This would be me as well. It would take a very long time for me to accept that there were no other people left on the planet.
“I’d walk around totally naked, holding a Big Gulp Terminator 2 glass.”
Heh.
There’s a short story that I read (sorry, can’t remember the name/author) about how this guy discovers that everyone has disappeared. After a year of searching for people, he finally flings himself off the tallest building in New York. Inevitably, as he’s falling he hears a phone ringing.
Necrophilia, then drugs, then cloning. If I can haul enough bodies into freezers over the first couple of days, maybe a steady diet of necrophilia throughout. A steady diet of drugs, on the other hand, is probably incompatible with cloning research.
First thing, get myself into a comfortable pair of sweatpants. The pressure is off. Time to go Costanza.
Next, I rummage through the homes of people I know. I want to see what they had hidden in their bedroom closets. I know somebody is gonna have butt plugs and home made porn.
After nosing around, I set up shop in a porn store. That should last me a few years.
Next, I go around and view the great works of mankind. I reduce history to a one man Siskel and Ebert system. If it gets thumbs up, it stays. If it gets thumbs down, it burns. I have no problem not saving it for posterity. I AM posterity.
I immediately start referring to myself as “Posterity.”
With no animals remaining, I go to Sea World just to comment on how it is no more boring than it was before everyone died.
I laugh at my Sea World joke.
I realize that I have always truly enjoyed my own comedy.
I decide to watch every DVD ever released. I reflect, sadly, that Freaks and Geeks only lasted 18 episodes.
During the Michael Bay entries, I contemplate suicide for the first time.
I spend the next ten years searching for evidence of the Illuminati, which is basically centralized control of human decisions.
I experience the powerful realization that now that I am the sole human, that I personally control all human decisions.
I stop calling myself “Posterity” and begin to refer to myself as “Illuminati.”
I make another swing by the porn shop and complain to myself that I need some “new porn.” Either way, I make do with the old stuff.
Life gets a little less enjoyable after I go blind, but I make do listening to the porn.
Eventually, I blindly make my way to Sea World, where I laugh once again about my joke, and die.
Steal the world’s landmarks and place them in my house. Or near my house. Or something.
Visit the great places of the world…and Disney World, if it’s still operating. Maybe steal a Mickey costume to run around the world as Mickey for no reason.
Make Washington D.C. new hometown. Live in the White House, spend leisure time at Smithsonian and Library of Congress…what’s not to love?
Steal world’s treasures. Since there’s no other people, I can’t really show off or sell them, but it would be cool. (“World’s treasures” may also include Winnie-the-Pooh*, one of the Pope’s hats, and other neat things I find on my travels.)
New York, empty. Wonderful. Attempt to raise dead, then use them in live shows. Zombie Broadway!
Travel around world, declaring every place I touch the Grand Republic of Myself.
Travel to cemeteries, dig up famous people…just to see what their skeletons look like. Place them in a new Museum of Dead Folks…again, nobody will see it, but why not?
*The original stuffed animals that inspired the Winnie-the-Pooh characters are on display in the childrens room of the New York Public Library.
Also, mass masturbation program. Collect mass quantities of sperm in attempt to repopulate world with clones of myself. If possible without female eggs by the end of the world.
Hello,
I would try to mantain my compoture and and hope for a better world.
Workaholic that I am, I’d call in sick for work then take a good long nap.
Think: “YES!”
Do: Loot.
I would loot as much jello as I could find, and then I would attempt to turn one of the Great Lakes into jello. Possibly I would then try to eat one of the Great Lakes.
I would put my pants on my head and let my eyebrows grow like the mighty (furry) oak. Then I would hole up in someone’s cool mansion with a movie theatre and watch Mystery Science reruns while eating beef jerky and popcorn until I turned old and flabby.
Amending my previous answer…
Most likely i’d mutter, “Damn that scientist and his defective, dead-man-switch operated doomsday weapon. I’d order him murdered if I weren’t the only man alive.”
This is a worthy endeavor.
Start and finish ALL the posts on SDMB. Get into flame wars with myself and use bad language on GD. Become a moderator. Ban myself.
Not a bad idea. I’ve always wanted to be the only person in a movie theatre, and being the last man on Earth might just make that possible.
I’d also play basketball in Madison Square Garden… well, I’d shoot around, anyway. And since I’d never have another tennis partner, I’d find all kinds of cool walls to play off of. I’d also go to the top of the Empire State Building with a jar of pennies and toss them all off, one by one.
Just be sure not to sit behind any tall skeletons. (“Hey buddy, down in front!” ::Kick, skull goes flying:
But hell…one could root through Hollywood, find prints of soon-to-be blockbusters that hadn’t yet been (and never will be) released yet, and throw your own premiere, complete with A-List celebrity guests! (What’s left of 'em, anyway. It shouldn’t make too much of a difference with the Supermodels—they’d just be doing less drugs and providing slightly more interesting conversation than when they were alive.)
Hey…anyone remember the “Cadaver Synod”? You could hold a goddamn Cadaveric Crimes-Against-Humanity trial!
I’d dance naked in a churching singing “War”