I was going through my mail last night and I found a letter marked “Your Survival Guide to the Bush Presidency” with a rather scary-looking picture of W glaring at me. Now, I could have just opened the letter, but I thought it might be more fun to add some mystery and intrigue to my otherwise boring life. So, what do you think is inside this envelope?
Some info: It has an actual cancelled stamp on it. It is a standard letter size white envelope. It could have anywhere from 3 to 8 pieces of paper in it, judging by its thickness. My address is on the stationary inside the letter, and is viewed through one of those little view holes that corporations often have in the front of their envelopes.
My current guess is that it is either a well-disguised credit card application or an invitation to join some sort of militia group.
If anyone cares at all about this thread, I will reveal the actual contents on Monday. If this thread sinks like a stone, I will reveal the contents on Monday anyway, so you might as well toss a guess my way.
If you have received one of these, please don’t spoil my fun with any factual responses. Thanks.
I’m guessing it’s something from a liberal organisation, offering advise on how to keep your rights intact during the Bush presidency, and likely soliciting donations to help in their organisation’s lobbying against Bush’s policies.
It’s a microchip and a transmitter. If you open it, you’re obviously opposed to Dubya, so it transmits your info back to the White House and you’re put on…THE LIST(cue ominous music). The only way to prevent this is to open it while wearing the official Tin Foil Beanie[sup]TM[/sup]
I’m still working on a prize for the winner. The letter is sitting next to me as I type this. I can feel Shrub’s hateful gaze. He knows I just called him Shrub.
Anyway, my personal favorite is a passport. Some folks at work think it contains WMD, some others think it’s a shirt that says “I’m a Canadian.”
Keep 'em coming. I should do this with all my mail. (Next week: What’s inside this envelope that says, “Your Sprint Bill” on the front?)
Well, it’s Monday, so WHAT’S IN THE FREAKING ENVELOPE?. It’s been haunting my dreams and consuming my every waking moment*. You gotta tell us. PLEEEAASEE!!
Peace-DESK
*O.K… I actually forgot about this until I was doing a search for something else. I am kinda courious though.
Unfortunately, after opening the envelope I signed on to be part of a secret gov’t group. I can’t say much more, except if anyone’s in North Dakota, DUCK. That is all
O.K., so I forgot to open the letter this morning, so we’ll have to wait untill Tuesday. Sorry.
An interesting update, though… twickster, I did receive an offer from The Nation on Saturday. How did you know?
I know! It’s got to be voting instructions. This way, maybe we can actually get it right, and The Shrub won’t be reelected due to the inability of people to vote.
Or…Have you ever seen those survival books that tell you how to do all sorts of crazy stuff, from wrestling an alligator to delivering a baby in a taxi cab. Maybe the authors have devoted a whole book to how to survive in Bush’s reign. Perhaps this is an ad! Maybe they’ve decided to devote a whole newsletter to it, and this is your sample edition!
Here it is, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. I am opening the envelope right now. riiiip … hmmm. chortle. guffaw. snort.
You know, I really wish I had a scanner so I could post the entire contents of this envelope. As some of you may know, I am not a supporter of the Shrub group, but I find this crap laughable. It’s an offer for The Progressive magazine. They’ve got these great little drawings of W with his pants down, and lots of scary pictures of the Shrubmeister pointing at me and looking constipated. Some choice quotes from the letter:
“Barbara Ehrenreich decries our own ‘Christian Wahhabists.’ Her warning: ‘We have a choice to make between freedom, on the one hand, and religious totalitarianism on the other.’” I do not think you know what this word wahhabist means. And if you do, using it in this way does nothing but weaken your arguement by making you look like an idiot.
“Treated Like a Criminal: ‘I wish what happened to me will never happen to anyone else,’ writes Behrooz Arshadi, who fled to the U.S. from Iran in 1987, only to be detained by Ashcroft’s Special Registration. ‘The INS stole three days of my life.’” Um, three days? All the various people being held and their poster child was detained for three days?
“Together, we can survive the Bush-league Presidency” I think I can make it without your help, thanks.
There is also a little pamphlet that has quotes far too witty and subversive to be posted here. So, thanks for making my mail more interesting than usual. I will close with their tag line:
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