Whatever happened to MY resume and cover letter?

The BBQ Pit
1

Okay a little background.

I’ve been unemployed (laid off) since the end of August. I work in the airline industry, so yeah, I’ve had to look pretty hard for genuine open positions. I’ve been networking like a crazed salesman on methamphetamines, and for someone as lowkey as me, that’s a first. But found them I have. And then I have researched your commuter/regional/charter/lear-jet-leasing-hole-inna-wall-operation to write you a loverly personalized cover letter.

In proper english.

With a cherry on top.

With it I have enclosed my resume. With references. And a loverly letter of recommendation from the Director of my previous department, clearly conveying that I am the shit.
And with one notable exeption, I have gotten a whole lotta nothing.

So here’s the letter I’d like to write from now on, for you to chuck into the gaping black hole that is your human resource department (with the exeption of Southwest, who are forgiven for calling it the terminally perky People Department by the fact that they actually sent me a postcard acknowledging receipt.)
Dear Sir/Madam/Officebot

I no longer care to spend the time, effort, long distance bills, and stalking required to actually find out the name of your human resource director. I have now decided you do not actually HAVE such an individual at your fine company, and are now feeding all application directly to the rabid pitbulls that roam your echoing halls. Fine animals, I’ve always liked pitbulls like I like raw meat, and that is the main reason I’m interested in a position with Whatever-the-hell-your-airline’s-called again.

No, scratch that, I’m actually only interested in the money. Preferably lots of money and minimal work. Because really, I’d just like sit around, drink coffee, and make large papermache sculptures out of other hapless applicants paperwork. Or if you have no such position currently available, I would make a fine CEO.

Please laugh maniacally at the concept of reading the attached resume, which I have translated into limerick form for your convenience. I look forward to never hearing from you again.

Yours in Futility,

Snermy

[sub]yes I know about and make follow up calls (where possible, some of them only have an email contact available) I just need someone to hire me already!![/sub]

2

Snermy, Snermy, Snermy…

Sorry you’re temporarily unemployed. I say “temporarily” because anyone who can write those bits about pit bulls and sitting around making paper mache sculptures will soon get hired for entertainment value alone.

That said, I do think you need to add the incentive of a free bag of drugs along with each resume/cover letter package. Be sure that the free drugs are not in a white powder form (e.g. - cocaine), as this could easily be mistaken for anthrax in this day and age. Best to go with at least one half ounce of Panama Red or such.

I hope that I’ve been of some help to you.

3

This is scary, but, if you preface that proposed letter with, “Tired of getting employees who should have written this cover letter? Then you owe it to yourself and your company to hire me!”

Let me know if it works.

4

Thanks for your kind words THespos :slight_smile:

I’m starting to actually like the idea of being interviewed by a pitbull. Snausages are cheaper than crack.

5

{slapping myself silly for leaving out part of the sentence}

After the “Tired of…” remark, add, then your cover letter might get you hired.

6

snermy – if your resume and letter are going to employers who have advertised open positions for which you are qualified, you deserve a response, even if it’s just a photocopied form letter.

The fact that you aren’t even getting any of those might indicate overworked or nonexistent HR Departments at the companies where you’re applying.

Our HR department has been decimated over the last few years. Seems like we don’t have time or resources to do anything except for what’s mandated by law – FMLA, OSHA, ADA, etc. We haven’t had an HR Manager since June and we won’t be getting a new one. Some callers are flabbergasted at this; others just nod their heads, because that’s where their company is headed too.
Good luck in your job search. That cover letter would definitely get you an interview where I work. Sometimes we just have to see the people who write some of that stuff. :wink:

7

Monty heh. It’s tempting to say the least.

AuntiePam I actually suspect that may be the case with the wholesale layoffs going on. There were several big layoffs at my previous job before it shut down and everyone was just doing more or it just wasn’t getting done. Not pretty.

