Straight or pencil skirts - I have wide hips that flow from a narrow waist. All this skirt/dress cut does is make my hips look even bigger, or go straight down from the widest part which makes me look big.
Capri pants - very few women actually look good in them, and few more look decent. My legs are on the short side and I don’t need them to look shorter.
Gauchos - see above
Long skirts - see above
Turtlenecks - I have a rather ample chest area. All turtlenecks do is increase the area in an unflattering, matronly way.
Long shirts - if the shirt hits any lower than upper-hip, it gives the same look as the straight skirts do: CAUTION - WIDE LOAD. Heh.
The colors orange, yellow (minus a few select shades) and brown - I look like shit in them. I’m whiter than white and need nice jewel tones or occasional softer colors to look nice.
The most important thing about clothing I’ve learned is: just because you like the idea of the item or love it on the mannequin doesn’t mean you should wear it. I love some longer skirts. They’re so pretty and flirty (when cut properly). On me? I’m way too short to wear them and I look stumpy. Every woman who’s told me “oh, don’t worry about that! If you like it, wear it!” has usually looked frumpy/fat/shitty in the clothes they’re wearing. Hello?
Uh, forgive the ineptitude, but what’s wrong with khakis exactly? They seem to work OK for me, but maybe I’m naive (or maybe it has something to do with the eponymous footwear). And black Dockers just feel right.
For my part, I don’t wear anything mesh-y (except over something not-mesh-y if I like it enough otherwise). Jeans are Levi’s 501s; all others are shallow imitations. No jackboots with jeans; I’m not a f*cking cowboy wannabe. Work boots, sure.
Nothing beige. Beige is for boring suburban walls and carpets in new homes.
I can’t do pink. And similar friends of the color pink, in the Easter color range. Some guys can wear these colors but I don’t know how. Maybe if I was leisure class and owned a sail boat and I could combine those colors with fishing hats and boat shoes.
Sweatpants in public. I mean, come on, people will see you in those if you’re not in the gym.
I can’t wear anything white or very light, because quite simply, I will just ruin it without even trying. I was a messy kid too.
Camo. I’m not in the miliary, I don’t hunt, and I’m not trying to blend in to the wilderness.
As has been mentioned, any 80s retro fashions meant for the twentysomething crowd.
Nothing beige. Beige is for boring suburban walls and carpets in new homes.
I can’t do pink. And similar friends of the color pink, in the Easter color range. Some guys can wear these colors but I don’t know how. Maybe if I was leisure class and owned a sail boat and I could combine those colors with fishing hats and boat shoes.
Sweatpants in public. I mean, come on, people will see you in those if you’re not in the gym.
I can’t wear anything white or very light, because quite simply, I will just ruin it without even trying. I was a messy kid too.
Camo. I’m not in the miliary, I don’t hunt, and I’m not trying to blend in to the wilderness.
As has been mentioned, any 80s retro fashions meant for the twentysomething crowd.
I don’t have a problem with khakis/chinos. They don’t bother me. I don’t wear them that often, but I have a few pair from banana republic and jcrew that I bust out a few times a year.
As for Dockers, well, they stand for everything I hate–bland, suburban-wear lacking style and imagination. Blech.
I don’t have a problem with khakis if you’re a Mr. but I dislike them on women. To me they symbolize the worst of bland, unflattering unisex wear, especially when paired with a polo short. Very few women can pull off khaki pants without looking like either a Blockbuster employee or their husbands on casual Friday. Although I’m thinking Urbanchic probably rocks the khakis.
And, of course, that’s just my opinion and if you like khakis, go ahead and wear them. But, just remember, there are a lot of much more flattering alternatives out there. And wouldn’t you look prettier if you just pulled your hair back from your face and would it kill you to put on a little lipstick?
No spaghetti straps, and pant hems must hit the floor. I’m another of the stubby-legged population. I’m also short-waisted, so I go for tailored shirts with low rise flares (or boot cut). Add heels and it all balances out.
I’m a sucker though for a really nice neckline. I have a great decolletage.
I don’t wear skirts so much. I’m self-conscious of my legs (I have dark hair from hell) and my transport is on two wheels 80 percent of the time anyways.
I can wear almost any color as long as I stay away from pastels. Most of my wardrobe is black and green, though.
For me, most no-nos revolve around heat. For some reason, I have a HIGH internal temperature.
For that reason, I hate:
[ul]
[li]Turtlenecks. I have little “neck” as it is, and I like it to be free.[/li][li]Neckties. I have to wear them frequently for work, butI don’t have to like them![/li][li]Heavy sweaters. It’s a pity, because I have two of those nice Aran sweaters from my Kilkenny cousins, but I immediately pass out from heat exhaustion when I wear them.[/li][li]Undershirts. I HATE wearing undershirts. This leads to probems with pitting, so I force myself to wear them with nice dress shirts and polos.[/li][/ul]
No-one should ever wear a brown suit. Muddy is not the way to look sharp and business-like.
And I like the tasseled loafers.
Last thing. My wife has been trying to get me away from the checked/plaid oxford shirts, and I’m resisting. She’s tossed all of my nice flannel shirts (OK, two of them, but it still hurts!), and she’s trying to convert me to those thin merino/cashmere sweaters that require an undershirt .
Just Halloween, or maybe a murder mystery party. Once I went as “Prom Date from Hell” and that necessitated high heels. It was a b*tch wearing them through the cemetery.
Ooh, yes. I don’t wear collared shirts because my neck is fat and stumpy-looking enough. But I respectfully differ on the brown suit issue, as a chocolate brown or brown tweedy suit can look all right.
I’d say Pucci does Palm Beach, but yeah, same audience. Even if I liked the style, the fact that Lilly Pulitzer is the chosen garment of the super-rich turns me off. And as anyrose said, they have the prices to match. Ugh.
My preferences:
No orange (except for a subtle peach), no yellow.
No neon-level hues.
No dresses or skirts except when unavoidable.
No pantyhose unless unavoidable.
No tanned skin.
No capris, no gauchos, no culottes, no skorts.
No thongs.
No going without a bra.
No wild/obnoxious/large patterns. No paisley, no polka dots.
No Burberry plaid.
No noticeable logos of any kind, especially in a purse pattern.
No low-cut tops.
No acrylic sweaters.
No spike heels, preferably no heels at all.
Nothing that’s so trendy it’ll look laughable by the next season; I shop infrequently enough that I look for more classic pieces whenever possible.
Anything with a corporate logo.
Synthetic fibers.*
Skirts short enough to show knees.
Tops low enough to show cleavage.
Gaucho pants, of course.
Anything that looks like it might fall apart after one washing.
*My mom is a professional quilter and so of course works with fabric constantly. She’s really sensitive to fabric quality and when I was a kid, I wasn’t allowed to have anything made of polyester, no matter how much I begged. So of course, I grew up to be a horrible fabric snob. I did buy a beautiful dress made of polyester to wear to a black tie wedding in 2004, and naturally the first thing my mom asked when she saw it was “what’s it made of?” Me: “Polyesterdon’tlookatmelikethat! Ispenttenhourstryingondresses!” She let me live.
I will not wear tight clothing. It makes me bulge out and is just plain uncomfortable.
I cannot wear a lot of yellow or orange; they make me look like I have jaundice.
I will not wear a thong.
I trip in flip-flops. I can’t handle high heels either.
