What's an "Onion Ring?"

In My Humble Opinion
1

Because we’re bad people, evlkitty and I were having lunch at Carl’s Jr. last week. We like sporty cars. While we’re sitting there munching away at our burgers and onion rings, a dude pulls up in a bright orange Dodge Challenger RT8. My left eyeball fell out of my head. evlkitty, without seeing the car, was immediately soggy just from the subsonic exhaust note. Slowly she turned…

We briefly discussed perfoming a violent act upon the owner of the car while he stood in line waiting for his Famous Star and milkshake (or whatever he was getting) and stealing his keys. But as neither of us really has a reliable violent streak in us, we quickly moved toward bribery. We don’t have much money, so evlkitty suggested, “Maybe if I give him an onion ring he’d let me drive his car?” All scheming stopped as we melted into paroxysms of giggling–it sounded so dirty. Surely an onion ring would have to be an extraordinarily rare and pleasant thing indeed to purchase some windshield time in such a fine ride. So here’s “the poll:”

What act would “onion ring” be code for, and why would it be called that? Remember, performing the act would generate a significant amount of gratitude in the recipient.

2

Giving his phone number to the editors of The Onion.

3

Oral sex, but with such bad breath that the recipient would have a fragrant reminder of the act for the rest of the day.

God, I can’t believe I actually wrote that.

4

That’s okay. My response was going to be analingus with a mouthful of hot sauce.

5

Some combination of “greasy” and “makes you cry as you prepare it.”

6

Threads like this are why I love the Dope. :smiley:

Um, letting someone rub their asscrack (asshole=ring) or cock w/cockring in your sweaty armpits, so their ring will smell like onions…?

7

Onion Ring as per the Urban Dictionary:

Mmm… yummy and sexy.

8

I don’t even see how that’s possible unless you’re one of those folks who can put a beer can up their poo-hole.

9

Dear God. I really didn’t think ths one was going to turn out to have a GQ answer.

It’s like I tell my daughter: It doesn’t matter what you think of, someone else has already thought of it and they’ve made money doing it.

10

Maybe I’m old fashioned, but this onion ring thing was mentioned by a person you know well enough be out eating with and about whom you know enough to know that sogginess ensued just by her hearing a car.

Is there a real reason why you didn’t ask her what it was?

11

That sounds nastier than a “Texas Chili Bowl”. If you’ve seen the South Park episode “Pre-School,” you’ll know what I mean.

12

Then again, . . it’s Urban Dictionary. The more elaborate and/or poo-related the practice is (and the more incongruous its name) the more likely some 14-year-old made it up off the head and posted it there.

13

“Your wife loves fast food. Why not get her something she’ll really enjoy? This year, make her anniversary an even to remember. Give her an Onion Ring”.

I’d say it would be some sort of elegant-yet-tasty piece of finger adornment.

You guys are all perverts. :smiley:

14

She wanted to trade one of the onion rings she was eating for a drive, but when she said that it sounded baaad.

15

This is a third-hand story, but I assume it happened. A guy sits on his girlfriend’s stomach and farts, leaving a brown spot. Is there an Urban Dictionary-type name for that?

16

Eating through the crust to get to the soft, aromatic middle, of course.