What would happen if Cecil got banned?

I was talking with a fellow Doper earlier tongiht, and I mentioned that I’d had a weird dream yesterday. Among other things, it involved my sister having babies (she’d had babies before, but they’d died… “AIYA! Crazy premonition!” she told me when I inforned her of this part of my dream later), influences from both the Outlander series and The Thorn Birds, vicious hockey fights (crosschecks from behind with a hockey stick, anyone?), friends, and zev_steinhardt getting banned from the SDMB (why? I no longer remember the reason…). :eek:

This last one worried me a little bit, as I’ve always liked his posts. Imagine my relief on getting up this morning, checking the board, and discovering that he was still a member in good standing here. I was telling this person about all that, and she wondered what it would be like if Uncle Cecil Adams, The Perfect Master himself got banned. :eek: I replied that it would be… somewhat interesting… seeing as he was the impetus behind the whole Straight Dope empire. After that, we went on to discuss other topics.

That set me to wondering, though… what would happen if Cecil were ever to get banned? Not that I think it would ever happen by any stretch of the imagination, but what do you think? (it’s too late in the day now for me to post any substantial ideas… but maybe the SDMB would be VERY rife with speculation as to why he got banned from his own MB… Ed Zotti might certainly have something to say on the subject, as well)

Note: I am definitely NOT advocating that Cecil be banned… nor do I wish this to be the case. This is merely an exercise in imagination and creativity… one of those “what-if” scenarios, if you will. It’s meant in a light-hearted spirit, and I hope others will take it as such.


I think it’s pretty obvious that all of creation would instantly cease to exist, kind of like if Loki and Bartleby would’ve gotten back into heaven.

Y’know, Cecil is a bit of a jerk, and jerkisim is a bannable offence, so I reckon he should be struck-off the StraightDope list.



That’d be like excommunicating Jesus.

I’m with Cisco. Banning Cecil would cause a terminal rip in the space-time continuum causing all reality to be sucked into itself in a surprising un-enjoyable experience resulting in oblivion. This would please some of our resident Atheists no end, but quite literally annoy the hell out of some of the Christians! Note that Atheists are not encourage to try this to try to prove themselves right. :wink:


It could seriously muck up the seating arrangements at the Restaurant at the End Of The Universe.


How dare you! Talk all you want about this being an “exercise in imagination and creativity.” I don’t buy it for a second. I know the truth, Flamsterette_X!

You want to hack the user database, become a psuedo admin, and ban Cecil. That, of course, is why you’re trying to figure out what would happen. You want to see if something like this would threaten some of your other, more sinister plans.

You don’t fool me for a second.
Don’t listen to the Blasphemer, Uncle Cecil. She’s just trying to get a rise out of you.

You’re kidding, right?

This could be the stupidest post I have ever seen. Perhaps we should shoot it.

I think the question is interesting; I mean this messageboard is tailored toward Cecil and it would be incredibly odd if he got banned.

What if Cecil started posting porn sites, verbally abusing members, and the like? Would the Mods be helpless?

Well, he does have “Perfect Master” under his name. Not like the likes of us, who have to put up with “Member” or maybe “Moderator” or perhaps “Administrator.”

Replacing “Perfect Master” with “BANNED” - now that’s sacrilege.

[Raven is skirting round the whole hole-in-space-time-continuum-issue]

Well, I would think sovereign immunity would make such a thing impossible…but if it could happen, his title would be replaced with “Perfect Bastard”.

Yeah, about like that. Flamsterette_X, put a little THOUGHT into your posts before pressing the <submit> button, OK? Sure, we have a new server and all, but bandwidth is still a limited resource. Let’s not waste it on utterly stupid speculations.


Thank you, pravnik, I had no idea I could summon up such a good laugh so early in the morning.

I figured all the mods would start melting like the witch from The Wizard of Oz.

How about, “I think I would be able to see my brain if I spun my eyes around in their sockets”?

Not to argue with you, Lynn, but how exactly is this thread any worse than a hundred others that are completely pointless, i.e. this —


I think the topic is indeed pointless, yet also amusing because of the very paradox it proposes. What’s wrong with making a little joke?

Gee, Flamsterette_X, I don’t know what to think:

On the one hand, Flamsterette_X thinking I’d been banned from the boards is bad.

On the other hand, I wasn’t banned from the boards.

On the other hand, why would dream that I’d been banned from the boards.

On the other hand, the thought of me led her to think of the Perfect Master, so that’s good.

On the other hand, it was the thought of my banishment that did so. I don’t want to be banished.

On the other hand…on the other hand… THERE IS NO OTHER HAND!


Zev Steinhardt

Well this seems pretty mundane and pointless, it seems to be in the right place. Am I missing something?

Thanks, zev.

Now I’ll be speaking yiddish for a week. Every time I’m exposed to Fiddler it happens.


I dont know, but I’ be curled up on the floor in the fetal position mumbling: “not The Master, say it isn’t so, no, not Cecil…”