You’ve got to be kidding. You are seriously going to defend the idea that it’s perfectly legit to berate somebody who has been nothing but pleasant and helpful to you because they didn’t utter exactly the words you’d like to hear? You think it’s just fine to scream at someone and humiliate them in front of others in the name of making society more polite? And you see no irony in this?
And I’m sorry to tell you this, but how much money you make certainly does have to do with it. You do know that the wage of the workers is reflected in the price of the product or service, right? You get what you pay for. That’s why the service is better at Chez Fancy-pants than it is at McDonald’s. Contrary to the opinion of some, the average retail worker is not there to be your personal slave and does not just have to stand there and smilingly take whatever bullshit you happen to feel like dishing out. You’d have to pay me a lot more than $8 an hour to kiss someones ass after they have insulted me and told me I was raised poorly when I have done no wrong. And before you ask, my boss knew all about this and was on my side.
Yeah, I learned that I’m glad I don’t have to work retail any more. And I learned that some people are impossible to please.
This was a hardware store - I had spent a long time with this lady, helping her get exactly what she needed, carefully explaining the difference between different products without pushing her to buy the most expensive, and giving her detailed information about how to use the products to fix her problem. If you’d rather go to a store where they just throw one product at you but then follow the script you want to hear, then fine - but that was above and beyond the usual customer service you get in hardware stores and she was completely unappreciative.
Classy. Look - I’m glad your mother taught you that there was only one possible answer to “thank you” and that if you didn’t it hear you should scream blue murder. My mother taught me to judge people on the quality of their character and not on whether or not they could read your mind and obey your every childish whim. YMMV.
“You’re welcome” is an always appropriate response to “thank you”. If the person thanking me helped me as much or more than I helped them, I’ll reply “no, thank you”.
Never appropriate, and rude, are ok, yup, hmm hmm, and silence.
Wow. I say “no problem” and I’m a far cry from being a Valley Girl. I sometimes also say “you’re welcome.” I guess I use the former for something I volunteered to do, and the latter for something I was required to do (as part of a job, etc.).
I know that the word “problem” itself is a word that shouldn’t be used lightly; I’ve seen etiquette articles where we are directed to use the word “issue” instead. But when something is actually not a problem, I don’t see an issue with using the word.
Now, when I thank the nurse for changing out my IV and she replies with a “thank you,” now that is just silly.
Is this a recent phenomenon? In the last couple of years, I’ve called my company’s US office, which is in the midwest, the phone staff always say this. If it had been happening before that I’m sure I’d have noticed.
I usually prefer “anytime” with the implication that I would do whatever it was again if needed/wanted/whatever.
That said, “You’re welcome.” is perfectly fine and anyone who finds it pretentious should consider what it actually means. “You are welcome to…[my time|my assistance|whatever]”. As in, “I freely make my services available to you.” Doesn’t get a lot more polite than that, if you ask me.
Once again, I don’t think a single person in this thread has said that they don’t think ‘you’re welcome’ is appropriate or polite. Just that some people prefer to say something else, or to just mix it up now and then.
I agree with you that yup or mmm hmmm or silence are all rude though.
A few years ago, one of the “All Things Considered” hosts read a letter from an NPR listener making the very same complaint. (It wasn’t you, was it, velvetjones?)
He congratulated an interview guest who had responded with “you’re welcome,” saying that it was refreshing to hear the “correct” response instead of a returned “thank you.” I thought it was a petty gripe at the time, and haven’t changed my mind.
Reminds me of this classic Straight Dope column - still one of my favourites. Some people just can’t handle language changing. Or regional variations for that matter.
I did not say a word in this person’s defence. I do wonder if there
is not more to it than you have let on, because I cannot imagine
anyone flying off the handle as she did.
Oh really? i wonder if a little bit of that sneering attitude was not
transmitted when you said “no problem” to the old lady.
And I do not mind telling you that i worked a bunch of minimum and
near-minumum wage jobs in my time, and I gave them my level best
all day, every day.
With one exception i have never had any problem with the service
at any McDoanld’s. That one was probably the one where you worked.
I stopped going there, and have never returned.
Again, I have a hard time believing it was merely the words “no problem”
which set this off. If, however, you were as angelic as you make yourself
out to be then I agree you were abused. In the interest of basic, fundamental
PR you should still have smiled for all you were worth, and said “you’re welcome”
Why you and so many others would obviously rather have half your teeth pulled
than use that nice, simple little expression really and truly mystifies me.
Sounds like you might not be cut out to work with the public.
Ha ha- My mother is much more polite than me, and has never,
I am sure, ever screamed at anyone. I almost never have either,
except in these chat rooms.
But the fact is, when I was growing up “you’re welcome” was the only
reply which ever occurred to anyone. I never heard anything else.
This “no problem” shit, (and shit it is for the reasons i have given)
started popping up I guess in the 1980s.I thought it was a passing thing.
I am appalled that it has become universal, because it is a cheap-sounding
cheap-feeling tawdry substitute “you’re welcome” which is the only
reply with any class.
And I do wonder if you’ve ever worked with the public, because there are some straight-up crazy bitches out there. There is nothing more to the story than what I related.
I did my best in the situation. If you think that helping someone out and answering all their questions and being overall polite to them is entirely negated by simply substituting one perfectly commonly acceptable phrase for another - well, I wonder if you might just be too delicate to go out and buy your own hardware.
I worked with the public just fine - this store had been owned and operated by the same family since 1946. We had generational customers who would literally not shop for hardware anywhere else. If I had done anything to jeopardize their hard-earned reputation for customer service (their only real edge over the big box stores), I would have been out on my ass. My boss (who was in his 60s) watched me work on many occasions, certainly heard me say ‘no problem’, and had nothing but nice things to say about my work. I received several promotions while I was there.
Well, I’m guessing you grew up a long time ago. Things change, language changes, etiquette changes, and the fact is that many alternatives to ‘you’re welcome’ have become perfectly acceptable. If you find it cheap sounding or tawdry, then don’t say it, but to judge other peoples ‘class’ because they dare to use a different expression than one you would choose is pretty baseless, IMHO.
As an older person I can say that “No problem” isn’t my first choice but if you’d been helping me for 1/2 an hour I sure wouldn’t complain. Worked retail a lot and I always notice as a shopper the little details that bug me.
There’s nothing condescending about you’re welcome, but I get you’re point. When I worked retail I often responded to “thank you” with “my pleasure, thank you for shopping with us” or “glad we could help you today”
I had a cashier that wasn’t in the habit of counting out people’s change and one older lady complained. She was a little offended by the lady’s complaint but I told her the lady was correct. Especially since she’d given her a hundred. You don’t just hand someone a bundle of change. You count it out almost every time.
I agree that your lady overreacted and there are indeed random crazy people out there when you work with the public.
For the record, I can understand that some people would not personally choose to say ‘no problem’, and if everything went their way they wouldn’t hear it either. But, as you say, as long as the overall experience is positive I don’t see the point in raising a stink about it.
If I were in charge of the universe, I would never get change handed back to me with the coins on top, I would never be ‘greeted’ in Walmart, and I would never have a waiter ask “how are we doing here?” (we? are you eating with us?). But I’m not in charge of the universe, and I can recognize that none of those things are really rude in the way that being generally surly or telling someone to fuck off is. Also, I don’t see the point in getting all bent out of shape because things aren’t going just exactly my way.
Yelling at a shop worker and telling them that all young people are terrible and rude and that their mother obviously didn’t raise them right is so wildly out of proportion to the ‘crime’ of not using the right phrase that I am amazed anyone would defend those actions. Or recommend that the correct course of action is for the worker to then suck up to the customer and grovel for their forgiveness. Believe me, very few people are such special customers that a store needs to put up with that kind of abuse of its employees.
I reflexively say, “thank you” to my employees many times each day. Thanks to this thread, I’ve noticed that their replies are “yup” or “mmm hmmm” or just a smile. And there is warmth behind them all. I’m happy.
Fair enough. I think the underlying message is that it makes a hell of a lot more sense to judge people on their demeanour and on the clear meaning behind their words rather than just rigidly demanding that people should always say certain things.
Apart from anything else, a lot of these concepts of politeness vary from place to place. I’ve lived in places where holding the door for someone is considered absolutely obligatory, and places where it is rarely done. The use of ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’ is clearly more common in the south and isn’t heard up here all that much (I hate being called Ma’am myself). In Australia ‘no worries’ is common, in Britain you hear ‘cheers’. The idea that there is only one acceptable polite response to *anything *is incredibly absurd.
I like “no problem” as well and I’ve never understood the vitriol from people who don’t like it. That whole, “Of COURSE it’s not a problem, you should live to serve me!” attitude weirds me out.
If I didn’t just cross your threshold as a guest, don’t tell me I’m well come. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought this was the needlessly pedantic section. It’s a vocalization to register that you appreciate someone taking the time to appreciate something you did for them. What that vocalization actually is is, frankly, irrelevant. Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is.
I spent five years working with the public daily as an insurance adjuster.
Craziness was not a problem, despite the stress of that particular business
environment. Frauduent claim-padding was, but that is not relevant to our discussion.
As far as retail goes I did about six months duty in a curb market at about
minum wage plus 50 cents or a dollar. Again, craziness was not a problem,
and in that job I saw more drunks (since I always worked at night) than
most other retail. Then again, I was careful to thank each customer no
matter how small the purchase was, and it may not have hurt that I always
said “you’re welcome” or “thank you” in reply to a customer’s thanks.
I have said before that if all transpired exacly as you relate then there
was no reason for the customer’s outburst.
Although I am always tempted to correct someone who answers me with
“no problem” I never have. I may yet, but if I do I won’t make a scene
about it such as the one you have described.
OK.
If it ain’t broke don’t fix it, and that goes for the etiquette that was
standard when I was growing up. It also goes for transmongrification
in language changes, where tawdriness attains status it does not deserve.
I was always consider those who say “You’re welcome” to be higher class than the
“no problem” crowd.
with using the word.
