What's Left of Eve Crawls Back to Work . . .

Just NOT a good beginning to spring, not at all. Woke up on Saturday the 30th with the bottom half of my face all red and swollen and itchy, like I’d had a poison-ivy facial. Went to three doctors last week, all with different opinions (allergic reaction? strep infection? bacterial infection?) and just as many pills and ointments (when you have cats, by the way, putting sticky ointment on the bottom half of your face assures you will spend the rest of the day looking like Geo. Bernard Shaw). Stayed home and had my own film festival: “A Woman’s Face,” Marked Woman," “Mask,” “Phantom of the Opera” . . .

Took a week’s sick leave but had to come back today, as I’m sure they are dying for an excuse to fire me and hire a 25-year-old at half my salary. I am still all red and blotchy-looking and itchy, can’t wear any makeup, and and for some reason, everyone here thinks that “Oh my God, you look AWFUL!” is the right thing to say.

Oh, and just for additional giggles, my local phone company (Verizon) decided to switch my long-distance carrier (MCI) from a seven-cents-a-minute plan to a thirty-cents-a-minute plan WITHOUT ASKING ME, so I got a $350 phone bill. Spent the morning on the phone with both Verizon and MCI, telling them what would happen to them and to their descendents unto the sixth generation unless they cleared this up. Also called “Jim Myers, Vice President, MCI Customer Service” and told his receptionist that he shouldn’t rubber-stamp his signature onto the phone bills unless he was willing to earn his salary by goddam talking to the customers he purports to serve.

So, have I missed anything?

Heathcliff still has not returned.

I’m sorry to hear you were so sick, and I hope the bug is on its way out. Didn’t the docs ever decide what it was?

I’ve heard more than once about phone companies pulling this one lately. They’ll claim they informed you in earlier correspondence, even if they didn’t. Whatabuncha maroons! Reminds me to keep a close eye on our phone bill lest they try to pull this one on us.

Anyway, feel better soon.

Well, I FINALLY got a Pit thread devoted to flaming me! Can you believe it?

It’s the one about the racist fights back, or something.

Woohoo! I’m finally a REAL Doper!

Congrats, Guin, I shall have to check in and see what’s cooking. Cajun Man tells me I missed some kind of unfortunate “shemale” thread, which I am NOT going to do a search for, as I am just not up to dealing with that kind of crap this week . . .

Nope, no one knows what the hell is wrong with me—I even logged onto some dermatology sites and they all said, basically, “sometimes you get a horrible disfiguring rash and no one knows why. Sometimes it goes away, and if not, you can always become a Muslim and wear a veil.” Crap. I even had to THROW AWAY ALL MY MAKEUP. I’m going to see if I can find a good NYC dermatologist who takes my crappy insurance plan.

…not related to your medical condition is forthcoming.

If you can’t get your telephone carriers to fix your billing problems, call the NY Public Service Commission 800 number. It WILL get fixed then. From what you posted, it looks like your bill got “crammed.”

It happened to me, and no one seemed interested until I complained to the Regulatory Authority.

You may now carry on with the sympathy posts.

Ugh, Eve, sounds like a rash I had on my wrists over 10 years ago - the dermatologist admitted that the fancy diagnosis he’d written in the chart just means basically “rash but we don’t know why you got it or what caused it”. (Not that I’m unfamiliar with this, as I work in a cardiology office and see many chest pains that are diagnosed as ‘musculoskeletal pain’ - translation, it’s not your heart but heck if we know why it hurts. Bodies are just weird sometimes.) If it weren’t the middle of summer at the time, I might even have been able to cover it up, but at least it wasn’t in so conspicuous an area. I hope it fades fast - if it’s anything like what I had, the rash should turn brownish and then kind of fade.

“Oh my god, Eve, you look FANTASTIC!”

And veiled millinery simply adds to your sexy mystique, my dear - and goes so fab with your pearls.

Some leprosy haiku to make you feel better:

The scabs and sores that
Plague my body are often
Worse in the springtime.

  • Elliott C. Evans

In the late autumn,
When leaves wither and fall down,
My nose crumbles off.

  • Elliott C. Evans

Like Job bemoaning
The loss of his family
I weep for my ear.

  • Elliott C. Evans

Oh, no, leprosy
Armadillos can get it
I hope I do not.

  • jimz

Simon was leprous
He left long trails of organs
Boy, was that sucky!

  • Doug DeCarlo

On a windy day
Guns are unnecessary
To blow my head off.

  • Doug DeCarlo

Check extremities.
No summer sun can wake these
from numbing winter.

  • Kurt Schaefer

Oh the fetid smell.
Dull senses alert too late.
Ulcers bloom with spring.

  • Kurt Schaefer

Sure glad i don’t have
Leprosy. That would really
Suck in the winter.

  • Axel Essbaum

In winter we play
Hockey except when there’s a
Face off on the ice.

  • Joby

My life is Winter
Yet my soul is the Summer
My limbs are just Fall.

  • Chris Rapier

The weasels ate up
The parts of my body that
Died and fell away.

  • Esther Filderman

Jenny Craig you fool
Who needs a diet when your
Body falls apart.

  • Esther Filderman

She loves basketball
Since her illness she uses
Her boobs to dribble.

  • Esther Filderman

I would create more
But i must go catch a bus
Hope my self stays whole.

