I’m going to make this my grave marker.
Actually, the OP was inspired by this series from Naga’s Den (NSFW):
http://www.nagasden.com/commissions13.html and click on each page from The Posing
I don’t know what I would say as I haven’t been in that situation yet, but I’m sure I’d say something very pithy and funny.
Could I have a Golden Needle?