What would your cat do for a living?

My husband and I often mused that our late #1 cat–a former stray, well into adulthood before he was neutered, and very much a guy cat–would have been a mechanic had he been human. He would have smoked cigarettes and cussed some, although not in front of the ladies.

Cat #2, who is very outgoing and friendly, would have been a cheerleader and would have dated several of Cat #1’s friends before going off to college and becoming a nurse.

Cat #3 would have been the shy, chubby girl that everyone liked. She would have dated one of Cat #1’s friends–the quietly cool one–and they would have gotten married right after high school and had several children.

So, what about your cats?

My cat probably would have cooked meth. We got her from a litter from what we think was a total meth head, if not cook.

Cat #1, live in housekeeper or head cafeteria lady
Cat #2, is that dweeby kid who doesn’t care what others think. Inventor or chemical engineer.
Cat #3, social worker, eventually a pastor, handy around the house.

Ya’ll answered quickly enough to make me think you’d thought this over before…

She would make a good boss of whatever she wanted to do. And a good exterminator.

The last cat would have been a psycho killer. The cat before that would have been a professional Parkour practitioner. The cat before that would have been a dog-catcher.

kitty boy, a skinny version of Arnold Schwarzenegger from “True Lies” only, with less empathy

JayZ - would be an investigative news reporter - always checking out what’s going on, and reporting what happened,

Cat #1 - poet, a la Emily Dickinson
Cat #2 - professional mooch

Cat A would be a librarian. If you called the public library with a question, she would be the one to research and supply it.
Cat B would be a bouncer at a nightclub. He’s big and often bumbling, but he can look after himself, and inject himself to diffuse situations between the others.
Cat C would be the nerdy English student with English professor as her goal. Quiet and shy, she is afraid of others, but extremely knowledgeable in her field.
Cat D would be the peppy high school student who tried out for Pep Squad, but didn’t make it. She’ll sell real estate or teach school or adjust insurance claims for now, but she will definitely hand out name tags at the ten-year reunion.

Aging prima ballerina addicted to diet pills.

Both of my cats would be perpetually unemployed, on Welfare and Medicaid. Just like now.

My orange tabby would be a professional athlete of some sort. He’s 23lbs of pure muscle and I’ve seen that guy jump from the bar area to the top of his scratching post two feet away that has what I would guess to be about an 8 inch landing pad.

My grey tabby would be useless. However he is quite charming. Always the favorite of house guests. So, I don’t know. Maybe he could find himself a sugar momma.

Max would have to be on welfare since all he wants to do is eat and sleep on your lap.

Maddie would be a jewel thief. She’s stolen a couple of my earrings and I still don’t know where she’s hid them.

My mom’s current tenant is a freelance pest control contractor. She’s even named after her profession, “Miss Mousey”.

Hermes would be an entertainer of some sort. Probably a physical comedian. He’s outgoing, always in your face, and always playing with props*. He’s also an incredibly egotist and a bit of a bully to the other cats.

Hestia would be a personal attendant. Or a mattress tester. With impeccable manners.

*His favorite toy is a helium-filled mylar balloon, which he carries around from place to place. He’s careful with his claws with it – he hasn’t broken one yet.

One of our boys would definitely be Derek Zoolander. I haven’t figured out the other, yet.

longest resident cat: She’d be one of those snooty mean interior designers that make you feel like shit for not instantly agreeing with her taste. Works about 8 hours a week, spends the rest of her time drinking (scuse me, “networking”) in high-end bars looking for male companionship, despite her vociferous insistence that she wants to remain single and independent.

second longest resident: he’s a catalog-level male model. Amazingly beautiful, loves attention, dumb as a box of rocks and a bit neurotic, so will never actually break into the big leagues.

newest addition: one of those x-games athletes, but one who likes his post-game beer and hamburgers a bit too much, and in about three years, he ends up a bit on the chubby side as a really enthusiastic and genuinely happy TV games announcer and fast-food/beer shill.

Havoc would likely be a professional couch potato. Complete with mumu and box of bon-bons. Pixel would be a therapist as she is very sensitive and empathetic. Brindle would definitely be a Kardashian - she is a total attention-slut. Caelan is a bro - always hitting on the girls even though he’s ball-less. I can see him in a wife-beater and tricked-out Honda.

Red would be a prison matron. Sitting on her butt most of the time, but taking great joy in terrorizing the inmates/other cats.

Soda would be a playboy who only worked when he felt the inspiration. Mostly he would just mooch off others and bite the hand that feeds him.

Scotch would be a reclusive poet, hiding away from this scary world and pouring her heart out onto paper.