  • Esther Filderman

leper beach outing
salt water laps at their toes
floating out to sea

  • Karen Fabrizius

lepers at the beach
do not need sunblock lotion
wipe away the tan

  • Paul Mazaitis

Fall rain comes gently
pond ripples with falling leaves
fingers drop like stones.

  • Greg Landrum

we are holding hands
our fingers intertwine – hey,
come back here with that

  • Andy Plotkin

morning, sun shining
coffee perks, toast is soon done
flesh makes tasty jam.

  • Greg Landrum

sex can be a drag
when you’re afraid of leaving
your true love behind

  • Esther Filderman

reading haikus here.
i will blow chunks on the floor…
aha! found that finger!

  • Brian Harrison

I was bulimic
until my finger came off
while stuck in my throat

  • Greg Landrum

melted brie is yum
but it tastes much better when
i stir with his tongue

  • Esther Filderman

lepers laugh aloud,
“We have a quicker way than
bulemia diet.”

  • Brian Harrison

i used to archive
the sick jokes on dan and eric
about pilot last remarks.

  • Brian Harrison

my good friend in need
asks me for a hand today
so I oblidged him.

  • Brian Harrison

headaches are so fun
someone pulled the dagger out
my head went with it

  • Esther Filderman

My sores and pustules
Continue to produce filth
Much like this instance.

  • Elliott Evans

the weather turns cold
“bridge freezes before surface”
blood swirls down the stream.

  • Brian Harrison

Valentines Day gone
Hearts strewn all over the stores
One of them is mine

  • jimz

don’t smoke any more
took a deep drag on a butt
then coughed up a lung

  • Esther Filderman

decided to die
tried to slit my throat but my
head snapped & rolled off

  • Esther Filderman

help, feline vulture
she climbs on my shoulder &
my arm falls away

  • Esther Filderman

Poetry leprous
Falls from and with our fingers
Like leaves in Autumn

  • jimz

Eve, sorry to hear of your recent travails. If it’s any comfort, now you have an opportunity to work your Greta Garbo in “Camille” impression.

Oh, Drat! There it goes!
My left arm just hit the floor
No more touch typing.

  • Dinsdale

“If it’s any comfort, now you have an opportunity to work your Greta Garbo in ‘Camille’ impression.”

—More like Bette Davis in “Marked Woman,” or Joan Crawford in “A Woman’s Face” . . .

I loved the themed movie fest. No, truly.

And the whole rash thing just lets your inner beauty shine out more, right?

Er…You look wonderful! (I’m tempted to add darling, but I still feel like the little girl at the grown up tea party so I can’t.)

I’m so glad to have you back, and as for the rash…maybe you should go get some low dose cortisone cream from the pharmacy and slap it on. Couldn’t hurt (at least I don’t THINK it could hurt) and might help.

No, I am not a doctor. I am a redhead with all attendant skin problems that go with BEING a redhead. And I have found that when my ultra-sensitive skin decides to get all blotchy, it is pointless to go to the dermatologist and be told that “well, after all, you DO have redhead skin.” Sheesh, like this is NEWS? So now I just slap on some handy dandy OTC cortosone cream and it almost always fades fast.

Oh, and one more piece of (unsolicited, sorry) advice…skip the shemale thread. I read it and I had to wash my eyes afterward.

Thanks, Scott—hydrocortisone actually made it itch more. So I’m on bactroban and something else which I can’t remember. Also a week of antibiotics . . . And I got them to prescribe me some real Valley of the Dolls-caliber sleeping pills, as I couldn’t sleep more than a few monutes a night . . .

(“This is Eve—she takes the yellow ones!”)

Oh, so sorry for the BAD advice.

Have your docs had you try an antihistimine? I suppose they have if they thought it was an allergic reaction. I used to get all blotchy whenever I drank red wine…ChlorTrimitene[sup]TM[/sup] cleared it up quickly. They think I am allergic to metabisulfites. No more wine for me, not even a sip.

Also, I know you have seen several docs, but just in case you saw one who wasn’t familiar with this…we had an employee once who got cellulitis. A VERY nasty condition which sounds remarkably similar to what you describe.

I very much hope that you start feeling better VERY soon!


Thanks, toots—I forgot, they also did have me on Benadryl. By the way, when it says on the sleeping pills, “taking antihistamines with this medication may increase drowsiness,” I do not consider that a “warning,” I consider it a “serving suggestion.”

Mostly what scares me is, what if it never goes away? It’s been nine days, am I being paranoid? I mean, I guess even poison ivy or sunburn takes longer than that to fade away. And it’s not violent red anymore, it’s more a quaint pink.

I am pretty much through with doctors at this point; I’ve seen three already and they dunno WHAT it is. I have also learned that “dermatitis” is doctor-talk for “I dunno.”

I’m amazed no one has jumped in to mention the missing film from your list…

The Three Faces of Eve.

[sub]Well, the title’s appropriate anyway.[/sub]

Eve, you are my kind of gal!

Yep, well when I had the aforementioned reaction to wine, I sort of felt the same way. I figured if it just made me go to sleep, what could be the harm? I’m at an age where a good night’s sleep is better than diamonds! [sub]disclaimer…I can’t wear diamonds anyway, so this may have been a misleading statement. Now, if we were talking about EMERALDS…might be another story![/sub]