food out’ but we know what he said the first time around). I got to spend a good part of my wedding night cleaning the kitchen and fighting with my FIL until my friends (gods bless 'em) kicked me out of the kitchen so I could go to bed.
And in rereading this, man… I sound like a whiney bitch.

I’ll tell you one thing though, the most important thing was that I was marrying Bryan, and that was worth it all. All that other stuff… well, it was annoying, but it’s something that I’ll be able to laugh about one day. :smiley:

47

The minister at my oldest brother’s wedding had a spitting problem when speaking, which almost caused hysterical giggles in the bride and groom. Luckily, as a bridesmaid, I was off center from the shower.

During the vows another brother told his bride, “With this wing I thee wed.” My soon-to-be SIL’s eyes got real big and she made a little choking noise.

Weddings are fun!

48

I dropped the ring

49

  1. I put his ring on the wrong hand. Didn’t notice it til we got to the receiving line at which point his hand was so swollen he couldn’t get it off.

  2. My flower girl decided at the last minute that she wanted flowers instead of the bubbles I had planned on. Her mom had to run to Walmart to buy a basket and petals.

  3. My bridesmaid from out of town didn’t have anywhere to stay the night after the wedding, so we offered her the other half of our suite. About two hours after checking in, hotel staff was knocking saying they gave us that suite my mistake, kicked us out of the other half. Bridesmaid ended up sleeping on the floor next to our bed.

  4. Groomsman decided to play Eminem repeatedly at the reception. Many older relatives were offended.

  5. During the Father-Daughter dance, I talked Hubby into dancing with my Mom. When Mom suggested we switch partners, Hubby grabbed Dad and danced with him!

Not to mention I almost forgot the flowers, Mom had to buy a new cake at the last minute, and my hair stylist showed no previous signs of being stuck in 1986.

It was the most perfect, beautiful day ever!

50

Which one? I’ve had three strikes.

At the first one, we were both too young. She’s a good person and deserved better than she got from the 19 year old shithead I used to be.

And for the third one, it turned out I was marrying a junkie who managed to keep it hidden from me for several years.

But the second one was the worst. I married the Bitch From Hell ™. It lasted 19 months. I found out later that she was screwing my best friend from about month 4 onward. She took me for damn near everything I had except my eyeteeth.

Gah…it’s been 24 years since I got rid of her and I still want to barf…

51

Let me count the ways!

We can start with the usual “MIL with pouty, ‘that evil woman is stealing my pweshus baby’ look,” and to this day (nearly 12 years later) she’s convinced that we’re not REALLY married because the wedding wasn’t pink :confused: and because my dress was, in addition to being a more informal, 1920’s-ish style, ivory instead of true white-white. Oh, and I didn’t wear a veil, just a comb with flowers. And don’t get me started about the name-change game - Mr. Kat’s last name is the same as a then-prominent politician, and I made the mistake of cracking a joke along the lines of how “I need to wait til after the next election to see if it’s going to be a good thing to be an XYZ or not.”

Out of habit, I reached up to wipe the lipstick smudge after the kiss, which the photographer, after claiming to be familiar with the Episcopalian rite, missed.

After requesting no children at the wedding, we still had idiot wife of one of the groomsmen decide to not only bring her two vile spawn, but just for fun, some of their neighbor kids, too, none of whom had apparently ever been taught to behave like anything but howler monkeys on crack. We got married in a chapel that seated 50 at the most, so the noise couldn’t be masked. One of them, after forcing herself into the bouquet toss and taking it out of the hands of the legit catcher, tried to extort money from my mother for us to use it for some more pics.

Not realizing that a punch bowl wasn’t standard equipment (so I didn’t think to specify), imagine my shock to see a giant, butt-ugly fountain spewing red Kool-Aid when I came into the reception. We’d asked for a lemonade-ish punch. :eek:

Found out Mr. Kat’s ring hadn’t been sized properly when a fly with a jones for Mr. Kat entered the car - had the windows been down just a touch more, we’d probably still be looking for it today.

52

I didn’t have a wedding. My husband wants to wait till we’re back in the US (2006) to have one, saying it’s ok to just get married officially without a ceremony because “that’s all marriage is, anyway.”

I want a wedding. We never said any vows because the way they do it in japan (legally) is about as momentous as getting a drivers’ liscence. He at least said vows with his 1st wife. I want vows. I want a small ceremony. I had to ask for a ring and didnt get one till almost a year later.

: (

Thursday is my 1st anniversary.

53

We had a horrible winter storm a day before the wedding. Snow, ice, power outage and all. We had to rent a motel room to take showers. Quite a few people showed up, but most could not make it.

It was fun sliding down the street on the ice in my slick shiny shoes though. Thats what happens with a rushed wedding. We should have waited until june. Feburary was kind of kooky.

54

Hell, by the time we came in from taking pictures, the food (and drink) was all gone. :slight_smile:

55

Oh yeah, I forgot about that. We didn’t have a receiving line, opting instead to go around and talk to everyone at their tables at the reception. By the time we got back to our table, our food was gone and the buffet was cleared.

56

Oh yeah, I forgot about that. We didn’t have a receiving line, opting instead to go around and talk to everyone at their tables at the reception. By the time we got back to our table, our food was gone and the buffet was cleared.

Plus we’d bought our alcohol on consignment, and the bartender provided by the caterers opened all of the alcohol bottles, even duplicate bottles of the exact same spirit, same brand and everything. My husband wrote out the check to them minus the cost of the hard liquor. When the caterer balked at the “wrong” amount, he showed them the bar area and pointed out all the needlessly open bottles. To the caterer’s credit, she nodded and accepted the check without complaint after that.

57

You’ll have to forgive me if I shamelessly steal this phrase.

58

Slipped over in the bath, and spent the 6 weeks prior to the big day with my jaw wired. Consultant at the hospital didn’t want to unwire for another week. Explained I was getting married on Saturday and wasn’t keen to say my vows through gritted teeth, or to look like I had metal teeth in all the pictures. He said ‘That’s nice dear, but another week is what I said, and another week it will be.’ Had a major hissy fit, and it was unwired that day. The wedding video shows me constantly licking my lips like a nervous lizard. A very thin nervous lizard.

Turned up at the church for the rehearsal the afternoon before the big day, no Vicar. Managed to get hold of a nervous Curate, who announced that the Vicar was away on holiday, and that there was no mention of our wedding in the diary. He got all giddy and excited, thinking that maybe his time had come early, and with much 'phoning around, thought he was well on his way to getting special dispensation from the Bishop of Guildford to perform the ceremony although he wasn’t yet qualified. The Bishop was having none of it, and managed to track down a spare Vicar.

Said spare Vicar was also leader of a Boy Scout troop, and was in the middle of a Boy Scout Weekend Jamboree. He tore himself away from the Scouts long enough to perform the ceremony a lightning spped. He was still wearing his Boy Scout uniform under his cassock. None of the hymns we had planned, no church organist, no bell ringers but we did have a marriage certificate, and thats what it was all about.

59

We had to clean up our hall before we left, too, but it turned out to be almost the most fun part of the whole day. Just my maid-of-honour, my sisters and various husbands/boyfriends and my mom were left at that part, so we did a whirlwind cleaning job with plenty-o-wine. This is Jim’s introduction to my family; sitting around a community hall kitchen at 3 in the morning, my sisters and mom and I drinking wine right out of the bottle, singing, laughing, and having a great time. Welcome to the family, honey!

60

I. Got. Married.
Now ask me about the party on divorce day. :smiley: