Yeah, I don’t think I’d intervene–my limbs are like spaghetti at the best of times, and I don’t even think rage-filled adrenaline would improve them much.
I’d probably call 911, and if there was some sort of barrier between us, I would announce that I had done so.
I’m a petite gal, so my attempt at physically intervening would probably be met with my getting physically assaulted by one or both of them…as has already been stated, women can be very unpredictable when someone tries to interfer. I’d would, however, not hestitate to call the police.
I’m getting involved if it’s safe. I always keep an eye on the victim, as I’ve stated.
It’s ok if you feel it’s too dangerous for you to get involved for what ever reasons.
But there’s a lot of people that feel they can take care of themselves. When some neanderthal is stomping on a womans head and it’s going to take a couple of minutes for the cops to get there. I’m stepping in.
It might be you in need of aid one day where seconds count.
“…The police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full-time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence.”
1829 Sir Robert Peel
Call the police immediately and de-escalate the situation until they arrive. Talk calmly to the man, talk calmly to the woman, keep everyone talking calmly so that people are focused on talking calmly more than beating each other, and de-escalate, de-escalate, de-escalate. As much as is possible, give the aggressor the option of talking and hopefully saving face rather than continuing aggression; give the aggressor the option of saving face whenever possible. If intervening physically is inevitable, then that’s what has to happen (and watch hands for weapons), but give the whole situation a chance to de-escalate and everyone a chance to save face long before that point is reached.
After looking around for John Quinones, I’d call the police.
Per what several others have said, unless the woman is (or appears to be) in mortal danger you’re best trying to handle it non-physically with a call to 911. People who scuffle in public often have a violent love/hate history with each other, and if you intervene both the man and the woman might well come after you.
If it’s life or death where serious blows are being delivered I’d step in, screaming, pushing, shoving, hair pulling and face slapping gets a 911 call.
911
Getting involved is rarely safe. There is no way of knowing exactly how dangerous any situation is going to be. My brain tells me that someone who beat his S.O. in public is pretty dangerous.
Me? I’m calling the cops. I will them both know that the cops are on the way. But I do not think I would get between them.
But in reality, there is no telling what anyone would do until your are in it.
I’d call 911.
Sometime last year I met friends at the park and we saw a man screaming (apparently) at his car. It took us a little while to figure out that there was a person in there. I called the police and they sent out an officer who was familiar with the people involved. (There were very distinguishing characteristics of the incident and it turned out that they knew the people I was reporting. A cop buddy told me that afterwards.)
In case of an obvious physical attack I’d phone the police, then loudly announce that I have done so. Intervene myself only if harm looks imminent (say, woman lying on ground, man kicking her)
When the situation is ambiguous (between attack, mutual fight and possibly only horseplay) I asked the woman if she needs help (have done so twice; in both cases the answer was no and, on my second question, not to call the police). Once when I passed a young couple with the man having the woman in a headlock I slowed down the car, blew the horn and both straightened up and laughed.
The real problem IMO is that of a mutual fight - like the man/woman in a restaurant, boy/girl on a park bench scenes in the videos linked. The scenes (with the reservation: w/o audio - I did not hear the dialogue as there is no audio on the PC I am on) look like mutual fights to me, with him shouting and grabbing at her, her weeping at him - i.e. both sides using their gender’s preferred mode of aggression. It stops being a mutual fight, i.e. becomes other people’s business, once she asks him to leave and he does not, or she tries to leave and he holds her back. Failing that, I’ll have to assume she chooses having that altercation with him, and both of them collectively should be treated as a nuisance e.g. by restaurant staff/security/police, with the assumption that they’ll join forces to resist any physical intervention.
[quote=“Larry_Mudd, post:18, topic:587655”]
I have physically intervened, in the remote past. (Once.)
You can never tell what you’e going to do, but I doubt that I would go that far today, because:[ol]Hey, look! I have a phone, right here![li]I have dependents now, and I’m not immortal, like I was when I was twenty-five.Immortality aside, I’m not in the same shape I was in when I was twenty-five.[/ol]So yeah, today I would probably just call 911 straight away and let them know what was going on. I think it would still be very hard to stand there and watch someone smacking a woman around, and I would probably still feel compelled to try to stop it - but now I would probably be more inclined to try to do it with a bit of shouting from a nice safe distance.[/li][/QUOTE]
I could have authored this post.
Then if this doesn’t work and he attacks me, the pistol comes out. But not before.
I would almost certainly do something violent and stupid. I say this not because I’m an internet tough guy, but because seeing a man doing physical harm to a woman presses my buttons and I’m apt to do something I shouldn’t.
Some years back, while riding the bus, I got in the face of a guy who was trying to prevent his (bruised and crying) girlfriend from boarding that bus and ended up pushing him off. I knew even as I was doing it that it was risky and dangerous; I just couldn’t bear not to do it.
I threw hands with a crazy homeless guy who was hitting a little dog that was tied up outside a drugstore by my apartment once. And I don’t even like dogs. At the time, in fact, I was actively phobic of big ones and actively contemptuous of little ones. But I just couldn’t let it go.
I hate bullies, though I was one all through high school. It may be more accurate to say that I hate bullies because I used to be one. At any rate, I judge my tendency towards violence in such situations to be a character flaw.
This isn’t entirely an academic question. I have gotten involved in the past, and I probably would again. But I’d be really, really damn careful about it. One of the times I’ve had a gun pointed at me is when I got involved in a domestic dispute. It’s one of the best ways to get your stupid ass killed if you don’t handle things well. Like others have said, you have to be careful to de-escalate and keep everybody as calm as you can, and be aware that both parties may attack you.
Before I did anything, I’d get someone to call the cops, or if at all possible do it myself. That’s part of what they get paid for. Besides, I want witnesses to the fact that I wasn’t the aggressor. If it wasn’t a mortal-threat situation, I would really think about how much I want to risk going to the hospital and/or dying for this person—who more often than not has gone back for similar abuse after getting out of the situation at least once. BTW, I’ve also gotten involved in breaking up a woman beating on her guy. It does happen, and it’s just as ugly.
Call the police and keep moving.
Any intervention is too likely to end with you sitting in a courtroom, the abuser wearing a neck brace and claiming you attacked him.
And that abused woman? She’ll back up his story.
Would not be able to help myself.
I’m a small woman, and not young, but I’d be all up in his face, screaming, shouting, and generally making a huge scene until it either stopped or drew more attention.
I’m pretty sure it would start with, ‘Hey, cut that out!’, and end with me screaming, ‘Call the Police!’.
I don’t have a cell phone so that wouldn’t be an option for me, personally. My experience is that as soon as one person steps up, others will be quicker to join in.
I’m here and able to post this because someone intervened when I needed them to. I’d definitely call 911, yell something, maybe more depending on the situation.
Anonymous 911 call.
I would stay at a safe distance and yell to the woman, “Are you OK?” That would let them know I was there and watching. If she said no I’d call the police and/or intervene depending on the situation. If she said she was OK I would continue to watch and I might still call the police, but I wouldn’t intervene because I’d be worried they’d both turn on me.
My ex h abused me, and I was able to get away (ended up in a shelter, but I did get away). When one of his subsequent gfs started calling me secretly to help her get out I did everything I could to help her. She had him arrested, but when he got out on bail he convinced her it was all her fault and she turned on me. She no showed to his trial and I had to be there because I was subpoenaed. He threatened me in the courthouse, and the DA couldn’t do anything because the gf no-showed. It was all pretty rotten. I’d do the same again though. I’d have to try to help.
Crying is a mode of aggression? :dubious: