A long time ago I had the unfortunate experience of intervening several times in these situations on behalf of a female relative. The only good it did was cause me endless grief and made me end up being the bad guy in the family.
What I’ve taken from that is that most women in these situations are massive enablers and if they are not willing to help themselves then there is no reason to put yourself out there. I would call the police but wouldn’t expect much to ever come from it.
Sorry Martin this is not directed at you specifically or solely but you get to be the straw.
Yes, SOME women are enablers in these situations, SOME women will turn on the rescuer so you’re defending yourself from two but that is far from a universal situation.
For the rest of the world it’s a lot more complex.
I don’t expect that people put themselves in danger, but what is the cost to any bystander of making a phone call to the police? What is the cost of letting people know that this is unacceptable in our society?
I was going to say bullshit, but I’ve decided that is needlessly harsh. Some weapon are enablers in these situations; some are not.
Weapon = women? Now that’s a good Freudian slip. 
I’m hearing you MOPS… today… it’s so likely that the woman has attacked the guy. Since I got into the crazy line of work I’ve had more and more guys calling 911. When you get their some guys face is all fucked up and the woman is clearly the aggressor.
Advice to all… unless you are under 25 LOL… call 911 and yell that you have… it can at least get the male or female aggressor thinking about de-assing the area…
Well, I am an Athena worshipper, unlike the rest of you poor doomed atheists.
Having been close friends with an abusive couple in high school and the downstairs neighbor of an abusive adult couple, I would call the cops or comfort any children, but I would not otherwise get involved. You cannot predict how the abuser and victim will respond.
My high school friends were mutually physically and verbally abusive. Both studied martial arts and had control and anger issues. They put everyone around them through incredible pain and stress for years. The husband upstairs was on crystal methamphetamine at the time he pushed his wife into our brick-paved patio from their second-floor unit, and we feared he would break into our home to get at his wife again. He later blew his brains out (and this was in a state where gun ownership is uncommon.)
No one deserves to be abused, but my duty to protect myself and my family from the crazy and drama trumps further involvement.
I used the word most, not all.
At both you and **Moonlitherial **I will note that I also said I would still call the police. Let’s just say my good graces have expired in regards to being physically involved myself. I’ve had the great experience of a 5’6" 145 lbs wife beater playing the sympathy card because 6’5" me used a moderate amount of force to restrain him. He even had his arm in a sling the next day claiming I had ripped it out of the socket. The female relative of mine was 100% in his corner.
This happened more than once (not those exact things, but basically similar with that same couple) and that’s basically it for me. This was all 20+ years ago when I was younger anyway. I don’t have much of a hero complex anymore, if I saw a DV situation I would do what I said upthread: call the police, they are the professionals and they would handle it.
If I saw an attempted murder or something going on, I would do something–but that’s different.
Why is everyone assuming that it’s a man beating up a woman?
Because that was in the OP. Notice that Chicagojeff and I pointed out that it doesn’t always happen that way.
D’oh! :smack:
I guess I agree with Martin Hyde and others - call the cops but don’t expect the woman to be grateful, or for anything to change long-term.
I used to train a good deal with police, and they were nearly unanimous that intervening in a domestic dispute like the OP describes winds up with two people screaming at you and attacking you. They had to do it, but a private citizen?
Also keep in mind that, if the cops do show up, the default seems to be to arrest the man. If you intervene and the guy and/or the woman attack you, you are likely to be arrested for fighting. Not necessarily convicted, but arrested.
It would be nice if chivalry was rewarded, but it isn’t always the case.
Regards,
Shodan
Yes and I’m sorry I was too busy when I posted that response to actually go through the thread and pick out all the people who used variations on that theme. I responded to you mostly because I had postponed it earlier hoping for the time to multiquote and include everyone and it just wasn’t happening.
It’s a pretty personal issue for me and I’m a little defensive on the subject.
I will say that I’m a strong confident woman and still it wasn’t until he actually hit me and I had time away that I was able to see how he had slowly isolated me from my friends and made me doubt my own judgement. If he had waited a little longer to actually hit me I might have stayed. It’s a terrifying thought really. It took me several years to recover from this and my first marriage and my divorce can both be directly attributed to the personality changes that the experience caused.
Women who stay in these situations aren’t necessarily dumb or crazy they’ve been trained and it’s possible to undo that. Even if there aren’t immediate results from calling the police the knowledge that this is wrong and that other people care could take root and grow. So please, for those who would stand by and do nothing or walk away, make the call.
I wouldn’t physically intervene – I’m a smallish woman with no special vampire slayer skills – but I’d yell at him to stop and immediately call 911. I’d make a full report on what I witnessed and get the license number if he (and/or she) drove off.
Edit to add - If it seemed that the person being abused was in mortal danger, i.e., the abuser was strangling or similar, I’d probably intervene in whatever way I could AFTER calling 911. I’m thinking hitting the attacker over the head from behind or something like that. But it would have to be a very extreme situation such as that… I know that often police respond to similar situations and end up fighting both parties.
Crying on purpose is (and it is a fairly potent weapon). The female characters in the two videos choose fight over flight (NB ‘flight’ would include e.g. asking the restaurant waitstaff to ask the unwanted man at her table to leave). From which I assume that they think they have something to bring to a fight.
Why do you think they were crying on purpose? Yes, the What would you do vids are staged because that’s the whole point, but if I were a bystander and I saw someone yelling or getting physically abusive with their partner, and the partner crying, I wouldn’t assume the abused partner was choosing to “fight” because she didn’t leave. If I heard/saw a situation like that, I’d assume the one crying was too afraid or ashamed to leave or do anything about it.
I have encountered a man physically beating his girlfiend in public. I said something like “what the hell are you doing?” and he stopped and tried to explain himself. I was prepared to physically intervene if necessary. Someone else called the cops and they showed up pretty quickly.
I’m not sure what point you are trying to make here, other than some women will cry ‘on purpose’ to emotionally manipulate their partners… but when physical abuse is involved, I fail to see how crying can be considered a ‘potent weapon’ compared to, the ability to black someone’s eye?
I finally had time when I wasn’t at work to go back and look at the videos provided in the OP. Did anyone else find it interesting that “audience participation” went way down when the women were dressed provocatively? The women were especially nasty, heaping judgement on the abused woman’s head, while still doing nothing to intervene.
I am a short out-of-shape female who could do no damage to anyone in the situation.
However, I have found that logic goes right out the window for me when someone is verbally or physically attacking someone. So, while I know I should call the cops from a safe distance, I would be all up in the guys face and would probably take a beating.
(Though, surprisingly, the two times this has come up, I got in the guys face and he laid off. I grew up in Little Italy. Maybe some of the little Italian mother attitude passed on. You never mess with them. Never.)