What would you eat, if you could eat *anything*? And by anything, I mean inedible/inorganic

I was thinking about question this before the Ask the guy who has Pica thread appeared; and I didn’t want to post it there because it might seem mocking.

Anyway, for me it’s scented candles, especially vanilla. They smell great and it looks like the texture would be nice and chewy. I wish I could just bite off a chunk and nom-nom-nom-nom.

A Panzer tank.

I’d let 'em melt in my mouth, like breath mints.

Paper. I like wafer cookies and actually kind of like the communion wafers that taste a bit like cardboard. I think I’d eat paper and construction paper and cardboard.

Souls, obviously.

Bread! Apples! Very small rocks! Cider! Great gravy! Cherries! Mud! Churches! Lead! Or maybe…A duck!

Seriously though (er…as serious as this question can be), probably various chemical solvent and reagents. Some smell pretty darned good, but I’d be dead in a heartbeat if I actually tried to ingest them.

An pound of gold dissolved in aqua regia. Just to be decadent.

There are some body lotions and creams that smell so good I just want to eat them!

I once licked a bit of Watkins Lemon body cream just to find out if the taste matches the smell (smells like decadent lemon cheese cake).

It doesn’t.

Lead Acetate, just to see if it really is sweet – “sugar of lead” indeed.
I’d also test those other myths about the tastes of various poisons. Does cyanide taste like almonds?

“Hey! This is just lemonade! Where’s my culture of amoebic dysentery?!”

Chalk, because I already like foods with a chalky texture. And there’s something about how white and crunchy it looks that is really appealing to me. My urge to eat chalk (that I have never acted upon) is so strong it has made me wonder if it counts as pica.

I would also drink paint.

Bubble wrap.

Things that sound appealing but I don’t eat: Flavored lip balms and glosses. Body butter (a type of cream). Rubber-type erasers, which have always looked tempting to me. Playdoh and Elmer’s glue.

If poop was nutritious and tasty, think of the money we’d save.

Kiddie glues - I’m thinking the semi-solid glue in a tube that is (was) sold under the brand “Pritt Stick” here, and also the liquid stuff called “Gloy” that I remember from primary school. Two really evocative smells for me, and oh so tempting…

ETA come to think of it I probably have eaten both. My mum has always said that I would eat pretty much anything as a kid, worms, dog chews, raw meat out of the dog bowls etc.

When I was a kid, I would occasionally imagine being an ‘anything-eater’: stomping down the street, swinging my massive head around and taking huge bites out of cars…

I’d prove Lou Reed wrong and eat the sun.

Think of how much we would save on recycling if you could eat the packaging that your food came in. Buy a candy bar, and don’t even unwrap it, just bite into it right there, wrapper and all.

Computer busted, and you need to buy a new one? Don’t throw the old one away, eat it! Not sure what to do with your socks missing its other in the pair? Eat them! Just killed someone, hear the cops coming, and wondering what to do with the murder weapon? Eat it! Er…hypothetically that is…

Play-Doh. I always really wanted to when I was a kid. I still sort of do.