8

My two cents… as far as the response from a company to my sending them a resume/cover letter:

If I send in my documents to apply for an advertised position, or through a “send us your resume” link on a website, it would be “nice” to get a card saying “Thank you for your interest, we’ll get in touch with you if we can be bothered to talk further.” However, I do not expect to receive any notice of their receipt or consideration of my resume unless they are interested in pursuing employment discussions - in today’s world, I just don’t think it’s cost effective to reply to everyone who sends in a resume, especially thanks to the advent of internet job hunting. They can end up with hundreds and hundreds of resumes, many from people not even remotely qualified for the position.

Now, having said that, if they contact you for a phone interview, or a face-to-face, then I expect a letter saying “Thanks, but no thanks” if they’re not interested. I can think of one company in particular that fell down on that job - I won’t name names, but they have a big red target for their symbol.

If you want, I’ll give your resume a quick review and send some feedback - I like to think I’m pretty good at doing them. Mine got me interviews in New York, Minneapolis, Cincinnati, Atlanta, and Denver (resulting in offers from Atlanta and Denver).

9

So I demand too much eh? Dang it why is everyone being so reasonable and stuff? I shoulda put this in MPSIMS apparently. OR IMHO.

You know and I know I’m going to keep on doing it by the book until I
1)get a decent offer or
2)go broke as my unemployment runs out and
3)give up on my little niche of expertise I’ve spent the last 3 years accumulating and go start anew in some other area, or go back to school or any one of the numerous things I could do that represent a huge step backwards in my sense of myself as a competent semi-successful actual grown-up.

Short of ever moving back with my parents that is. There is no deeper self-esteem pit I can conceive of.

Perhaps I’ve failed to communicate that this is NOT a freekin poll, I KNOW everyone’s overworked, I KNOW there is no one less important than the lowly applicant, I KNOW that they (no I’m not gonna specify who they are, they know who they are, goddammit) got what I want.

And I’m venting.

That said, I may just take you up on your very sweet offer super_head, though for some reason I’m nervous. So be gentle. (Hell I’ve been sending it out for months to people actually in a position to hire me. If they actually exist.)

[sub]thanks guys you’ve been very nice. Who says pitizens are meanies ?;)[/sub]

10

I promise to be up front and ruthlessly honest in reviewing your resume. :slight_smile: I developed my own using a combination of what I got from Drake, Beam, & Morin (an outplacement assistance company of sorts) as well as what I thought influenced me when I was reviewing resumes of potential hires.

You can grab my e-mail off of my profile if you want some feedback.

11

snermy, friend, let me offer a thought. I see that you have been doing the right thing and pursuing your objective diligently and professionally. And things change, so perhaps my contributions will be of minimal use.

That being said, I have never pursued employment via resume and cover letter. Not that such an approach is unheard of - but truly it’s been rare in my experience when folks are hired through that portal. It has always been for me a pursuit through extensively developed personal relationships and I have never submitted a resume until I already had the job. Admittedly, that’s been only a few jobs over the years. Hope that helps.

And, I ran an energy services corporation (actually, a couple) for many years and received many resumes. Very few (well, let’s be honest here: none) spoke to me very well about the candidate. After a few hiring experiences, I became wary of the printed word and, when a position needed to be filled, I recruited amongst those I could hope to believe.

12

beatle I totally agree. It’s a lot easier to get a job from someone who already knows what kind of work you do. That’s how I got my previous job actually. I was working as a temp for the director of the department I eventually hired into. So my experience is the same as yours, never actually gotten a ‘decent’ job in the traditional fashion.

::sinking deeper into paranoid unemployed depressive state::

Seriously, what else can you do if all your contacts are at companies that aren’t hiring at the moment? At some point, you gotta start chucking resumes out (if only to keep unemployment benefits).

You make an excellent point, and any other job seekers out there, listen to beatle! Call all your friends and former coworkers! They know stuff!

Thaaanks, though, for confirming all my fears that no one will ever ever ever hire me via the boatload of paperwork I’ve been sending out. :wink:

13

you should put that 2nd thing in shows you will stand your ground , i was pissed about by over 500 potential employers
and then i started writting what you did and got a few jobs now i freelance