I know that suicide is not supposed to be funny. Occasionally, however, you hear about people who kill themselves in the stupidest ways and you can’t help but laugh. I get the Darwin Awards newsletter in my e-mail every week. This is one of the stories I got today:
*GUN SAFETY TRAINING – 2000 Darwin Award Runner-Up
28 February 2000, Texas
A Houston man earned a succinct lesson in gun safety when he played Russian roulette with a .45-caliber semiautomatic pistol. Rashaad, nineteen, was visiting friends when he announced his intention to play the deadly game. He apparently did not realize that a semiautomatic pistol,
unlike a revolver, automatically inserts a cartridge into the firing chamber when the gun is cocked. His chance of winning a round of Russian roulette was zero, as he quickly discovered.
Lupe Velez was a film actress from the 20s, 30s and 40s, who was known as the Mexican Spitfire. Anyway, more than anything, Lupe wanted to be remembered. Since no one was remembering her because of her films, she decided she was going to be remembered because of her suicide. She had everything planned… gown, makeup, the position she’d be found in… everything.
However, the overdose of pills she took didn’t go well with her final meal…
They found her the next morning, dead, with her head in the toilet bowl. She did, however, get her wish, but not in the way she wanted…
That’s auto-erotic asphyxiation. People think it makes the orgasm better, but they’re realy getting slightly high from the lack of oxygen (before they pass out and die, of course.)
There are quite a few cases of people dying from hanging themselves when they whack off.
What about the guy in Poland who was drunk off his ass and decapitated himself, in an attempt to prove his manliness?
On the DAs, there were a group of farmers, sitting around a camp fire, arguing over who was more manly than whom.
Well, one guy took a chain saw and hacked off his foot.
Another guy, not to be undone, said, “Oh yeah? Watch this?”
He swung the chainsaw around, hacking his own head off…
Thanks for the update, Arnold. I was kinda wondering myself. I first heard about it on Fraiser, and then confirmed it on IMDB. I also checked out snopes, just to be sure, but there was no mention of it there.
Eve (if you’re out there),
Is there any documentation somewhere debunking this one?
I read a newspaper article about a guy who got killed by a porta-toilet: It was at the top of a high rise that was being built, and a gust of wind pushed the toilet over the edge.
I also read about a group of soccor players who were having a memorial service for one of the players who had died. several of them were climbing a goal post to afix a wreath, and the post topled, crushing them.
I guess the funniest suicide I can imagine would be either to dip yourself in antipersperant then excersize, or get a hammer with a rubber cap on one end, then hit a table so that the hammer bounces off and hits you in the forehead, then bounces off the table, then bounces off your forehead, ect.
A friend of mine told me that a man and a woman were travelling cross-country on a promotional tour for Cracker Barrel restaurants and at one of the stops the Cracker Barrel sign fell on their car, crushing them…
Suicide method: put on headphones attached to a stereo plugged into the wall with the CD of hte Hamster Dance song on repeat, then handcuff yourself arm and leg to a low-backed chair in the center of the room. (Gotta be a low-backed, if it’s high-backed you might knock the headphones off your ears in a Hamster Dance-induced seizure.) Swallow the handcuff keys
I heard about this guy who had a toothache and went out with his friends and got really pissed. He bet them that he could get the tooth out by shooting it. He mis-aimed and shot the front of his face off.
Now I come to think about it, that really isnt that funny
I know suicide isn’t funny. I’ve had a friend who committed suicide. I’ve also had a close relative that committed suicide, they were both very heart breaking occurrences.
However, I’m not asking about people who’ve committed suicide. I’m asking “If you were going to commit suicide, and wanted it to be funny, or at least memorable, how would you go about it?”
I actually planned a ha-ha suicide once. It was
the dead of a very cold winter, and my life was
hell. I decided I was going to take a bus to a
very isolated spot in Maine, get some wine, and
start walking and drinking. I had an image of how
long it would take them to find me, and how they
would never i.d. me. At the time, it seemed
hilarious.
I did at that time drink a liter bottle of wine
and eat two pounds of chocolate at one sitting.
I was very sick the next day.
Having 1) attempted suicide, 2) been hospitalized for such attempt, and 3) being currently under the care of professionals to prevent such occurrences in the future, I realize that suicide is not a humorous event.
However, having said that, my current favorite funny method would be to lube my head and stick it up an elephant’s ass, thereby suffocating myself.
